What I Learned from Daniel

Where There is No Entropy or Passage of Time

2012-02-01T20:39:00.004-05:00

They say, that in Heaven, there is no entropy, no wear or breakdown of anything, and there is no actual passage of time. Because you are there Daniel, and my father is also, I try really hard to imagine that. You might say that my heart is there already. It seems in the world I am in, entropy is not only alive and quite well, but it appears to be accelerating. "The Arab Spring" which we were told in this country was a positive thing, by media and the present administration, as it would be a chance for Tunisia, Yemen, Syria, Egypt and others to move closer to democracy has not gone that way. It appears that violence has broken out and that Muslim extremists seem to be taking control in those places, when control actually exists. Entire families are being killed in Syria. It seems that in the two thousand years since Jesus Christ visited Earth, that sometimes, very little progress was made since Biblical times. I heard today that Ahmadinejad, of Iran has launched a Spanish speaking station so that he can mobilize malcontents in South America and Mexico to attack the United States. As I said, the entropy appears to be accelerating, and the news does not seem good most evenings.
I cannot really imagine time not passing as it does on Earth. Everything I have read seems to indicate that time there is spent busily and comfortably. I understand that although more than three Earth years has passed since each of you have, that to you, not much time has passed at all.

Fridays Facebook Foibles

2012-01-31T16:21:00.002-05:00

     I completed high school in three years and went on to college, and this is not generally something I would recommend for most people. It's also something I did not recommend to my own kids. . For many reasons, it suited my personality, as I am not really given to looking back. In the past, my tendency has been to look forward and to move forward, and when young, perhaps I even did this to the detriment of the present. I have kept three close friends from high school, and about five from college, and otherwise have never really looked back. After high school, I went on to college, and then afterward, took a job in the Northeast, and midway through my twenties, moved to Virginia and again, never looked back. I have only been back to the Northeastern US once since that time when I happened to be there with one of my older children. I don't carve time from the present day for high school reunions, or even for post college get-togethers. Despite this, I remember all the names of all my grade school teachers, and most of the names of kids with whom I went to elementary school, middle school, high school, and even a few from college. I like the internet, but I am not a fan of social media. I enjoy Daniel's blog, but I don't like breaching my own security by providing more data than I want to, or by allowing my friends to do so. My days are pretty full now, and I can't spare the time to Twitter. I therefore don't have a My Space account, a Twitter account or a Facebook account, and I likely never will.    Last weekend, one of my kids in trying to get me to grasp the true social significance of this new horizon called social media, allowed me to "look around" using his account.    I looked up a couple of the names of people I knew in high school, and with whom I haven't spoken since then. Their facebook friends provided new names, and so on and so on. Within about an hour, I knew everything I cared to about almost everyone with whom I had attended high school. This was made easier by many of my classmates having retained their original surnames and having added a married name to it. Oddly, they were also friends with a number of our instructors from those days on facebook also. Certainly, a facebook cross section of my high school life is not a scientific examination of sociological trends, but since Daniel will never retrace his friends from childhood as an adult, I decided to explore a little.
There were some interesting trends which seemed to emerge on Facebook. First of all, kids who were very popular in high school seem now to have happily befriended those who clearly were not. Secondly, many of the people from my high school class have never married, and never had children. Interestingly, this was a good high school in a relatively wealthy area in a suburban area of a Northeastern state. The students who attended should do well in the world. There were an abundance of opportunities in that era, even adjusting for a recession which occurred in 1981. There were numerous car accident deaths within a couple of years of graduation, and this was known to me, when they happened. Interestingly, from our graduating class of 200, the class yielded two physicians, two attorneys, about five engineers, five teachers, four builders, several restauranteurs, two successful opera singers, etc. My closest friends became college professors and so far as I know, I am the only one who became a registered nurse at any time. (I mixed the professions of being an RN and then later being a college instructor) There are a couple of chemists. There is one CEO from a large company. There is one public relations worker. There are a couple of people who work for the federal government. There are a couple of professional writers and an abundance of those who work in customer service. There is an abundance of personal trainers and yoga instructors. There were no people in our graduating class who went into the military. (Although there were some in the class ahead of us, and the class behind us.) The determining factor as to who became most successful seemed to come down to one thing.   Those who remained in our expensive Northeastern state where we went to school, seemed not only NOT to do as well as those who went to other states to pursue college or another job, but those who left were more likely to be married and to have had children. Of course, this is a non-scientific anecdotal look at how one class from 1978 did when they got to the world, but it is interesting nonetheless.
              The other thing that I found a little discouraging was how they looked. I am obviously not 16 or 17 year old in pictures now, but I do look like a more mature version of the person I was in high school or in college. People would recognize me.   Just a few of the women from school were recognizable. Most of them looked much, much older than I expected them to. I felt very sad when I realized that I don't look as old as they do. I wondered why. Life has not always been easy for me, and I suppose there have been challenges for my former classmates as well. They are clearly the people I knew, and I could verify this as they have the same siblings names that I recall, but many of them look like ELDERLY grandparents.
            I decided, after reading all about everyone, not to contact anyone. The friends who were close to me then, still are, and I have never lost touch with them. It was a little surreal to catch up with almost everyone I could consider, and have all my questions answered after all those years, in just an hour or two.

More Messages Which Came in Dreams

2012-01-30T03:36:00.001-05:00

No longer dismissed as folklore, NASA has plenty to say on coronal mass ejections for 2012.

I was really only joking when I speculated that the increase in coronal mass ejections from the sun (CMEs) and all this bombardment of Earth which is heightening the aurora borealis (or Northern lights) phenomenon, and causing it to be seen in places such as Northern England, Scotland and Ireland, might be heightening psychic reception or messages in dreams from those who have passed. I am beginning to wonder if my joke has any truth to it. As you might know, particularly if you have kids who follow astronomy, this week the Earth has been bombarded by the largest coronal mass ejection since 2005.

Lee Billings, who is an astronomy reporter over at Popular Mechanics has written some great information.

"A geomagnetic storm produces dangerous electrical currents in a manner analogous to a moving bar magnet raising currents in a coil of wire. When a CME hits the Earth’s magnetic field and sends it oscillating, those undulating magnetic fields raise currents in conductive material within and on the Earth itself. The currents that ripple through our planet can easily enter transformers that serve as nodes in regional, national, and global power grids. They can also seep into and corrode the steel in lengthy stretches of oil and gas pipeline.

On October 29, 2003, power grids around the world felt the strain from the geomagnetic currents. In North America, utility companies scaled back electricity generation to protect the grid. In Sweden, a fraction of a CME-induced electric current overloaded a high-voltage transformer, and blacked out the city of Malmo for almost an hour. The CME dumped an even larger mass of energetic particles into Earth’s upper atmosphere and orbital environment, where satellites began to fail because of cascading electronics glitches and anomalies. Most were recovered, but not all. Astronauts in low-Earth orbit inside the International Space Station retreated to the Station’s shielded core to wait out the space-weather storm. Even there, the astronauts received elevated doses of radiation, and occasionally saw brief flashes of brilliant white and blue—bursts of secondary radiation caused when a stray particle passed directly through the vitreous humor of the astronauts’ eyes at nearly light-speed.
Flares and CMEs from the Sun continued to bombard the Earth until early November of that year, when at last our star’s most active surface regions rotated out of alignment with our planet. No lives were lost, but many hundreds of millions of dollars in damages had been sustained.
The event, now known as the Halloween Storm of 2003, deeply worried John Kappenman, an engineer and expert in geomagnetic storm effects. The Sun had fired a clear warning shot. Its activity roughly follows an 11-year cycle, and severe space weather tends to cluster around each cycle’s peak. The Sun’s next activity peak is expected to occur this year or next, and the chance of more disruptive geomagnetic storms will consequently increase".

The electro-magnetic effects of CMEs are well known within the scientific community, but decidedly much less has been written about any biological or even psychic effects so my mention of this is squarely within the realm of total speculation. I mention this because, my husband, who has never acknowledged a visitation dream from Daniel before, reported one in the middle of the night last night, and remembered it enough to discuss it this morning. Tonight, I am up, having had a dream from my father. In the dream my father had provided tools to me and told me to hold on to them. He also told me that if I could not keep my potassium levels in check then this would be the last time that I would be able to manage atrial fibrillation without a cardiologist, and that I should line one up now, rather than using an internist to manage it. He was talking to me despite the fact that in the dream, the different types of tools had been mailed to me. Apparently, something either needs repair or certainly will soon. There are those who believe that human consciousness is expanded during periods of coronal mass ejections, and who am I to doubt this ? We are electrical creatures by virtue of the electrical conduction systems of our hearts, the electrical systems of our brains and by the hemoglobin and iron in our blood. Would it really be so amazing if changes in magnetic fields due to coronal mass ejections, altered us, as electrical creatures, as well ?

A Visit in Dream for my Husband

2012-01-29T08:06:00.003-05:00

          I was just thinking this week that I had not heard from Daniel or from my Dad in some time, in dreams. I don't have any control over this, and I am convinced that this is something THEY do from time to time, and not really something my psyche can orchestrate.   (Although I certainly can orchestrate dreams in which I am restating to someone what happened and the feelings of loss and bewilderment which can occur.)   There is not much I can do but let them know before I sleep that I am open to hearing from them, before I pray to God each evening before sleep.
   My husband has not been as lucky as I have in this regard. Normally, he does not recall many of his dreams, and when he does, they are not vivid, and they are often a simple restatement of his days frustrations. Last night though, it was different.    He related in the middle of the night that he dreamt that we were living in the big white house we lived in, in the suburbs, before we moved here. This is the house we lived in when Daniel was born. We moved to the country from that house when Daniel was two.    In my husband's dream, he dreamt that Daniel was about four, and that my husband and I were watching tv in our bed with Daniel sitting with us.   I had fallen asleep while watching television, so my husband picked Daniel up, and carried him to bed, tucking him in. Daniel was wide awake, and not in any rush to go to bed. A black labrador dog, just like Mark, (one of Daniel's dogs) who died of a stroke, a couple of years after Daniel's passing, was sleeping at Daniel's feet, guarding him.    My husband awoke at around 2:30 am and was crying.   This type of dream is unusual for him.   I told him that Daniel was likely visiting and that this was a loving encouragement from him.   This morning, my husband recalls this dream very clearly, which is also unusual for him.
          Last night I dreamt "busy dreams".   I was busy with multiple tasks.   Oddly, I too dreamt that we were once again living in the big white suburban house, but that we were at war, and that there was civil unrest.

This is the house both my husband and I dreamt about last evening. This was our second home together. It was a surburban home with about an acre of land, with a full basement and three full floors. This is the home Daniel spent his babyhood in. We moved from here, to the first farm we built when he was two.

             I wonder if all the coronal mass ejections of the sun, that we have had of late, generate more vivid dreams for us on Earth, or whether it makes it easier for those who have passed and whom we love, to pass a message of remembrance to us.
              It's good to know my husband had this dream and that it got through.   I think he may need the encouragement. Christian faith does not always leave room for the possibility of positive visitation from those we love, but of course, they should know, that with God, all things are possible.

Lead Vocal:   Christine Dente of "Out of the Grey"

Thoughts On Bereavement in Marriage

2012-01-26T06:38:00.001-05:00

         In the last three years I have spoken many times about the effects on bereavement and the loss of a child on a family, but I have never directly tackled and discussed the effects of the loss of a child on a marriage. This choice was motivated by a number of things. The first is that I think we owe our spouses, and even former spouses, privacy from disclosing their darkest days and moments to the rest of the world. Sometimes a little less sharing of life's horrors, particularly as they effect your loved ones, is in order. Until our spouse makes sense of what happened and can move beyond it, we owe them this time, unencumbered by eyewitness blog reports as to our estimation of their despair and/or resiliency.   Secondly, adults, and men and women process grief and loss very differently. It's socially acceptable for me to cry and grieve, and talk to everyone I know, and even create a blog. A man, however unfairly, is expected to visibly grieve through a funeral and then move on and continue to earn a living, while not mentioning his loss and grief to clients, employers or anything else that might indicate how lost or how sad he might really be. Third, spouses move through grief very differently, and often they do not understand one another in their grief.   I might be confused as to why my husband might be appearing to do well three months after our loss while I might not be. My husband might be confused as to why I don't want to vacation, or why I cry often. Unfortunately, the loss of a child is a major marital stressor, and without good communication, it can signal nails in the coffin of even a healthy marriage.   Following the loss of a child, there are many feelings, including guilt and blame, and it's easy to become confused.
          Our own survival in our marriage probably resulted from a number of things. First, my husband and I are very different people, and this was known to us long before we were challenged by Daniel's sudden departure for Heaven. I consist of connections and friends, conversations and words, cards, letters and blogs. I am a "verbal gerbil" and I cope with most things by talking about my feelings, as many women do.   My husband is a fact and number man. His private thoughts are that "the thing wrong with most marriages is communication..........that is TOO MUCH communication !".   He is quite happy sitting and feeling, without having to explain what is occurring, as is the case with many men. So after Daniel's passing, we knew that our responses would be very different, as we navigated the most terrible of experiences to happen to parents. He knew I would chatter, and I knew he would probably not, and so we entered the experience with more realistic expectations.   Secondly, we were blessed in some ways by doing CPR together on Daniel. We found him together, we worked on him together. We were in shock together, and ultimately that day, we lost him together, when the medical helicopter staff pronounced Daniel dead in our home.   I remember two things very clearly that day. One, was that my husband was supporting me as I did the best CPR of my life. He did not judge me, and he did not blame me, and he knew I did my best. The second thing I remember really well is that after Daniel was pronounced, some time after the initial call and our CPR, the sheriff's office CPR and ultimately, care by the helicopter ICU, was that I wanted to cry and wail.   I looked at my husband, and I decided to wait. He too had lost his beloved son that day, and perhaps he could not take seeing his wife melt into a lost ball as well. I waited a couple of days for the privacy to cry so hard I couldn't catch my breath. I remember that my husband loved Daniel as much as I, and that we both lost him to Heaven that day.   These things made it easier as the testier, sadder days came at intervals in the year which followed.
           In marriage, some days you are in love, other days you are annoyed, a few days you are indifferent, and grief accentuates all of this. What's important is that you and your spouse understand this, and know that the important thing is to live to cycle another day, when happiness and joy together will eventually return regardless of the loss you have endured. Certainly, counseling is a positive thing for many. I also believe that the timing of such is important. Counseling too early in the course of grief might not be as helpful as later, and counseling too late may not be as helpful. Each couple must decide what they need to do, and how they can best support each other. This is tough when you are a hairs breadth some days from wondering if you wish you'd died rather than Daniel.   Know that you will come through this. You may be war torn, with more grays, and less sure of yourself afterward, but you and your marriage will come through this.

