Sunday, February 22, 2009

Finding Ways to Remember



Losing a child brings almost an unworkable quandary. One wants to blot out the last hours and the time surrounding the loss, and yet no one can really remember their child completely and fully without coming to terms with our last few minutes together, even if he may have been unaware of them. The time between my last post and now has been spent finding comstructive ways to remember.
I remember that he loved our farm animals so I have been lovingly caring for them and helping them with what seems like their own animal grief. Daniel's fifteen year old German Shepherd, Jake, a rescue had a stroke several weeks ago. My time has largely been spent placing chux under the dog, and turning him every two hours during the day and less often at night. The dog has needed hand feeding and assistance with water. I have not had him euthanized as he is still comfortable and still hydrated. He also seems to understand and enjoy the attention. I have told him that when Jesus or Daniel come, that he is free to go with them, and that I will see him again when it is my turn. One evening, about a week ago, Jake's breathing seemed labored. I sat with him for awhile and when I got up briefly, he passed, easily and quietly. I had irrationally thought that I would somehow see Daniel picking up his dog, but of course, I either didn't or missed his brief visit. Jake was buried and had our customary lovely animal funeral on the farm a day later.