         The song selection I have chosen today is written and performed by Steven Curtis Chapman. He and his wife know a fair bit about loss and grief, as their youngest daughter died in an accident also in 2008 a few months before Daniel's passing.   This song was written years before that, but it shows something about the commitment and strength that must be there before we all face life's hardesr trials.

Collapsing Closet Interiors

2012-01-24T07:25:00.003-05:00

Very similar, though larger than our own walk-in closet.

   The continued aftershocks from the 5.8 earthquake in August do make a difference. We saw evidence of the effects of the frequent shakes today.   In the master bedroom we have a large walk in closet with built ins for shoes, hats, scarves etc. The closet interior collapsed this morning, placing all of my clothes hung on multiple poles in various piles on the floor. The shelves also fell leaving quite a mess. My son Adam helped me to gather up the mess, and he did his best to redo these, and place the metal and wood poles up, and to re-anchor everything better than was done originally. He had James come and help him hold things as he anchored them with power tools. One of the things I keep in the walk in closet are Christmas presents, and although those were all given, there were a few stocking stuffers that I couldn't find that must have been on a shelf somewhere, and they just didn't make it into stockings last year. One of those things was a wooden copperhead snake with absolutely realistic markings, cut in such a manner that it also moves in a realistic way. I bought one of these at a toy store for James in November. Adam set up electric drills and other tools, and together we removed all the clothing. I was out in my room rehanging the clothing that had fallen onto hangers, and all at once, I heard Adam, jump and say, "Whooooaaa !"    The wooden toy snake was on the floor and just as advertised, it moved, scaring the daylights out of Adam, who actually jumped out of the closet ! We could not stop laughing because in winter, a copperhead snake in an interior closet would be extremely unlikely. With Adam, James and I laughing so much, we were reminded of the times when Daniel was here, and we all laughed quite a bit. The re-anchoring and repairs held through this mornings mild quake at about 6:40 am. I still have an awful lot of closet cleaning, and reorganizing to do following "The Great Walk-In Closet Collapse of 2012".

The snake above is likely made by the same company as the one I have, which so clearly has perfect copperhead markings.

She's Looking at Houses

2012-01-23T08:48:00.006-05:00

Most of the homes Stephanie is looking at are small homes with a yard. Most are in fair condition but need work following either the earthquake and continued aftershocks or following damage which occurred in association with a foreclosure, or foreclosure aftermath. Some of the houses have been empty for some time, which can also do damage to electrical and plumbing systems as well as HVAC systems.

Daniel and Dad, It's been a busy week. The economy continues to deteriorate in many parts of the country. In our rural area, foreclosures have finally come. The banks here had been holding on to their repossessed homes, waiting for an upswing, but now that no upswing has come, they are letting them go. This has created some unusual opportunities for someone like Stephanie. Normally, I could encourage any child of mine, after a year of working after college to continue saving for a home, and perhaps in this economy,. stay here at home with us, save every dime, and perhaps even pay cash. However, a few of the available repo sales this week have made us sit up and take note. One was a lovely small brick home, with a lovely yard, but in Stephanie's preferred target area, only ten minutes from work. It had lovely built in bookcases and the oil heat you liked so much, Dad. It sold before we could get an appointment to see it. It seems that those with cash often grab the properties before anyone else can get there. The second one is probably the deal of the century, but it is far larger than is rational for Stephanie, and a far worse commute in winter, and requires some repair and maintenance following the earthquake, that Stephanie probably can not and should not,take on. I have to remember here that what would have been right for me in the eighties when I bought our first house, is not necessarily right for Stephanie who has different likes and dislikes and goals than I do. This is also an emotionally bittersweet time for us for another reason. Daniel, do you remember that when you were smaller, you used to say that when Stephanie bought her first house that you would move in with her, and take one of the bedrooms and keep her company ? I used to tell you that you couldn't do that, and be amused by it. That day is soon upon us, and how I wish you were here, and even had the option of living nearby with your sister, even once in awhile, or on weekends. It would have been fun for both of you.
Dad, I understand you better now. There is a tight line to walk. Our children must be ready to do for themselves, and maintain the things they buy by themselves, and yet somehow, we must tell them of our own experiences and let them discover what is valid about our thinking on the subject, and what is less valuable now, in an economy and mortgage market which is so different from the one just a few years ago. I did not always understand when you left certain things to me, and you hung back, but now I do. Thank you. Thank you for having the courage to let me find my way. I do things differently than you, because I am dealing with a different era and different children, but I hope I handle supporting them through this with the same wisdom or threads of the wisdom that you have. Wish Stephanie luck and wisdom in making good choices in these decisions. I love you both......yes, wider than the oceans and deeper than the seas.

One of the homes we looked at yesterday was an older geodesic dome.

There are lots of homes available in Virginia, often with serious issues.

UPDATE: The older geodesic home we mentioned, that our daughter declined, as it required more work than she felt she could afford along with a mortgage, sold to someone else just after we looked at it.

No New Leads in Ian Burnet's Disappearance

2012-01-15T11:00:00.002-05:00

UPDATE: January 17, 2012
Police have created a new place for internet tips:

newkenttips@co.newkent.state.va.us

There is no additional news otherwise.

   As of two hours ago, according to the family of missing engineering student Ian Burnet, there is no news.   Ian, a Virginia Commonwealth University student from Richmond, Virginia travelled with friends to New York City just after Christmas for a brief holiday prior to starting again at VCU in the semester which would ordinarily begin in a couple of days. Ian was last heard from via text message on 12/30, and has not been seen since. Complete information can be found at: www.findianburnet.com
           Interestingly, although Ian is an honor student at VCU, the university has made no attempt to notify its students via e-mail or via their website regarding this man's missing status. Perhaps 34,000 students plus saw something or have some theories.
            Ian was felt to be a travel savvy and careful young man. This is an excellent time to begin a conversation with your own kids of this age, concerning "filing a flight plan". Each one of us, including myself, should leave a brief synopsis of where we plan to be going and when we are returning in the event that our car breaks down, or we become ill somewhere. I don't know that in Ian's case this would have made an incredible difference, but it does raise this talking point with our kids for whom it really might.
            Prayers and best wishes continue for Ian's parents, Mark and Nancy Burnet, and for his brother Jamie and for all the cousins.

Popsicle Toes

2012-01-13T14:30:00.005-05:00

"Popsicle toes"

"Tiny tasty toes" especially good for our own version of "This Little Piggy". Daniel knew "This Little Piggy" very well when he was small but though it was funny when I did our very own version, which went like this, "This little piggy went to Wendy's, and this little piggy when to Burger King, and this little piggy went to McDonald's, and this little piggy went to Shoneys, and this little piggy went to _______(insert whichever restaurant we have last visited.) and ordered _______(insert their latest special) and had an upset stomach and had to run all the way home ! (It was our way of discouraging too much fast food.)

I gave in. I decided to get a small kit of Revlon "cover the grays" for the small grays that are emerging from my temples and from the part in my hair. I didn't want to ruin my clothes or spill any of the colorant, so I stood there for the requisite ten minutes, almost naked, in my bathroom, before showering. I dropped some of the coloring on clothing I had in there anyway, so I really should have just kept warm. Following my lengthy shower afterward to rinse all of the colorant out, I was freezing. I am now warmly dressed, but still not quite warm yet. I remembered something Daniel used to do when he was small. Daniel used to like to pop into our bed on a cold morning, and announce "Popsicle toes !" "Oh my Gosh !" I would say, as he would warm them on me, or on my husband. "How did you get so cold ?!" I would ask. Daniel, like most young people, could tolerate being really cold without being uncomfortable. When normal people would wear a sweater or a warm coat, Daniel would skip a sweater or wear a lighter jacket than was wise. We used to argue about this a fair bit. "Why do I have to put on a sweater because YOU are cold ?" he would ask. I miss those "popsicle toes !" As cold as I am this minute, I would love his putting his feet like ice on my legs to warm himself.
When he was very very small, I used to pretend to bite his toes and I would call them his "tiny tasty toes" and he would squeal with delight as I would pretend to want to gobble them up.There are so many wonderful joyous memories of him. I hope I always remember them as clearly as I do today.

Ian Burnet Still Missing : URGENT

2012-01-08T11:13:00.028-05:00

Ian Burnet is a 22 year old Virginia Commonwealth University student who is missing from New York City where he was visiting just before New Years Day. This picture was taken on Christmas Day, 2011.

As Ian might appear unshaven or bearded today.

A jacket just like this jacket is said to be missing from his luggage. He may be wearing it.

Taken this summer, also how he might look

This provides information about his posture and build

UPDATE: January 17, 2012
    Police have created a "tip line" at:

newkenttips@co.newkent.state.va.us
There is still no additional information.

________________

UPDATE: January 11, 2012
NYPD has completed a second search of the apartment building in which Ian was staying. Nothing unusual was found.   Secondly, the Metrocard that Ian purchased with his credit card was used on the day he disappeared to enter Northbound Train Station Number 1.. Whether this was Ian using it or not, is not yet known. NYPD is collecting the video from the appropriate locations to look for him.    Police have indicated that Ian ALLEGEDLY has a history of attempting suicide by taking pills and ingesting alcohol, and therefore it is particularly important that he is found and receives help. IF this information is in fact true, then we need to accelerate our efforts to aid him. His parents were apparently not aware of this. This young man has been an honor student and lived independently and functioned socially extremely well, for years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS IS THE MOST UPDATED FLYER FOR PRINTING AND DISTRIBUTION:

     http://media.townhall.com/townhall/missing.pdf
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had no idea until the last couple of days when working on VCU student Ian Burnet's disappearance, how many people are missing. When you can, take a look at

http://www.lbth.org/ncma/index.php

This is information and an index of missing adults in the US. There may be someone you know or have seen, who is actually a missing person.

This morning I had a wonderful and inspiring e-mail from Ian Burnet's mom. Like most really strong mothers, she is thanking people who are helping with trying to disseminate and gather information about where Ian might be. She is working hard and remains positive. Ian's brother Jamie and his father remain in New York looking for him, and giving interviews to television, radio, newspapers and generally keeping this case alive in the minds of New Yorkers.

To recap what we know as of this date, Ian Hunter Burnet, is a 22 year old man who is 5 feet 10 inches tall and about 160 pounds. He might appear younger than his 22 years. He is very bright. He took a bus to New York City and was staying in Harlem with friends before New Years Day. The last contact Ian had with his parents was on December 30, 2011 when they received a text message.His last communication with his roommate at VCU was that "He wasn't having a particularly good experience in NY". He is believed to have his ID, and one credit card with him, although no charges have been made on it beyond that date.

If you wish to, you can download pre-made sheets with Ian's picture and information for shop windows, bulletin boards, telephone poles etc.

Copy the link here:

http://www.fileswap.com/dl/7Q888KAvbC/Ian_Burnet.pdf.html

I can't get Daniel back to Earth, but it's possible that the Burnets can get their son back to them. Please help this family locate their son. If there is anything you can do to help them avoid a loss, such as the one which occurred to our family, please, do it. Help Ian to go home. Thank you for any help that you can give to this fine family.

Ian could be in New York, or he could be in New Jersey, as he has relatives in Jersey City. He may also be trying to get home to Virginia, or to VCU. If you see Ian, or someone who looks like him:

Please contact NYPD either Detective Sanchez or Det. Davis, or Sgt Greene at the 30th Precinct 451 W 151st St. 212-690-8842.

      WEBSITE:    http://www.findianburnet.com

( You may click on the above flyer to enlarge)

Dawn Steele Welcomes Baby Daughter Coco

2012-01-08T07:17:00.011-05:00

Dawn Steele, with daughter Coco, born in London on November 9, 2011.

       Some time ago, I mentioned that Daniel's favorite actress was Dawn Steele from her work in "Monarch of the Glen".   I also mentioned that Dawn and her partner Scottish actor Paul Blair had their first child due in November. I cannot tell you how many fans of Dawn's have written to me since asking for new or updated information. This week I actually wrote Dawn's agent for information, as everyone was a bit worried that we had not heard.
             Dawn gave birth earlier than expected, on November 9th via caesarean section. It sounds like a good drama for film or television by itself. She was filming "Wild At Heart" in South Africa, when she developed placenta previa. (Sometimes, particularly when there is a low placental attachment, the normal outlet can be blocked. Placenta previa can also result in hemorrhage.Although this can be a fatal complication for both mother and baby, most of the time it is managed well if one is in a place where modern medicine exists, and an equipped operating room and access to blood and blood products is available (.In the UK, this may be written as placenta praevia)   My own mother experienced placenta previa when I was born also. Dawn was flown back to England in a hurry for bedrest and furthur evaluation in the hopes that she could still deliver naturally.   It eventually became clear after multiple episodes of bleeding, that Dawn needed a caesarean section. As is sometimes the case in placenta previa, she required blood transfusions for really significant blood loss afterward. This is likely why we did not hear for such a time. As in the tradition of many families , on the other side of the pond, Coco has three names before her surname, she is Coco Christie Mary.
             Dawn must be doing quite well now, and must be well on the way to having corrected any anemia, because she is anxious to get back to filming her series in South Africa, with Coco in tow. She did quite a few press related appearances on January 6th and really looked fantastic and very well recovered. Dawn's partner of five years, Scottish actor Paul Blair, is Coco's father. They are engaged, but wedding plans will likely need to wait until they are each employed on the same continent !     Congratulations Dawn and Paul.   Please take care of yourselves, and little Coco, and enjoy this special time, which passes so quickly.

Jewel has a CD which has lovely lullabyes for all ages.

Can You Find Missing VCU Student Ian Burnet ?

2012-01-06T18:00:00.007-05:00

Ian Burnet, age 22

An additional picture of Ian, whom, in this particular picture looks facially, a little bit like our Daniel

Our Daniel had planned to attend Virginia Commonwealth University's Kinetic Studies Program. He was interested in creating computer video animations for both educational and entertainment purposes. Despite the fact that he was 12 1/2 when he passed, he already was doing so. Academically, he was ready to attend a local college, and then produce a portfolio which would have transferred him into VCU. He would have been our third child to graduate with a degree in fine arts from VCU. Sadly that was not to be.
For this reason, I am particularly concerned about families who have sent their children to VCU, and are missing. With 34,000 students and a decentralized urban campus, this happens far more often than we would like to think about.
Twenty-two year old Ian Burnet is from New Kent County, in Virginia. He is a junior at VCU, and is a student within good standing at the School of Engineering. He and a friend went to New York City via bus on December 30, and Ian has not been heard from since. Police here in Virginia state that "No foul play is suspected", but friends say that this is uncharacteristic behavior for Ian. Police indicate that Ian has not used his cell phone or his credit card since that day and that he was last seen in New York City at about 139th St. and Riverside Avenue in Harlem. We are praying for Ian's safe return.

Ian Hunter Burnet, 22, is a white male, reportedly weighing 160 lbs. and standing five-foot, 10-inches. He has brown hair and green eyes.
Ian graduated from New Kent County High School in 2008. He is currently a VCU student, studying electrical engineering, computer engineering, mathematics and physics.
His LinkedIn profile indicates that Ian is a software engineer at Sonoco Packaging Company.
Ian's older brother Jamie has said that Ian's travel companions said that Ian walked away from them. He left his computer, phone, wallet and all his money, ipod, According to The Hudson Reporter.Com, it now appears that Ian may have had his $20. Metro card, his ID, and his jacket with him. Jamie also indicates that Ian, like many university students, has had a history of depression.

If you see him or have any information, please contact:

NYPD either Detective Sanchez or Det. Davis, or Sgt Greene at the 30th Precinct 451 W 151st St. 212-690-8842.

Yes, Caleb Chapman is the group name of Steven Curtis Chapman's adult sons Caleb and Will.

Happy New Year to a World in Turmoil

2012-01-01T06:48:00.001-05:00

As I said in the prior post, there are some things, my boy, that are unfolding in the world that sometimes make me feel that I am glad you are spared the worries of the world just now.   Last evening, I watched a program in which Gerald Celente provided forecasts about things that might occur in the world within the next year.   You might remember the name, Gerald Celente, from his accent in a New Yorker, and is a frequent contributor to RT (Russia Today).   Some news groups consider RT unfairly biased against the United States and its economy because Russia and its growing economic machine clearly benefit when world markets consider the US economy poorly managed or in trouble. However, I listen to all the news outlets from Deutche Welle, to BBC, the Japanese News NHK, France 24, Al Jazeera, and the Israeli news. Between those outlets and the blogosphere, the truth generally lies somewhere between all of their concerns. There is no doubt there are some significant concerns. The economy worldwide is not in stellar shape. Unwise business practices and unwise lending practices have resulted in a large stock of toxic loans. Mortgages, for example, that people borrowed and now, due to unemployment, cannot pay back. Homes have been repossessed, and are not being maintained and are deteriorating. Some of these homes are being sold in auctions for as little as a dollar, but there is no work in those cities, and now there is crime. Investors picked some of them up, only to find no one will rent the large glut of homes available, and now, have greedily bought so many homes, the investors are losing money paying the taxes on them. When US investors are losing money, they do not spend money anywhere else in the world, and then economic issues which already exist, worsen. The US, which has always been fond of spending too much money in its domestic program, continues its addiction, even though it no longer has the tax base to do so. Meanwhile, more and more people distrust the US federal government as it passes laws which impede the basic freedoms people had from the country's inception. Many people are leaving here, but I don't know that South America is a wiser place to be going, or to be buying beachfront property.
            Europe continues to have its own problems. The Euro has been in use now for ten years. I have never been a proponent of one currency. I always thought there was inherent danger in typing all of Europe together. Greece, Portugal, Spain, and Italy are having economic difficulties, and are likely to be bailed out by Germany and Frances more secure economies. England has said it cannot afford to help, although the United Kingdom wisely kept its pound sterling.
          Across the world, people are rebelling against their leaders. In turn, their leaders are proposing or enacting emergency laws which protect government, and the result is a new fascism, rather than the democracies that were prayed for.
           In addition, Muslim nations across the world are experiencing their own pains. The past year has seen the deaths of many as they rebelled against leaders they saw as unfair, in a hope of constructing a better and more equitable nation.   Many of them are still waiting for that equitable nation to emerge.   Meanwhile, Iran's government of renegades still believes that they are to be the match that sets the world ablaze to fulfill prophecy which ends the world as we have known it.
           On the farm here, things are the same. the animals are cared for, somehow the taxes are paid. Half of us work off the farm. Half of us work here. We watch and we worry. We ask for God's blessing and for safety and protection in the year to come.   Daniel, love to you, and to my Dad.

Adventures in Linear Time.......and Happy New Year

2011-12-31T12:22:00.003-05:00

Photo: Steve Jurvetson

For someone with college degrees, I really understand so little about the way the world and the cosmos truly works. Dad, when you passed, you had prepared me for that day all of my life. I knew very clearly that I had been prepared to stand alone, if need be, and to complete my tasks on Earth without you. Thank you for such a fantastic job of teaching me to stand tall, no matter what happens in the world. I accepted your passing and somehow knew you would know how I was doing as I complete my tasks on Earth. Daniel, in 2008, I never expected you to pass to spirit before me. My focus was preparing you and your siblings to stand tall without me and without your Dad, just as I had been prepared to. I did not know that you were intended for a different set of tasks than I imagined during your time on Earth. After you passed in late 2008, I didn't want it to become 2009. I still thought that somehow, if there were any justice in the universe at all that somehow, I could return to 2008, or remain in it, and not move forward until you somehow came with me. Each year since, I have approached a new year with reticence and perhaps a little dread. I am in uncharted waters now. If a child of mine with no known medical problems could pass without clear cause on autopsy, then truly anything can happen in this life, and sometimes I am truly frightened as the years pass. Somehow, 2009, became 2010, and quickly 2010 became 2011. The US economy deteriorated over this time, and the people entrusted with course corrections not only fell asleep at the wheel, but they appeared to do things counter to actual rational course corrections. The entire bus is headed into a ditch. Part of me feels relief sometimes that you will not have to navigate in a world in which college, getting a first job, and supporting a family are becoming increasingly difficult. I know you would have done it, and done it well, but your tasks would have been true challenges in the environment which now exists in the US.
This year, although I know that difficult times are to come for both the world, and especially for the United States, I am doing better with the idea that 2011 will become 2012, and will do so in a number of hours. I will even celebrate it. I will celebrate it because James needs to spend some time celebrating milestones in his life and with his still new family. I will do it for another reason I finally realized. As fast as the years flow, then the closer to the end of my time on Earth we are, and then, we become closer to my seeing you again. Can you believe, my dear, it took me three years to figure this out ? Another year is being put to bed, and I am just that much closer to being home with you and Dad. I will not forget to use the rest of time on Earth wisely, just watch.

Ben Breedlove's Story

2011-12-29T07:21:00.009-05:00

This is Part One and Part Two of a video made by eighteen year old Ben Breedlove of Austin, Texas.
Ben has hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. In these videos, he tells of some of his experiences. Ben passed away on Christmas evening of this year.
We send condolences to his family. Ben, Thank you for these videos. They will help many people to know what you have experienced.
To Ben's family, In the beginning the remembrances of your son's passing will be very prominent in your lives, but as time goes on, the memories of Ben's life will loom larger and larger, obstructing the sadder or more bittersweet ones. May you feel God's presence as He holds you both gently and tightly through these days.

Those who wish to leave online condolences for Ben's family can do so at:

www.cookwaldenfuneralhome. com

It was no surprize to me, that Ben's middle name, is also Daniel.

Benjamin Daniel Breedlove

UPDATE: December 30, 2011 Ben's funeral was attended by more than 1500 people. More than that, couldn't get in. People who were there said that his family, especially sister Ally, and his mother Deanne especially modeled the strong faith that Ben so clearly had. Ben, just as you had thought, they made you proud with their courage and their conviction of their faith. Godspeed.

Pondering Life After Death

2011-12-25T13:50:00.002-05:00

On the occasion of the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, I wanted to share something with you.
The following is the writing of St. John Maximovitch

.Whether he has everything correct or not, does not matter. What is interesting is that he explains many of the things that mediums of today have said, and a few things that Daniel has told me in dreams.

Life After Death

by St. John Maximovitch

A description of the first 40 days after death.

Limitless and without consolation would have been our sorrow for close ones who are dying, if the Lord had not given us eternal life. Our life would be pointless if it ended with death. What benefit would there then be from virtue and good deed? Then they would be correct who say: "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!"
But man was created for immortality, and by His resurrection Christ opened the gates of the Heavenly Kingdom, of eternal blessedness for those who have believed in Him and have lived righteously. Our earthly life is a preparation for the future life, and this preparation ends with our death. "It is appointed unto man once to die, but after this the judgment" (Heb 9:27). Then a man leaves all his earthly cares; the body disintegrates, in order to rise anew at the General Resurrection. Often this spiritual vision begins in the dying even before death, and while still seeing those around them and even speaking with them, they see what others do not see. [1]
But when it leaves the body, the soul finds itself among other spirits, good and bad. Usually it inclines toward those which are more akin to it in spirit, and if while in the body it was under the influence of certain ones, it will remain in dependence upon them when it leaves the body, however unpleasant they may turn out to be upon encountering them. [2]
For the course of two days the soul enjoys relative freedom and can visit places on earth which were dear to it, but on the third day it moves into other spheres. [3] At this time (the third day), it passes through legions of evil spirits which obstruct its path and accuse it of various sins, to which they themselves had tempted it.
According to various revelations there are twenty such obstacles, the so-called "toll-houses," at each of which one or another form of sin is tested; after passing through one the soul comes upon the next one, and only after successfully passing through all of them can the soul continue its path without being immediately cast into gehenna. How terrible these demons and their toll-houses are may be seen in the fact that Mother of God Herself, when informed by the Archangel Gabriel of Her approaching death, answering her prayer, the Lord Jesus Christ Himself appeared from heaven to receive the soul of His Most Pure Mother and conduct it to heaven. Terrible indeed is the third day for the soul of the departed, and for this reason it especially needs prayers then for itself. [4]
Then, having successfully passed through the toll-houses and bowed down before God, the soul for the course of 37 more days visits the heavenly habitations and the abysses of hell, not knowing yet where it will remain, and only on the fortieth day is its place appointed until the resurrection of the dead. [5] Some souls find themselves (after the forty days) in a condition of foretasting eternal joy and blessedness, and others in fear of the eternal torments which will come in full after the Last Judgment. Until then changes are possible in the condition of souls, especially through offering for them the Bloodless Sacrifice (commemoration at the Liturgy), and likewise by other prayers. [6]
How important commemoration at the Liturgy is may be seen in the following occurrence: Before the uncovering of the relics of St. Theodosius of Chernigov [7], the priest-monk (the renowned Starets Alexis of Goloseyevsky Hermitage, of the Kiev-Caves Lavra, who died in 1916) who was conducting the re-vesting of the relics, becoming weary while sitting by the relics, dozed off and saw before him the Saint, who told him: "I thank you for laboring with me. I beg you also, when you will serve the Liturgy, to commemorate my parents" -- and he gave their names (Priest Nikita and Maria). "How can you, O Saint, ask my prayers, when you yourself stand at the heavenly Throne and grant to people God's mercy?" the priest-monk asked. "Yes, that is true," replied St. Theodosius, "but the offering at the Liturgy is more powerful than my prayer."
Therefore, panikhidas (i.e., Trisagion Prayers for the Dead) and prayer at home for the dead are beneficial to them, as are good deeds done in their memory, such as alms or contributions to the church. But especially beneficial for them is commemoration at the Divine Liturgy. There have been many appearances of the dead and other occurrences which confirm how beneficial is the commemoration of the dead. Many who died in repentance, but who were unable to manifest this while they were alive, have been freed from tortures and have obtained repose. In the Church prayers are ever offered for the repose of the dead, and on the day of the Descent of the Holy Spirit, in the kneeling prayers at vespers, there is even a special petition "for those in hell."
Every one of us who desires to manifest his love for the dead and give them real help, can do this best of all through prayer for them, and particularly by commemorating them at the Liturgy, when the particles which are cut out for the living and the dead are let fall into the Blood of the Lord with the words: "Wash away, O Lord, the sins of those here commemorated by Thy Precious Blood and by the prayers of Thy saints."
We can do nothing better or greater for the dead than to pray for them, offering commemoration for them at the Liturgy. Of this they are always in need, and especially during those forty days when the soul of the deceased is proceeding on its path to the eternal habitations. The body feels nothing then: it does not see its close ones who have assembled, does not smell the fragrance of the flowers, does not hear the funeral orations. But the soul senses the prayers offered for it and is grateful to those who make them and is spiritually close to them.
O relatives and close ones of the dead! Do for them what is needful for them and within your power. Use your money not for outward adornment of the coffin and grave, but in order to help those in need, in memory of your close ones who have died, for churches, where prayers for them are offered. Show mercy to the dead, take care of their souls. [8]
Before us all stands the same path, and how we shall then wish that we would be remembered in prayer! Let us therefore be ourselves merciful to the dead.
As soon as someone has reposed, immediately call or inform a priest, so he can read the Prayers appointed to be read over all Orthodox Christians after death.
Try, if it be possible, to have the funeral in Church and to have the Psalter read over the deceased until the funeral.
Most definitely arrange at once for the serving of the forty-day memorial, that is, daily commemoration at the Liturgy for the course of forty days. (NOTE: If the funeral is in a church where there are no daily services, the relatives should take care to order the forty-day memorial wherever there are daily services.) It is likewise good to send contributions for commemoration to monasteries, as well as to Jerusalem, where there is constant prayer at the holy places.
Let us take care for those who have departed into the other world before us, in order to do for them all that we can, remembering that "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."

Footnotes:

[1] But his soul continues to live. Not for an instant does it cease to exist. Our external, biological and earthly life ends with death, but the soul continues to live on. The soul is our very existence, the center of all our energies and our thoughts. The soul moves and gives life to the body. After its separation from the body it continues to live, to exist, to have awareness.
St. Theophan the Recluse, in a message to a dying woman, writes: "You will not die. Your body will die, but you will over to a different world, being alive, remembering yourself and recognizing the whole world that surrounds you."
St. Dorotheos (6th century) summarizes the teaching of the early Fathers in this way: "For as the Fathers tell us, the souls of the dead remember everything that happened here -- thoughts, words, desires -- and nothing can be forgotten. But, as it says in the Psalm, 'In that day all their thoughts shall perish' (Psalm 145:5).
The thoughts he speaks of are those of this world, about houses and possessions, parents and children, and business transactions. All these things are destroyed immediately when the soul passes out of the body. But what he did against virtue or against his evil passions, he remembers and none of this is lost. In fact, the soul loses nothing that it did in the world but remembers everything at its exit from this body."
St. John Cassian (5th century) likewise teaches: "Souls after the separation from this body are not idle, do not remain without consciousness; this is proved by the Gospel parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:22-28). The souls of the dead do not lose their consciousness, they do not even lose their dispositions -- that is, hope and fear, joy and grief, and something of that which they expect for themselves at the Universal Judgment they begin already to foretaste."
[2] He who departs from this world experiences much consolation when he sees friendly people surrounding his dead body. Such a person discerns in his beloved friends' tears of pain their love and sincere dedication. The greatest earthly joy is undoubtedly the realization that we die honored and appreciated by all who knew us.
But just as at the hour of death the dead body is surrounded by relatives and friends, so also is the soul, which abandons the body and is directed towards its heavenly homeland, accompanied by the spiritual beings related to it.
The virtuous soul is surrounded by bright angels of light, while the sinful soul is surrounded by dark and evil beings, that is, the demons.
St. Basil The Great (4th century) explains it this way: "Let no one deceive you with empty words; for destruction will come suddenly upon you; it will come like a storm. A grim angel (i.e., a demon) will come to take and drag violently the soul that has been tied to sins; and your soul will turn toward here and will suffer silently, having already been excluded from the organ of mourning (the body). O how you will be troubled at the hour of death for yourself! How you will sigh!"
St. Macarius Of Egypt writes of this: "When you hear that there are rivers of dragons and mouths of lions (cf. Heb 11:33, Ps 22:21) and dark powers under the sky and burning fire (Jer 20:9) that crackles in the members of the body, you must know this: unless you receive the earnest of the Holy Spirit (2 Cor 1:22; 5:5), at the hour when your soul is separated from the body, the evil demons hold fast to your soul and do not suffer you to rise up to heaven."
This same Father also teaches us: "When the soul abandons the body a certain great mystery is enacted. If the deceased has departed unrepentant, a host of demons and rejected angels and dark powers receive that soul and keep it with them. The completely opposite happens with those who have repented: for near the holy servants of God there are now angels and good spirits standing by, surrounding and protecting them, and when they depart from the body, the choir of angels receive their souls to themselves, to the pure aeon."
The champion of Orthodoxy against the Nestorian heresy, St. Cyril Of Alexandria likewise teaches: "When the soul is separated from the body it sees the fearful, wild, merciless and fierce demons standing by. The soul of the righteous is taken by the holy angels, passed through the air and is raised up."
St. Gregory The Dialogist writes: "One must reflect deeply on how frightful the hour of death will be for us, what terror the soul will then experience, what remembrance of all the evils, what forgetfulness of past happiness, what fear, and what apprehension of the Judge. Then the evil spirits will seek out in the departing soul its deeds; then they will present before its view the sins towards which they had disposed it, so as to draw their accomplice to torment. But why do we speak only of the sinful soul, when they come even to the chosen among the dying and seek out their own in them, if they have succeeded with them? Among men there was only One Who before His suffering fearlessly said: 'Hereafter I talk not much with you: For the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in Me (John 14:30)."
This truth is confirmed by various liturgical services. For example, in Small Compline we ask THE MOTHER OF GOD to "be merciful to me not only in this miserable life, but also at the time of my death; take care of my miserable soul and banish far from it the dark and sinister faces of the evil demons."
In a prayer of the Midnight Service of Saturday (addressed to THE SAVIOUR) we pray: "Master, be merciful to me and let not my soul see the dark and gloomy sight of the evil spirits, but let bright and joyous angels receive it."
Again, in another hymn to THE THEOTOKOS (from the Monday Matins service) we pray: "At the fearful hour of death free us from the horrible decision of the demons seeking to condemn us." Similar prayers, addressed to the Lord and to the Holy Angels, are found throughout the service for the Repose of the Dying.
[3] Here, St. John is simply repeating a teaching common to the Church. St. Macarius Of Alexandria (having received the teaching not from men but from an angel) explains: "When an offering (i.e., the Eucharist) is made in Church on the third day, the soul of the departed receives from its guardian angel relief from the sorrow it feels as a result of the separation from the body.
In the course of two days the soul is permitted to roam the earth, wherever it wills, in the company of the angels that are with it. Therefore, the soul loving the body, sometimes wanders about the house in which its body has been laid out, and thus spends two days like a bird seeking its nest.
But the virtuous soul goes about those places in which it was wont to do good deeds.
On the third day, He Who Himself rose from the dead on the third day, commands the Christian soul, in imitation of His Resurrection, to ascend to the Heavens to worship the God of all."
St. John Of Damascus vividly describes the state of the soul, parted from the body but still on earth, helpless to contact the loved ones whom it can see, in the Orthodox Funeral Service: "Woe is me! What manner of ordeal doth the soul endure when it is parted from the body! Alas! How many then are its tears, and there is none to show compassion! It raiseth its eyes to the angels; all unavailing is its prayer. It stretcheth out its hands to men, and findeth none to succor. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, meditating on the brevity of our life, let us beseech of Christ rest for him who hath departed hence, and for our souls great mercy."
St. Theophan, in writing to the brother of a dying woman, says: "Your sister will not die; the body dies, but the personality of the dying one remains. It only goes over to another order of life. It is not she whom they will put in the grave. She is in another place. She will be just as alive as you are now. In the first hours and days she will be around you. Only she will not say anything, and you won't be able to see her; but she will be right here. Have this in mind."
[4] There is absolutely no doubt that the teaching of the toll-houses is the teaching of the Orthodox Church. We find this teaching in Holy Scripture (cf. Eph 6:12), the writings of all the Church Fathers (both ancient and modern) and throughout the prayers of the Church.
St. ATHANASIUS THE GREAT, in his famous life of St. Antony, describes the following:

"At the approach of the ninth hour, after beginning to pray before eating food, Antony was suddenly seized by the Spirit and raised up by angels into the heights. The aerial demons opposed his progress: the angels disputing with them, demanded that the reason of their opposition be set forth, because Antony had no sins at all. The demons strove to set forth the sins committed by him from his very birth; but the angels closed the mouths of the slanderers, telling them that they should not count the sins from his birth which had already been blotted out by the grace of Christ; but let them present -- if they have any -- the sins he committed after he entered monasticism and dedicated himself to God. In their accusation the demons uttered many brazen lies; but since their slanders were wanting in proof, a free path opened for Antony. Immediately he came to himself and saw that he was standing in the same place where he had stood for prayer. Forgetting about food, he spent the night in prayer with tears and groanings, reflecting on the multitude of man's enemies, on the battle against such an army, on the difficultly of the path to heaven through the air, and on the words of the Apostle who said: 'Our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities and powers of the air' (Eph 6:12; Eph 2:2).
The Apostle, knowing that the aerial powers are seeking only one thing, are concerned over it with all fervor, exert themselves and strive to deprive us of a free passage to heaven, exhorts: 'Take up the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day (Eph 6:13), that the adversary may be put to shame, having no evil thing to say of us (Tit 2:8)."

St. John Chrysostom, describing the hour of death, teaches:

"Then we will need many prayers, many helpers, many good deeds, a great intercession from angels on the journey through the spaces of the air. If when traveling in a foreign land or a strange city we are in need of a guide, how much more necessary for us are guides and helpers to guide us past the invisible dignities and powers and world-rulers of this air, who are called persecutors and publicans and tax-collectors."

St. Isaiah The Recluse (6th century) teaches that Christians should

"daily have death before our eyes and take care how to accomplish the departure from the body and how to pass by the powers of darkness who are to meet us in the air."

St. Hesychius, Presbyter of Jerusalem (5th century) teaches:

"The hour of death will find us, it will come, and it will be impossible to escape it. Oh, if only the prince of the world and the air who is then to meet us might find our iniquities as nothing and insignificant and might not be able to accuse us justly."

St. EPHRAIM THE SYRIAN (4th century) thus describes the hour of death and the hour of judgment at the toll-houses:

"When the fearful hour comes, when the divine takers-away command the soul to be translated from the body, when they draw us away by force and lead us away to the unavoidable judgment place -- then, seeing them, the poor man comes all into a shaking as if from an earthquake, is all in trembling. The divine takers-away, taking the soul, ascend in the air where stand the chiefs, the authorities and world-rulers of the opposing powers. These are our accusers, the fearful publicans, registrars, tax-collectors; they meet it on the way, register, examine and count all the sins and debts of this man -- the sins of youth and old age, voluntary and involuntary, committed in deed, word and thought. Great is the fear here, great the trembling of the poor soul, indescribable the want which it suffers then from the incalculable multitudes of its enemies surrounding it there in myriads, slandering it so as not to allow it to ascend to heaven, to dwell in the light of the living, to enter the land of life. But the holy angels, taking the soul, lead it away."

St Cyril of Alexandria explains this further:

"As the soul ascends, it finds tax officials guarding the ascent, holding and preventing the souls from ascending. Each one of these custom stations presents its own particular sins of the souls. But, by the same token, the good angels do not abandon the soul to these evil stations. At the time of its accounting the angels offer in turn the soul's good works.
In fact, the holy angelic powers enumerate to the evil spirits the good acts of the soul that were done by word, deed, thought and imagination. If the soul is found to have lived piously and in a way pleasing to God, it is received by the holy angels and transferred to that ineffable joy of the blessed and eternal life.
But, if it is found to have lived carelessly and prodigally, it hears the most harsh word: 'Let the ungodly be taken away, that he not see the glory of the Lord' (Isa 26:10).
Then the holy angels with profound regret abandon the soul and it is received by those dark demons so that may fling it with much malevolence into the prisons of Hades."

An early Church catchiest, referring to custom officials who collected taxes, relays to us the common Church teaching:

"I know of other tax collectors who after our departure from this present life inspect us and hold us to see if we have something that belongs to them." The same catchiest goes on to say: "I wonder how much we must suffer at the hands of those evil angels, who inspect everything and who, when someone is found unrepentant, demand not only the payment of taxes simply, but also seize and hold us completely captive" (Origen).

This view is upheld by our great Father, St. Basil. Speaking about the courageous athletes of the faith, he teaches that they too will be scrutinized by the "revenue officials," that is, by the evil spirits. The same Father also says that the evil spirits observe the departure of the soul with so much more vigilant attention than do enemies over a besieged city or thieves over a treasury house. St. John Chrysostom likewise calls demons "revenue officials" who threaten us and who are "overbearing powers with a fearful countenance that horrifies the soul that looks upon them."
In another place St. John says that these evil spirits are called "persecutors and revenue officials and collectors of taxes in the Sacred Scripture." According to St. John, even the souls of innocent infants must pass through these toll-houses, for the all-evil devil seeks to snatch their souls, too. However, the infants make the following confession (according to St. John): "We have passed by the evil spirits without suffering any harm. For the dark custom officials saw our spotless body and were put to shame; they saw the soul good and pure and were embarrassed; they say the tongue immaculate and pure and blameless and they were silenced; we passed by and humiliated them. This is why the holy angles of God who met and received us rejoiced, the righteous greeted us with joy and the saints with delight said, 'Welcome, the lambs of Christ!'"
Probably the clearest and most comprehensive account of the toll-houses is that given by an angel of the Lord to St. Macarius Of Egypt:

"From the earth to heaven there is a ladder and a each rung has a cohort of demons. These are called toll-houses and the evil spirits meet the soul and bring its handwritten accounts and show these to the angels, saying: on this day and such and such of the month this soul did that: either it stole or fornicated or committed adultery or engaged in sodomy or lied or encouraged someone to an evil deed. And everything else evil which it has done, they show to the angels. The angels then show whatever good the soul has done, charity or prayer or liturgies or fasting or anything else.
And the angels and the demons reckon up, and if they find the good greater than the evil, the angels seize the soul and take it up the next rung, while the demons gnash their teeth like wild dogs and make haste the snatch that pitiable soul from the hands of the Angels. The soul, meanwhile, cowers and terror encompasses it, and it makes as if to hide in the bosom of the Angels and there is a great discussion and must turmoil until that soul is delivered from the hands of the demons.
And they come again to another rung and there find another toll-house, fiercer and more horrible. And in this too, there is much uproar and great and indescribable turbulence as to who shall take that wretched soul. And shouting out aloud, the demons examine the soul, causing terror and saying: 'Where are you going? Aren't you the one who fornicated and thoroughly polluted Holy Baptism? Aren't you the one who polluted the angelic habit? Get back. Get down. Get yourself to dark Hell. Get yourself to the outer fire. Get going to that worm that never sleeps.'
Then if it be that that soul is condemned, the demons bear it off to below the earth, to a dark and distressing spot. And woe to that soul in which that person was born. And who shall tell, holy Father, the straits in which the condemned souls will find themselves in that place!
But if the soul is found clean and sinless, it goes up the Heaven with such joy."

Descriptions of the aerial toll-houses may also be found in the following Saints' lives:

St. EUSTRATIUS THE GREAT MARTYR (4th century)
St. NIPHON OF CONSTANTIA in Cyprus (4th century)
St. SYMEON THE FOOL FOR CHRIST (6th century)
St. JOHN THE MERCIFUL (7th century)
St SYMEON OF THE WONDROUS MOUNTAIN (7th century)
St. MACARIUS THE GREAT (4th century)
St. COLUMBA (6th century)
St. ADAMNAN (8th century)
St. BONIFACE (8th century)
St. BASIL THE NEW (10th century)
The Soldier TAXIOTES
St. JOHN OF THE LADDER (6th century)

This very ancient teaching of the early Church Fathers and ascetic Saints is confirmed by the experience and teaching of saints more modern. St. Seraphim Of Sarov relates:

"Two nuns passed on. Both had been abbesses. The Lord revealed to me that their souls were having difficulty getting through the aerial toll-houses. Three days and nights, I, a lowly sinner, prayed and begged the Mother Of God for their salvation. The goodness of the Lord, through the prayers of the Most Holy Mother Of God, finally had mercy upon them. They passed the aerial toll-houses and received forgiveness of sins."

Likewise, St. Theophan The Recluse writes:

"No matter how absurd the idea of the toll-houses may seem to our 'wise men,' they will not escape passing through them. What do these toll-gatherers seek in those who pass through? They seek whether people might have some of their goods. What kind of goods?
Passions.
Therefore, in the person whose heart is pure and a stranger to passion, they cannot find anything to wrangle over; on the contrary, the opposing quality will strike them like arrows of lightning.
To this someone who has a little education expressed the following thought: The toll-houses are something frightful. But it is quite possible that the demons, instead of something frightful, might present something seductive. They might present something deceptive and seductive, according to the kinds of passions, to the soul as it passes through one after the other.
When, during the course of life, the passions have been banished from the heart and the virtues opposed to them have been planted, then no matter what seductive thing you might present, the soul, having no kind of sympathy for it, passes by it, turning away from it with disgust. But when the heart has not been cleansed, the soul will rush to whatever passion the heart has most sympathy for; and the demons will take it like a friend, and then they know where to put it.
Therefore, it is very doubtful that a soul, as long as there remain in it sympathies for the objects of any passion, will not be put to shame at the toll-houses. Being put to shame here means that the soul itself is thrown into hell."

In another place, St. Theophan (continuing his letter to the brother of the woman who was about to die) writes:

"In the departed there soon begins the struggle of going through the toll-houses. Here she needs help! Stand then in thought, and you will hear her cry to you: Help! This is where you should direct all your attention and all your love for her. Immerse yourself in prayer for her in her new condition and her new, unexpected needs. Having begun thus, remain in unceasing crying out to God to help her, for the course of six weeks, and indeed for longer than that.
In the account of Theodora, the bag from which the angels took in order to be separated from the tax-collectors was the prayers of her elder. Your prayers will do the same; do not forget to do this. This is love!"

Significantly, all of this testimony is confirmed by the liturgical prayers of the Church. St. Ignatius Brianchaninov cites over 20 examples of references to the Toll-houses in the Divine service books and this is not a complete list!
[5] According to the revelation of the angel to St. Macarius, the Church's special commemoration of the departed on the 9th day after death (apart from the general significance of the ranks of angels) occurs because up to then the soul is shown the beauties of Paradise, and only after this, for the remainder of the forty days, is sown the torments and horrors of hell, before being assigned on the fortieth day to the place where it will await the resurrection of the dead and the Last Judgment.
[6] The Church's teaching on the state of souls in heaven and hell before the Last Judgment is set forth in its clearest fashion by St. Mark Of Ephesus in his dialogue with the Roman Catholics over the Roman doctrine of Purgatory (which the Orthodox reject as false). It is an extensive collection of writings, and much of it is beyond the focus of this limited study. The following should suffice, however, to illustrate the Orthodoxy of St. John Maximovitch's words:

"Those reposed in faith are without doubt helped by the Liturgies and prayers and almsgiving performed for them, and that this custom has been in force from antiquity, there is the testimony of many and various utterances of the Teachers, both Latin and Greek, spoken and written at various times and in various places. But that souls are delivered thanks to a certain purgatorial suffering and temporal fire which possesses such (a purgatorial) power and has the character of a help -- this we do not find in either Scripture or in the prayers and hymns for the dead, or in the words of the Teachers.
But we have received that even the souls which are held in hell and are already given over to eternal torments, whether in actual fact and experience or in hopeless expectation of such, although not in the sense of completely loosing them from torment or giving hope for final deliverance.
And this is shown by the words of the great Macarius the Egyptian ascetic who, finding a skull in the desert, was instructed by it concerning this by the action of Divine Power.
And Basil The Great, in the prayers read at Pentecost, writes literally the following:
'Who also, on this all-perfect and saving feast, are graciously pleased to accept propitiatory prayers for those who are imprisoned in hell, granting us a great hope of improvement for those who are imprisoned from the defilements which have imprisoned them, and that Thou wilt send down Thy consolation' (Third Kneeling Prayer at Vespers).
But if souls have departed this life in faith and love, while nevertheless carrying with themselves certain faults, whether small ones over which they have not repented at all, or great ones for which -- even though have repented over them -- they did not undertake to show fruits of repentance: such souls, we believe, must be cleansed from this kind of sins, but not by means of some purgatorial fire or a definitive punishment in some place (for this, as we have said, has not at all been handed down to us).
But some must be cleansed in the very departure from the body (as St. Gregory The Dialogist literally shows); while others must be cleansed after the departure from the body, before they come to worship God and are honored with the lot of the blessed, or -- if their sins were more serious and bind them for a longer duration -- they are kept in hell, but not in order to remain forever in fire and torment, but as it were in prison and confinement under guard.
All such ones, we affirm, are helped by the prayers and Liturgies performed for them, with the cooperation of the Divine Goodness and Love for mankind.
And so, we entreat God and believe to deliver the departed (from eternal torment), and not from any other torment or fire apart from those torments and that fire which have been proclaimed to be forever."

St. MARK further explains the state of the departed in this way:

"We affirm that neither the righteous have as yet received the fullness of their lot and that blessed condition for which they have prepared themselves here through works, nor have sinners, after death, been led away into the eternal punishment in which they shall be tormented eternally. Rather, both the one and the other must necessarily take place after the Judgment of that last day and the resurrection of all.
Now, however, both the one and the other are in places proper to them: the first, in absolute repose and free, are in heaven with the angels and before God Himself, and already as if in Paradise from which Adam fell and often visit us in those temples where they are venerated, and hear those who call on them and pray for them to God, having received from Him this surpassing gift, and through their relics perform miracles and take delight in the vision of God and the illumination sent from Him more perfectly and purely than before, when they were alive;
while the second, in their turn, being confined to hell, remain in 'the lowest pit, in darkness and in the shadow of death' (Ps 87:7), as David says, and then Job: 'to the land where the light is darkness' (Job 10:21-22).
And the first remain in every joy and rejoicing, already expecting and only not having in their hands the Kingdom and the unutterable good things promised them;
and the second, on the contrary, remain in all confinement and inconsolable suffering, like condemned men awaiting the Judge's sentence and foreseeing the torments.
Neither have the first yet received the inheritance of the Kingdom and those good things 'which eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man' (1 Cor 2:9); nor have the second part yet been given over to eternal torments nor to burning in the unquenchable fire. And this teaching we have as handed down from our Fathers in antiquity and we can easily present it from the Divine Scriptures themselves."

St. GREGORY THE GREAT, in answering the question, "Is there anything at all that can possibly benefit souls after death?" teaches:

"The Holy Sacrifice of Christ, our saving Victim, brings great benefits to souls even after death, provided their sins (are such as) can be pardoned in the life to come. For this reason the souls of the dead sometimes beg to have Liturgies offered for them. The safer course, naturally, is to do for ourselves what we hope others will do for us after death. It is better to make one's exit a free man than to seek liberty after one is in chains. We should, therefore, despise the world with all our hearts as though its glory were already spent, and offer our sacrifice of tears to God each day as we immolate His sacred Flesh and Blood. This Sacrifice alone has the power of saving the soul from eternal death, for it presents to us mystically the death of the Only-begotten Son."

Many incidents from the Lives of Orthodox saints and ascetics confirm this teaching.
[7] The Apostolic Constitutions (1st/2nd century) teach that Memorials for the dead be served with "psalms and readings and prayers" on the third day after the death of our beloved one, on account of the Lord Jesus "who rose after three days."
They prescribe Memorials on the ninth day "as a reminder of the living and the dead," as well as "on the fortieth day after death according to ancient practice."
This is how the people of Israel mourned for the great Moses. In addition to these we must have annual Memorials in remembrance of the deceased. This teaching is also given by St. Isidoros Of Pelusium, St. Symeon The New Theolgian and St. Gregory The Theologian.
In addition to these Memorials, our holy Church has ordained that the Sabbath (Saturday) be a day of commemoration of the Holy Martyrs and of all the deceased. For the Sabbath, as the seventh day from the beginning of creation, is the day which saw bodily death, imposed upon man by the righteous God. This day is continued, in as much as the death of man is also continued at the same time, Sunday, however, is the "day of the Resurrection, the eighth day, which symbolizes the anticipated age of eternity, the resurrection of the dead and the endless kingdom of God."
Our Mother Church has also ordained common Memorials twice a year: on the Saturday before Meatfare Sunday and on the Saturday before the great feast of Holy Pentecost.
St. John Of Damascus adds: "the Apostles who speak for God and the spirit-bearing Fathers have decreed this with inspiration and in a manner pleasing to God."

Please see: http://www.orthodox.net/articles/life-after-death-john-maximovitch.html

Please donate to their prison ministry if you are able.

The Last Errand Before Christmas

2011-12-23T19:06:00.005-05:00

This morning Adam and I had just a few more Christmas errands to run before settling down at the farm with the rest of the family to celebrate Christmas. We needed to take a gift to a friend of mine, also named Alexandra. She had surprized me with one, earlier in the week. We also had a card returned with forwarding time expired, and I did some research, found the new address and repackaged the card to go to friends in Utah. Our post office is a general store in the middle of nowhere in farm country. It's a beautiful bucolic setting, and a meeting place of sorts. Some days we sit there talking to neighbors and farmers getting the news and hearing about our areas interesting concerns. There is bookcase there with framed pictures of people from the area. Daniel's picture is prominently displayed there, well known to the regulars as the really articulate homeschooled boy who used to come to the post office each day with his mom, and sometimes with his older siblings after they learned to drive. As we left the post office and headed past several farms, we noticed about eight lovely goats of different colors, sizes and ages. We remembered that a friend down the street had goats, and so we drove immediately to tell him. We got there to find that he already knew, and that these were not his goats. He was not concerned and thought they would likely return to where they were fed. Adam talked to him while I sat in the car. All the while Adam was patting a very large sheep who seemed very friendly. When we finally left, Adam told me that the man had offered to give him the sheep. She was a New Zealand haired sheep, meaning that she does not need sheering. She was apparently one of their first sheep and was socialized to human beings and doesn't like sheep much. He thought Adam would be attentive to her. Adam thanked him very much, but he also felt that he could not be as attentive to her as she deserved. We have many animals and sometimes it's hard to spend as much time with them as we would like, other than feeding, watering, and pen maintenance. Still, it's nice to be offered live creatures, as Adam is, fairly often.

This is a lovely scene and not unlike our home, but this year, we have not yet had snow.

Surviving Christmas

2011-12-20T16:23:00.009-05:00

For the families of children who have passed, either suddenly or before it would have been rational to expect them to pass from Earth, Christmas is not a happy day. Our culture gears up for the happiest of days, leaving those of us who have known loss near this time, in the dust. People buy special clothing, they decorate their homes, attend special gatherings and make special food. To many of us, this is a celebration with a child missing. In our house, the person missing is the person who loved Christmas most of all. Daniel had been our youngest and Christmas and other holidays had been a joy to him. The other kids enjoyed Christmas but were old enough to be cultivating friends and other outlets for celebrating the holidays, as they do when they go to college. Our eldest son was engaged just before Daniel's passing, and he was beginning the tough work of navigating the holidays with two families. Daniel liked to be part of all of it, the decoration, the tree, the cards, etc. Each year, we take gifts to our closest neighbors and friends, and Daniel liked to be part of that especially. We cope by understanding that Christmas will never be the holiday that it once was for our family. One of us is missing. We do continue in celebrating the way we always have, in case Daniel would like to look down and see how we are progressing, or to be a part of it, also. My father and my in-laws and others are also welcome, if they wish to come in spirit. We also have James here now, and although we will only have him for a few years before he too is grown and then gone, we must make memories and provide him with a valuable childhood and adolescence with fond Christmas memories and traditions. This year Stephanie decorated the tree, again with Daniel as our angel.(There is a star with his picture on the top of our tree) Adam placed the wreaths everywhere including the barns and the farm gates. Matt has been busy in college, but seemed happy to see the lights. James helped me to make the trip to the neighbors delivering the gifts we send each year. We have added a tradition of providing Christmas to those in a nursing home in the past couple of years. Daniel used to enjoy going to Sam's Club to buy food to deliver to the foodbank before Christmas. We continue many traditions from the Daniel years in the same vein, but without the same enthusiasm. We still do get a couple of gifts for Daniel. We place them in his room, where we have constructed a family room of sorts where we go when we want to see pictures of him, watch his DVDs or play on his computer. The gifts for Daniel will no doubt be played with by the rest of us, as we remember him. I also continue the tradition of writing Daniel a letter I place in his stocking on Christmas Eve, telling him what has happened this year, as if he doesn't really already know, and then I put it in his scrapbook afterward. Christmas will never be the same for those who have lost a child. However, they will find a way to move ahead, move on, and find joy, however small sometimes, in the celebration of Christmas, and the start of a new year.

This is Amy Grant, with her husband Vince Gill singing harmony.

The Meaning and Spirit of Christmas

2011-12-17T20:10:00.007-05:00

Picture from: justletmevent.wordpress.com

Picture from selfexcited.blogspot.com

    We come to Earth as babies, and many of us find a loving mother, often a loving father, grandparents and sometimes even siblings. Uncles and aunts and cousins round out our families, and many of us are lucky enough to be woven into a basket of loving family as we are babies, toddlers and children. We have more connections to the world than we can count, and this is how it is meant to be. Of course, this can change. Fathers can leave or die, mothers can return to work, or pass also. Uncles can move and take cousins with them. Disasters can take entire families as well.   Most often we enjoy our extended families and don't begin to lose large numbers of our family constellation until we are in our fifties or our sixties, when God prepares us one family member at a time, to begin the process of realizing that we will return to Him, from where we came.
            Please try to remember this holiday season that many people have not had the genuine treasures that we associate with Christmas and the holiday season. I am not talking about presents or material things we have. I am speaking of the real treasures of this life, the love, camaraderie, shared acceptance and joy that can come from spending time together as a family.   Not only do many people not have this as children, but it can be hard to create in one's own family when one cannot recall these moments well in adulthood.
              Some of us lose entire families when circumstances take us from them, and some of us lose family when they pass to God, one by one. In any event, people are often left here on Earth without the connections to others they had when they were younger. At Christmas, when the hype of happiness, joy, and a glorious special day is all around us, it can be a very difficult day for many people.   Please remember this, and take part of your holiday season and share it with someone who might not have the connections to family or to friends that you do.   Jesus Christ did not send a blessing to all of us on a proxy date of his birth. He sent us blessings year round. The longer we dwell on Earth the harder it can be for us to see sometimes. And this, is one of the most important things I have learned from Daniel and also from my Dad. Merry Christmas all.

A Close Call with a Fox

2011-12-17T06:20:00.002-05:00

The fox Adam saw is a brighter red, and showed even more teeth

Normally, as we complete our work on the farm, which consists of feeding or moving animals, moving feed, fixing animal housing, mowing or trimming something, we carry handguns on holsters. Sometimes a long gun is impractical when you are moving back and forth and doing things. While wearing a weapon on a belt, one can go a year at a time without having to draw one, and sometimes we feel silly for going to the trouble to strap on the holster when our task in such an idyllic looking place, is a short one. Yesterday, our son Adam was out of town for the day, and returned at dusk. He has a cat which lives in one of the barns that he feeds and places indoors at about dusk or often earlier. Her name is Brielle. Yesterday Adam didn't strap on his weapon as he was still dressed from his day out, and he proceeded to water and feed Brielle. He couldn't find her, and it was getting to be dusk. He looked around and finally located her crouched down in brush. Then he saw why. A large red fox had been stalking our chickens, and Brielle, who for a beautiful cat, is a hunter and defender of the first order, was interfering with his plan. As Adam stood between Brielle and the fox, the fox growled, showed teeth and prepared to attack those he considered in HIS territory. This is when it would have been nice to have a handgun. A fox who challenges a human being in his territory may be rabid or simply too aggressive for his own good and certainly for ours. The standoff continued for a few moments. Just then, as the sky gradually darkened, Adam's maglite blinked off. Of all the times to have a bright light failing ! He couldn't get it to go on again. With that, he shouted, "Brielle, to the barn !" and he threw the mag-lite with all his might at the fox hitting it. Brielle is safe for now in the barn. The fox ran away. The mag-lite is broken. We will need to buy another today. Most importantly, we need to make sure that we are armed each time we perform even the simplest of tasks on the farm. Getting attacked by a fox would necessitate a series of expensive and potentially hazardous rabies prevention shots. This is something we would all like to avoid. I remember Daniel helping to clear this area where the fox is now, by hand with his brothers, in 2008. I am relieved that the fox wasn't there then.

The Smell of Beer

2011-12-14T19:02:00.012-05:00

We are an unusual family in that my husband and I don't drink alcoholic beverages at all. It's not that we have religious ideas that we shouldn't, or health constraints that preclude us from doing so. My husband drank a few drinks in college, and I enjoyed a few glasses of red wine while in college, usually following a harrowing exam. It tended to give me heartburn and I think on occasion, it caused a rare migraine headache. Although we both accept that there are some health benefits to the occasional beer or glass of wine, we just don't drink it, although we might serve some to guests on holidays. Oddly, our kids are the same. Other than a few drinks in college, and at Christmas, they just never got into the habit of drinking much. My kids joked that they could barely afford food in college, let alone drinks. My Dad was an exception to this. He loved an occasional dark ale especially while traveling, or going out with friends for a beer on tap and a slice of pizza.
I had an important business closing going on today, and I hoped my Dad would have been behind the decisions I have been making. In such a difficult economy it's hard to know what decisions to make when so many of our investments have decreased in value over the past few years. Early this morning while I was sleeping, I could smell beer, and I was aware of someone pouring a beer on a table in front of me. Although I didn't see him, I knew it was my Dad in the dream. I believe my Dad was encouraging me, not only at this time of the year before Christmas when I miss him, and I miss Daniel, but in the project I closed upon today. It was as if he was toasting me with a favorite beer. Thanks Dad. I will never tire of hearing from you in whatever manner you or Daniel are able to get messages through !

Dad loved a dark ale, especially some of the British varieties.

This may be a clearer version of the same song visually.

A Visit to a Faraway Town

2011-12-13T18:28:00.006-05:00

Daniel,

Do you remember the female farm veterinarian who used to come out and see all the farm animals periodically ? You remember the vet that had that amazing vet truck with all the supplies and the meds, and even a frij ? Adam and I were out in Louisa at the hardware store and we saw her. I think she was in a hurry because she didn't stop and chat. It's funny how people you met and knew have become special to me in a way that they might not have been, simply because they met and knew you. I just seem to want all the reminders of your time on Earth that I can get. I miss you so, and wish you were here, especially at this time of year. As you know, I am doing the best I can to go forward, even though sometimes I might not much feel like it. I know you and my Dad and in God's safe hands, and are fine, but I have my selfish flesh suit on, and just wish you were here.
Even though the earthquake in Louisa was at the end of August, the hardware store remains damaged. There are cracks in the tile in their bathroom, cracks in the thick smoky glass in their windows, cracks in the interior painted cinderblock and in their fairly new brick building as well. It's going to take years to repair the damage to this earthquake. The extent of the damage is still amazing to me. We got our letter this week telling us that we can't get an inspection for our damage because we are not in the disaster approved county.
All your animals are well. Your rooster Ross is huge and doing very well. We are home on the farm, and keeping the faith, just as if you and Dad will come for dinner on Christmas Day. Oh, and if you can, please do. We will have a buffet. Please tell my Dad I love him so, and I hope he is still proud of me.

A Rustic Christmas

2011-12-10T09:38:00.004-05:00

When Daniel was here on Earth, even though it was a lot of work, I tried hard to decorate as soon as Thanksgiving was over. It honestly took me quite a bit of time. I put wreaths on the farm gates, some years with red bows, and other years with an old fashioned deeper red bow. We have wrought iron plant holders so that hanging plants can grace the walk up to the house itself, and at Christmas, I hang pots overflowing with holly or other decorated Christmas greenery. We place a creche with all the animals, kings, Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus, which is carved, and a family heirloom on a table. We place wreaths on our front door and some transitional doors. One year we had a big family tree that we all decorated, and a smaller tree just for Daniel to decorate, and to put lights on. Some years I have actually decorated the barns and the outbuildings. Putting all of it up can be exciting, but taking it all down, and putting it away can be downright depressing.
This year, I am just tired going into the holiday season. I was ill last month and recovery has sapped my energy and desire to run around like a nut. I am therefore looking for a calmer holiday season, with a little truer peace and goodwill toward men, women, and particularly toward mothers ! Still, James is not grown and has not known many Christmases with us, and so we must make it memorable for him. This year, I am doing a rustic Christmas. The tree is up and decorated. The gifts are purchased and wrapped and are conservative this year in response to the economy. There is nothing frivolous, and things are geared toward general preparedness and need. There are tools, emergency car kits, clothing, expensive socks, and gift certificates from favorite stores rather than jewelry. It's also an arts and crafts Christmas rather than a bought one in some ways. It's also a Christmas where we give things to others, as we try to make it, each year. This year, rather than lots of ribbon with wrap, I have used yarn. It is a nice touch and makes a homespun Christmas.
Christmas really isn't and was never about the trappings, the food, the gifts and the credit cards used to buy gifts. It is simply the remembrance of the day of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He, incidentally, never asked us to celebrate his birth in such a fashion. It's simply one of the things we try to do here on Earth in acknowledgement of His birth and of the great gift He gave us. It's not even really celebrated on the correct day.

The following is from Christianhistory.net

More specifically from: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/news/2000/dec08.html

"Western Christians first celebrated Christmas on December 25 in 336, after Emperor Constantine had declared Christianity the empire's favored religion. Eastern churches, however, held on to January 6 as the date for Christ's birth and his baptism. Most easterners eventually adopted December 25, celebrating Christ's birth on the earlier date and his baptism on the latter, but the Armenian church celebrates his birth on January 6. Incidentally, the Western church does celebrate Epiphany on January 6, but as the arrival date of the Magi rather than as the date of Christ's baptism.

Another wrinkle was added in the sixteenth century when Pope Gregory devised a new calendar, which was unevenly adopted. The Eastern Orthodox and some Protestants retained the Julian calendar, which meant they celebrated Christmas 13 days later than their Gregorian counterparts. Most—but not all—of the Christian world now agrees on the Gregorian calendar and the December 25 date."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Humans are simple creatures. We tell ourselves that this date is the date of Christ's birth and some of us hold it sacred. In fact, we should "love one another" as he implored, each day, not just on Easter, on Christmas or on Sundays.

Grimmer, Grimmer, and Grimmer

2011-12-09T18:01:00.010-05:00

The leaking recreational vehicle where the Grimmer family lived, docked for $400. a month without cooking or showering facilities, other than a green garden hose for periodic showers.

This is the picture Ramie had taken and placed on facebook. It's unfortunate that her family did not document their living conditions as well. Perhaps pictures of their living conditions would have helped them to obtain help.

Timothy was removed from life support today.

I think I will be sick the next time someone tells me that the United States is the richest country in the world. It has always been a little easier to become wealthy here, if you're lucky, because in good economic times, there have been opportunities to train for something which can become a good job, but this has been dwindling. There are almost no new business start ups and nothing but company and job losses now. However, it has also always been easy to become destitute in the US as well. An acute or chronic illness, a job loss, a natural disaster, the failure of a major house system, such as the septic or well to a home resulting in its being condemned by authorities, or a mental illness issue, such as depression has reduced many a family to complete destitution. Some communities have safety nets and churches that will help, and many locations are too poor to even consider it, even when the people have children. With the number of people in serious need in this economy, more and more people are likely to fall through the cracks.
This week, a 38 year old woman named Rachelle Grimmer, applied for social services in Laredo, Texas. Laredo is pretty strapped just now, and is normally one of the poorest counties in the United States. She was apparently living in a recreational vehicle with her twelve year old daughter Ramie, and her ten year old son Timothy. She had been divorced six years, and had claimed domestic abuse. Her ex-husband's family claimed she had "mental health issues". Neighbors in the Laredo trailer park where the family was docked hotly dispute this. They feel she was appropriately conversant with everyone, and was trying to make and sell things. Mrs. Grimmer was claiming to homeschool but one wonders how this could have been possible when she moved from Montana, Ohio, and then to Texas, with very little money, and possibly not enough to buy schoolbooks. Documentation suggests that Mrs. Grimmer applied for public assistance, food stamps and other types of aid numerous times, but because she could not provide proof of empty bank accounts she did not have, or did not have a contact phone number, or a pay stub demonstrating an abyssmally low salary, she was not given any social service aid. I have to wonder how many people, after they'd sold their car for $400. and found a big crack in the RV they were living in with winter coming, wouldn't have been on the edge of mentally disturbed. There is some indication that Mrs. Grimmer had been begging for food at night's end at local restaurants, before the remaining food was thrown away.
One day this week, Mrs. Grimmer went to Laredo Social Services, and when they indicated they could not help her without additional documentation, she shot her daughter and her son in the head, and then killed herself. Mrs. Grimmer died instantly, but the children hung on until each of them died in Intensive Care Units. Ramie died on December the seventh, and Timothy died today.
I am not ready to toss blame to social services. Social Services can only help people who will work with them to provide and document what they do and do not have. I am bothered that Ramie had a computer that made her capable of posting "May die2 day" during her mother's final visit to social services. I would have sold the computer. I am also bothered about the firearm Mrs. Grimmer owned. I too own a firearm, but honestly, if I needed money, I would sell it, pretty quickly. I might have taken pictures of the squallor (using my or a neighbors cellphone) in which I am the children were living in order to get some aid. Yes, there is always the risk that the children would be taken by social services, but this is a risk I would have taken in order to feed them and house them.
As the mother of a child who died at 12 1/2 without clear cause, I cannot imagine anything on this Earth causing me to shoot, injure or kill any of my children. My heart bleeds for those lost children, and for the mind of that mother which was so horribly confused and twisted at the end of her own life.
I am reminded that sometimes it takes very little help or encouragement to help a human being who is demoralized or depressed. In remembrance of this woman, and of daughter Ramie, and son Timothy, please do something to encourage someone who is feeling dejected today. Life is fragile for many people, and especially for children. You could perhaps bring someone having a hard time a bag of groceries. It could get getting them a grocery store gift certificate. Maybe buying a coat on sale for someone you know who needs one. There is no telling what could have changed this week had someone been able to intervene with one small gift of encouragement for Mrs. Grimmer. Who knows. In time, she could have written the next Harry Potter.
Daniel, I hope that there are plenty of loving souls to welcome these lost ones where they are now.

A Forced Christmas

2011-12-06T02:16:00.008-05:00

It's 2 am, and someone is running the washing machine. I have no idea who it is. From this side of the house when it spins there is just the slightest detectable vibration much milder than the earthquake aftershocks we have been having. Well, we did it. We got the tree up, the decorations on. Wouldn't have it done without the help of the kids. The gifts and cards intended for foreign destinations were sent yesterday. The gifts to neighbors and those who work or do things for us through the year have been given. I sent most of the domestic Christmas cards out today, and there will be only about ten more tomorrow. I still need to place the wreath on the door and do some decoration outside. I keep a bunch of Christmas cards in waiting for those who send me an unanticipated card, and then I can quickly reciprocate. I must admit that I don't feel much like Christmas anymore. Daniel has been gone three years, and the other biological kids are all young adults. J. is sixteen now, and there is only so long one can keep trying to give him the "Perfect Christmas" in order to correct the perceived deficiencies in his early life before we adopted him. Sometimes, it feels as if we have outgrown Christmas. I know this is not true. Christmas has simply changed for us, and we must find ways to help ourselves to find new meaning in Christmas. In a little more time, we need to take a ton of Christmas presents for a friend we have who lives in a nursing home. I think this will help my Christmas spirit a great deal. This, and the music. I hope this Christmas is not a forced one for you. I hope you find meaning, comfort, support and joy in this holiday season. When you do, write me, and tell me how you did it !

Daniel's Favorite Christmas Movie Was/Is "Home Alone"

2011-11-28T01:30:00.007-05:00

"Kevin McCallister" from "Home Alone"/ Macaulay Culkin who played him,in the present day.

The film "Home Alone" actually came out in the early nineties, and Daniel was not born until the late middle of that decade, however it quickly became Daniel's favorite Christmas film. For those of you who haven't seen it, or don't remember it well, it's the story of a large Chicago suburban family whose cousins come to visit and the entire family is to make a trip to Europe on a plane Christmas week. Sometimes things in large families go awry, and Kevin is relegated to the third floor of the big house, on the night before they must leave early for the airport. A power outage causes the family to oversleep, and somehow, the family takes off at O'Hare Airport in Chicago, with only seconds to spare, leaving Kevin asleep in the attic. This is the story of how highly intelligent and resourceful Kevin works, eats, plays, worships, all while simaltaneously defending his home from Christmas thieves. Macaulay Culkin is absolutely excellent in the role of Kevin, and this indeed helped to propel him to stardom. The film is the work of filmmaker John Hughes who died suddenly in 2002.
Macaulay Culkin has since grown to be thirty. My kids follow his career, He is quite interested and quite gifted in art himself, and attended art school in Rhode Island. He occasionally buys fine art for his own collection. Our older kids, both being professional artists, hope he buys some of their art work someday. Macaulay has also known sorrow in the past few years. His older sister, Dakota Culkin died just two weeks after Daniel's passing in Los Angeles, following an accidental hit by a car while walking. This time of year is likely bittersweet for him as well.
Daniel loved the "Home Alone" movie. The character Kevin not only resembled our son Matthew at about eight, but Daniel memorized long stretches of the dialogue from the film. When Daniel was only about four, he deemed the entire film where an eight year old defends his home against serial robbers as "entirely plausible". Daniel himself would have been a fine filmmaker. He had an eye for detail, irony, pathos, etc. He watched this film many times, and probably related to how busy a large family can be sometimes, and how easily siblings can hurt each other ibn the course of sibling rivalry, as they grow. If you have a chance to catch it this season, please do.
On this day, the third actual anniversary of Daniel's departure from Earth, we wish all of you well. We also hope that Macaulay and his family have found some peace too, following the passing of Dakota. Everyone, please make this holiday season memorable for all the right reasons, not for the material ones.

This is one of the original trailers to the film. Interestingly, changes were made between the time this trailer was made and the final cut of the film. You will however, get the idea.

Blackest Friday Yet

2011-11-26T18:24:00.006-05:00

Daniel, Since your passing on the day after Thanksgiving, now three years ago, a lot has happened. American jobs continued to be sent overseas. Plants here closed. New jobs became a thing of the past, even for new college graduates. The educational system in the US continues to slip and slide. Many graduates of high school are not what I would consider truly functionally literate, and they admit to not being able to do relatively simple mathematic functions. This certainly makes graduates of our homeschool look very good when they go to college and excel. Typical American srudents are often ill prepared for job training, even if there were jobs and training available. The community colleges are full, and there are waiting lists at many of the vocational schools and technical colleges. Some schools are trying to anticipate need by training substandard medical or dental assistants or certified nursing assistants. Unfortunately, none of these people are going to be qualified to make judgments. Some university programs are valuable, but many are overpriced monuments to a time which no longer exists, and makes the mistake of programming students with liberal ideas, which frankly haven't worked here.
This week, during "Black Friday" early shopping, a woman used pepper spray to keep other shoppers away from things she wanted. Two men were shot in parking lots over disputes for X-Boxes. People are behaving like animals and sheep. They are doing what the tv box tells them, and heading out to "shop til they drop", even in an economy where they cannot afford it, and may actually lose their jobs when Christmas is over, as I think many people will.
We still prepare for Christmas well in advance, and don't attend the sales. It is a solemn day of remembering the birth of Christ, and how grateful I am to God for you, for Dad, for your Dad and for your siblings.
In the coming year I think that it is at least possible that there will be numerous governmental collapses. Europe is in deep trouble as it tries to bail out Greece, then Italy and Portugal. Belgium is not doing much better. Germany and France carry a boat load of debt also. England is not doing well and smart citizens anticipate food shortages. America cannot be far behind.
Most Americans are not using this prep time for potential collapse wisely. There is still a rush to grab STUFF, in lieu of wisdom, support, charity or kindness to one another. Today, the ads say......."Come shopping at Black Saturday !"
We miss you both immensely and remain the people you know and love. Yes, we still love you both wider than the oceans and deeper than the seas.

Fuzzy Anniversaries

2011-11-25T14:03:00.006-05:00

Daniel, today is the day after Thanksgiving, when you passed to Heaven, three years ago. It is not the actual date of your passing because Thanksgiving comes on a different date each year, and so the actual date is next week, but it is an anniversary of sorts anyway. It is about a month after my Dad's passing, and the actual date of my Mother's passing, the year before your own. It's a momentously confusing day no matter how you slice it. This morning when the oral surgeon had a last minute cancellation, I chose to have my oral surgery today, so I am typing now, while as high as a kite, and with about as much clarity and insight as one.I survive by clinging to the promise that I will see you again, and that we can share all the thoughts and feelings we have had while we were apart (those that you don't already know). I am trying to spend these days as well as I can spending the remaining days of my life honoring you, my Dad, my Mom, and all our ancestors, who have been prominent in my thoughts lately. My bug, I hope you hear me when I speak with you, and that I hear you when you direct me. I know you were always closer to hearing God than I ever have been. I remember you clearly, fondly and with a deep love. Please send our love to everyone with you. Love, Mom

Happy Thanksgiving, 2011

2011-11-24T08:55:00.009-05:00

This used to be one of Daniel's favorite holidays. He used to like playing computer games with his brothers while we cooked Thanksgiving dinner. Then later that day, he enjoyed lots of turkey, carrots, cauliflower, brussel sprouts,broccoli, mashed potatoes, homemade rolls etc. He liked baked sweet potatoes, not the candied variety and he also liked cranberry sauce. He liked cheese sauce on both his broccoli and his mashed potatoes. He also liked "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" on his roll, rather than butter. He would say that he liked it because of the taste, and not because Fabio endorsed it. The mere mention of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" would prompt him to do an entire scene as done by the Alice character on BBC's "The Vicar of Dibley". Later in the day, he would share saved treats for each of the animals, all the way from the alpacas to the dogs, and then to the chickens and ducks because it was not fair for us to have a holiday and not to share it with them. When Thanksgiving was cleared away, he would help me decorate for Christmas. Of all our kids, he was the one who appreciated the holidays and time spent together, the most. Our Thankgivings tended to be just our family, my husband and I and the kids. From the time that our daughter developed juvenile diabetes, and we took sugar out of most things, people gradually decided that they would rather do their own. Christmas was more the time on which we got together. For dessert on Thanksgiving, we would make a "No Sugar Added" apple pie, and Daniel's favorite dessert.

Version 2 of Daniel's Favorite Dessert (Rich enough to eat once a year !
Ingredients or maybe even twice)

Crust Ingredients:
1 cup white flour
1 cup finely chopped walnuts {or pecans}
1/2 stick of butter
1st Layer Ingredients:
8 ounce package of cream cheese
1 cup of Cool Whip {buy the large size because you will use more for the top layer}
2nd Layer Ingredients:
1 package of instant chocolate pudding {3 ounces}
1 package of instant vanilla pudding {3 ounces}
4 cups of Milk
Large Cadbury's Dairy Milk Bar for topping

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 325, use a Pyrex dish.

For the Crust:

Finely chop the walnuts and put them in a mixing bowl.
On a cutting board cut up the butter into super small pieces. Pour the flour over the top of the butter.
Now continue chopping the butter into the flour.
Add the flower and butter to the chopped walnuts and stir together.
Put the mixture in the bottom of your cake pan. Use size 10×13 pan. Use the palm of your hand to firmly pack the mixture into a thin crust on the bottom of the pan.
Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Bake at 325 if you are using a glass pan.

For the Cream Cheese Layer:

Combine the cream cheese, and cool whip. Mix until creamy and fluffy {about 1-2 minutes}.
Spread the cream cheese layer over the COOLED crust.

For the Chocolate Pudding Layer:

Combine the instant chocolate pudding and the vanilla pudding. Follow the directions on the box for the puddings.
Spread the pudding mixture evenly over the cream cheese layer.
Now spread the remaining Cool Whip over the top. Be sure the Cool Whip is melted enough to spread easily.
Use a potato peeler to shave the chocolate bar in to pretty pieces, and spread evenly over the Cool Whip layer. Enjoy!

This can be made for diabetics using the sugar free cool whip, sugar free puddings, very few Cadbury's shavings on top, and in lieu of the crust, placing some walnuts at the bottom of the dessert, and skipping the baking part entirely. I actually prefer the sugar free one.

The male singer featured in this Katharine McPhee video is Zachary Levi who plays "Chuck" in the TV series of the same name. Daniel enjoyed this show very much. Tonight we honor one of Daniel's favorites in a new endeavor.

Dawn Steele is Due Anytime !

2011-11-23T06:24:00.015-05:00

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UPDATE: Information on Dawn, the birth, and her recovery from complications, and her new daughter, are found on our post dated January 08, 2012 !
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Dawn, in South Africa

Those of you who read this blog regularly know that one of Daniel's favorite actresses and one of Daniel's favorite television programs was "Monarch of the Glen". Following MOTG, Scottish actress and Daniel's fave, Dawn Steele has gone on to do a number of plays and series television. Her latest series in called "Wild at Heart" and is filmed in Gauteng Province in South Africa. In the program, she plays a bush veterinarian, named Alice Collins.

Dawn's personal life is very busy. She lives in London while commuting to South Africa periodically for this role. She is excitedly expecting her first child, any time now, with the Scottish actor Paul Blair. They have been together almost five years, and are engaged. Both are keeping mum about any wedding plans.

Dawn, if Daniel were still on Earth, he would wish you much luck at this time, and tell you that you would be a fun and loving mum. Love and best wishes. Everyone else, say some happy prayers for Dawn and for Paul,and their baby, and try to catch some of her films and series television. For a young woman in her thirties, she has quite a body of good acting works.

UPDATE: Information on Dawn, the birth, and her recovery from complications, and her new daughter, are found on our post dated January 08, 2012 !

The Sparkler-Like Meteor

2011-11-21T06:21:00.007-05:00

From MeteorToday.com Not our meteor, but it captures the trajectory, at least.

This is a tough time of year for us. This is the week in which three years ago, Daniel passed. No matter how faithful we are to God, and no matter how philosophical one becomes, we are still preparing for a holiday which he and Dad will miss in the flesh. We are still reliving some of those difficult moments from three years ago. We are still dreaming about some of those sadder moments, and of our sorrow. This weeks sorrow was furthur compounded by two more earthquakes, of 2.3 and 2.4, which continue to be unsettling. In addition, I had a a filling in a tooth replaced a week ago, and now have continued pain so severe, I can't think straight ! In all, it's been a crummy week. The best way to weather these weeks we have found is to be busy doing things you enjoy doing. This week, Adam and I were on our way home from an errand visiting a friend in a nursing home. We stopped at another friend's shop afterward and stayed too long. By the time we finally reached the long road which leads home, it was already pretty dark. We try to come home before dark when possible, because the abundant deer will actually jump into cars damaging them, and causing serious accidents at this time of year. And so, we were watching carefully as I drove home. Then, we saw it, a moderately sized sparkler like meteor, traveling over our heads. Thank Heaven for that cars moon roof ! It sparkled over head, seeming to match our trajectory for a moment, passing us, and headed toward its final resting place, which appeared to be in the woods up ahead. It always looks to me as if the sparkler portion will start a fire, but they don't seem to. In reality, one can never really tell where they land from the land below, and certainly not from a moving car. We have seen one or two like this in November's past. Daniel and Dad, I hope you see these miracles, and that you know how much we love you both, this time of year, and all year round.

Thoughts in Autumn

2011-11-17T07:05:00.007-05:00

This is not an easy time of year. Today we sit eleven days from the day that your body had to leave us, three years ago. That was a nicer autumn than this one. This autumn has been far wetter, and has even had thunderstorms, and the leaves are gone from the trees. In 2008, when you had to go, the Autumn was vibrant, somehow back- lit and brighter. The leaves remained on the trees in beautiful autumn colors, making the Shenandoah Valley look muted that year, in comparison.
This week I got around to completely cleaning out the vitamin cabinet. I tossed expired fish oil capsules, B-12 from 2010, Claritin from 2009. I found two small prescription bottles which had fallen behind the little wire shelves I have in there. They were prescriptions for you for fluoride tablets, which had been written by your pediatrician. From the look of them, you took about half and then misplaced them, and didn't take anymore afterward. I felt an exaggerated feeling of sadness, as I thought, "I not only couldn't keep my precious boy here, but I couldn't even see to it that he finished his fluoride pills, when he was here !" Maternal guilt is like that sometimes. I had finished cleaning and organizing the rest of the cabinet before I realized that you had only ever had one cavity in your short life, and that it left your mouth as a primary tooth, right on schedule. Sometimes this little traps come up in the course of my day. Most of the time, however, I am happy to see remembrances of you, or things you left here.
There is a very nice new Asian restaurant which has opened about 30 minutes from here. We were there yesterday, and I very much thought of you as we ate their cucumber salad, and then white meat General Tso's chicken. I think it would very much meet with your approval Daniel. If you and Dad want to come for a visit, you would both be most welcome. We are having the Thanksgiving at home that you always loved.

Daniel, the video below shows a deputy removing a deer from the road after she is frozen with fear following a minor collision with a car. I thought it might remind you of all the deer we have running around the farm especially at this time of year.

Another Black Friday Approaches

2011-11-10T19:16:00.008-05:00

Three years ago, it was the day after Thanksgiving that Daniel left Earth. This day is known by most Americans as "Black Friday". Interestingly, many stores operate at a loss, or "in the red" all year, until the day after Thanksgiving, when the Christmas shopping season begins. Traditionally, sales are so brisk between the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas, that the books quickly move from red ink, to black ink from an accounting standpoint, hence the "Black Friday". Of course for me, it's Black Friday because it's the day Daniel had to leave us, and the beginning of a darker, sadder and more serious chapter of our lives, until we are reunited after our own passings.
Consequently, I really do dislike "Black Friday". Families rush about spending money, and they don't really understand that no gift, no holiday is anything approaching spending time with and holding your child, no matter what his age. I don't shop on Black Friday. I clean, take care of animals, think of Daniel and my Dad, and try to spend time with my remaining kids who also find it to be a difficult day. God doesn't need you to spend money in worship of the adjusted day of the birth of our Savior. What matters is what you do, and how you treat Him and others during the entire year.

A Rare Black Fox

2011-11-05T18:49:00.006-04:00

This is the only photographic example of a black fox I could find. The one we saw was larger and more muscular, a young adult I would suppose.

About a week ago, one afternoon, James and I were coming home from a dentist's appointment in the city. It's a long trip and we were about three miles from the farm, when a black fox jumped across the road. It was very clearly a completely black fox, and I had never seen one before. I imagined it to be a spontaneous mutation of some kind. In this area we have numerous gray foxes and numerous red ones also. The local populations were boosted some years ago when someone in the next county bred both varieties for fox hunting which used to be quite fashionable locally. The foxes here are never killed, and do seem to enjoy the hunt until the little hounds corner them, and then they are caged to go home for the next time. Twelve or thirteen years ago, there was a flood in the next county which liberated the entire groups of the gray and silver foxes which were being bred for hunting. For the longest time, foxes were everywhere. They were a rather nervy bunch and very tame, in part because they were raised by human beings, and because their numbers were so large, they felt pretty comfortable. This is however, the first time I have ever seen a black one. This is a beautiful animal and moved in a stealthy sleek fashion. He is a young adult and strong and healthy looking. I was glad to see him three miles from the farm, so that he stays away from the chickens and ducks.
This afternoon, our son Adam came in armed. He had just noticed a large healthy looking entirely black fox here in the late afternoon. I should have known that he would decide to come here. Sometimes I think we have a sign out......."Lost animals in need of a meal come here". Over the years mountain lions,a mule, numerous hunting dogs, a bevy of bobcats, numerous hummingbirds, egrets, varietal foxes, numerous deer, including a snow white one, and now a rare black fox have come here. No wonder the dogs have been noisy, and the cat is jumpy. We do have to be very watchful here. Rabies is very common among wild animals here, and can often afflict foxes. We are sure to keep all of our mammals immunized against tabies, and to be alert to wild animals which are behaving atypically.

UPDATE: In the six weeks since we saw the black fox here at the farm, none of our chickens or ducks have been disturbed. If he is here then there must be sufficient small game for him to hunt in the forested areas here so that trying to obtain the domestically housed animals has been unnecessary for him. Either that, or he has simply moved on.

Goodnight Little Henry

2011-11-01T07:34:00.007-04:00

Henry and siblings when just a couple of weeks old. Henry is one of the smallest birds in the nesting box.

Those of you who are ardent followers of this blog may remember that two days before Daniel's sudden Autumn passing,now three years ago, that Daniel purchased a beautiful young rooster to watch our chickens. Daniel named him "Ross the Rooster" because Ross is a Rhode Island Red. Ross is still very much with us, and has sired about a hundred chickens and young roosters. One of those young roosters hatched about a year and a half ago was "Little Henry". "Little Henry" was the same size as his siblings as a hatchling, but very quickly, they surpassed him in size and in speed and agility. It wasn't long until we had to place Little Henry in a cage beside them,so that he would not have to compete with them for food, wouldn't get stepped on, could get water, and wouldn't be picked on by his more aggressive larger teen brothers. I did some research as to why Little Henry appeared not to be growing, and why he appeared to have a much paler comb than his counterparts and I came to the conclusion from references,and from the vet's suggestions, that he likely had a heart defect which would limit his abilities as a rooster and likely shorten his life. Most good farmers would have ended his life, but I never said I was a good farmer, and as long as an animal appears to be enjoying his time on Earth, in the warm sun, enjoying pecking the insects in the grass, and getting those tick eggs out of here on occasion, I tend to allow animals to eat and live, until they are called home. Little Henry has been doing rather well. He has been enjoying his life, periodically ambulating alone around the outside of the cages, basking in sunlight, and even seems to be gradually putting on some weight. Our plan for the winter was to shelter him more than his brothers, so that he would not be subject to as broad temperature excursions as his brothers would likely easily tolerate. With a heart defect, he would be more prone to pneumonia.
Last night, my husband brought little Henry into the barn, where it is warmer over night especially since we have had two hard frosts overnight the last two nights. He ate his grains and comfortably closed his eyes, as if to go to sleep. This morning, when my husband checked on him to consider putting him out again, in his neighboring cage, Little Henry had passed. Little Henry will not be enduring the long winter. He will not be here to bask in the sunlight of Spring next year. He will however, join a sister and a brother who passed before him, and a few hatchlings who did not make it into this world, and the sweet little rooster who never got beyond half normal size will bring joy to Daniel, who will be pleased to see the legacy of his rooster.
I am pleased that if Little Henry had to pass, that he did so, quietly and comfortably in his sleep. Goodnight Little Henry. I really enjoyed our time with you. Thanks for coming. Tell Daniel and Dad hello and that we love them too.

A Story of Survival

2011-10-26T21:14:00.017-04:00

I have spent a lot of time on this blog talking about the many times someone young has died of cardiac arrest following an undiagnosed issue. From reading my entries on this blog, one might wonder if physicians EVER diagnose cardiac issues which could cause arrhythmia, in advance of a sudden death. Of course, they do.
Jody McBrayer is a really accomplished singer who was a member of the Christian Contemporary Musical Group, "Avalon". He is known for his distinctive and excellent praiseful voice. He has also worked with some other singers. After performing and enjoying great public and critical acclaim with the group Avalon, Jody was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy,(which can be genetic, but can also occur following an infection which could be viral) and it became necessary for him to leave "Avalon" and their fairly rigorous touring schedule. This was unfortunate for all of us, and certainly, it must have been a big shock, and quite an adjustment for Jody and for his family as well. I can't tell you what symptoms led Jody to his doctor and to the diagnosis of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, but I can tell you what the symptoms might be for many who have been diagnosed with it. NEW shortness of breath in a person who did not experience this before, especially during exercise or exertion is an important symptom. Chest pain during exertion may also be a sign. Fainting during exercise or exertion may also be a sign of Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. New fatigue, or being dizzy can also be a sign of this. Lastly, heart palpitations or the sensation of one's heart beating, sometimes rapidly, can also be a sign. Certainly, many of these signs can be simple anemia, or new onset asthma, or other maladies, so it's essential that if you experience them, especially following a cold or flu, that you see your doctor for proper diagnosis and proper treatment. There ARE proper and relatively effective management strategies. There is also a wide range of how debilitating this condition can be for those who suffer from it. I can honestly say that Daniel did not report these symptoms, although in retrospect, I remember his being a little tired after playing soccer on Thanksgiving, just about sixteen hours before our son's sudden unexpected death. Daniel did not have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy on autopsy or when his cardiac cells were examined for genetic indications of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy indicators.
Although not a lot is written about Jody, he remains alive, is married to Stephanie Harrison and he has a daughter named Sarah Clayton McBrayer who was born in 2005. If you get a chance, try to listen to his solo CD, "This is Who I Am". It is possible to buy this album on Amazon, Ebay, Half.com and other sources. Jody is still a solo artist and does occasionally do concerts. I am glad his issue was diagnosed and that he is able to remain with us, and his family, here on Earth. I look forward to his stabilizing sufficiently to perhaps release more of his own music. Jody is a graduate of Liberty University here in Virginia, and makes his home with his wife and family, in a small town which shall remain nameless, within 20-30 miles of Nashville, Tennessee. Hope you're feeling fine and doing well Jody and Family. You are certainly missed by many people who follow the Contemporary Christian Music Scene. Your music makes a difference to many people.....every day.

Daniel heard this music often in our home.

Jody with his wife Sarah, taken recently

Of Boys and Butterboats

2011-10-22T04:02:00.010-04:00

I am sitting up at 0300 our time, awakened by a slightly disturbing dream. In my dream, Daniel and I are together, he has not passed, and I am telling him off for damaging a tape of the group "Bread". This is an odd dream because this particular interaction never happened. When I awoke, I noticed I had some pretty bad heartburn, which likely fuelled the dream. I can only remember one such interaction such as this. Once, when Daniel was about 11, and it was his turn to load the dishwasher, I had a porcelain European butterboat. It is a porcelain device which allows butter to remain in a cool kitchen out of refrigeration for a time, allowing the butter to get soft enough to be spread thinly. These are often used in England, and I was very happy to have found one here. Daniel had hurriedly placed dishes and pots and pans on top of my new butterboat in the sink, when it was his turn to do that chore, and the porcelain knob off the top had badly broken. I remember giving him a hard time about this and insisting he pay for another one. Ours was a plain white French porcelain, and although these are fairly common in England, they are quite rare here. Unfortunately, no other one was found, and so he never had opportunity. It is one of only two times I remember overreacting with Daniel. I still have the butterboat. It waits for Adam to find the right grinding set to grind the sharp knob portion down, so that the butterboat could once again be used. I don't know how I feel about that now. How could it be that my precious boy who broke the butterboat in his haste to get on to doing something else in his short life, could be gone from Earth now, and the butterboat is still here ? There are so many such contradictions. There are toys, soft toys, tapes, electronic toys, and even the battery to his phone which go on occupying space on Earth and are working now almost three years beyond his instant departure from Earth. I will admit that I still find this inexplicable sometimes.
Daniel, I hope you know that no butterboat, no object here on Earth was ever more important than you, or your feelings. I was disappointed about the butterboat, but I had been trying to teach you accountability for the property of others. I am sorry about taking the time to be upset with you about this. I am left with a few memories of which in retrospect, I wish I had done differently. (Of course at this juncture, I wish I had spoiled you too.) I love you, bug, and I will welcome you in my dreams whenever you can get there.

This is the tape that Daniel had accidentally damaged in my dream this evening. I honestly don't think I have a copy of it anymore.

Earthquakes Versus Aftershocks

2011-10-21T05:36:00.007-04:00

Not being a geologist or seismologist, I am at a distinct disadvantage in describing some of the phenomena with which we now live in Central Virginia. Since the 5.8 earthquake here (5.9 if you consider the work of foreign sources and a local university) occured in August, there have been many aftershocks. An aftershock is a "smaller earthquake" occuring in response and following a larger magnitude occurance. They may occur for weeks or even months following a larger quake. We have now had 42 aftershocks since the August quake. These range from about 1.6 to 3.5 or so. These aftershocks can also do damage. Some of the homes which were unscathed by the initial quake have been damaged by subsequent aftershocks. North of here, a road which seemed fine following the initial quake, collapsed following a 2.2 aftershock. The low magnitude or low Richter scale assignment of these aftershocks can be misleading. Since the type of shaking and the way an aftershock or quake is experienced by your building varies, depending upon the depth of that particular quake or aftershock in relation to your building,some strange things can occur.Some people had broken concrete pads in garages following a 1.8 aftershock which was fairly superficial, whereas a 3.2 deeper in the ground, caused nothing for them earlier, even when it came from the same general area. Yes, aftershocks are earthquakes too.
In addition, this area has felt what we believe to be 80 plus aftershocks, about half of which are never reported, or never detected on the US Geological Survey site. (www.usgs.gov) This may be why additional devices are being deployed here.
The concerning thing is that with this many aftershocks we could debate that these may no longer be true aftershocks, but pre-shocks for an event which could be worse than a 5.8 locally, and be a major earthquake for the Eastern Seaboard.
The funny thing is that the aftershocks keep on coming, the animals are still frightened, and most of the time, there is no local news coverage of this. Virginia's nuclear generators are still not up again in the area of the quake. Maybe that's a good thing for awhile.
All I can do is make sure we have disaster supplies, make sure caches of supplies are in several areas of the house. Heavy objects such as mirrors, refrigerators, stoves, pictures, have been well anchored to walls and more importantly to the studs behind those walls. We have locked up fragile glassware, and put some barriers in the pantry so shaken objects wont be thrown across the room again. We try to comfort the animals and give them extra attention when we can. Then, we wait, for all of this to pass.

Happy Birthday JT !

2011-10-18T16:21:00.007-04:00

JT is the eldest son of a friend of mine. JT passed overnight one night in 2007, at home, from what had appeared to be an ordinary case of the flu. This energetic soul of a boy was seven and a half at the time of his passing. He had many friends in church, in his homeschoolers group, and at karate, that even years later, he is sorely missed. He left Earth the year before Daniel, and I like to believe that he and Daniel are friends and that they share cosmic jokes from time to time.
Today, on JT's birthday, let's remember how lucky we are to have our children, whether it's 7 years, 12 years, 38 years or 60 years with them. The world we see is temporary and eventually falls away. Lets be sure to think about, and have some of our soul dwell in the next place also. Happy Birthday JT. You are never forgotten.

This is a link to JT's karate fund.

http://www.jtsfund.com/wordpress/

If JT were still with us, he could help us all make sense of pre-teen angst, as is the subject of this song by someone who looks to be about the age JT would now be.

Tornadoes In Virginia

2011-10-15T15:22:00.009-04:00

Photo courtesy of "The Hook" Charlottesville, Virginia (Photo not attributed furthur)

Daniel and our family prepared for, and successfully avoided damage here on the farm, from many tornadoes over his short lifetime. I remember being here on this farm, while it was being built. We were waiting for a particular contractor to come and work on something that day, and we were working on the computer in the rv we had stationed at the animal barn here. We spent a lot of hours watching tv or doing homework while waiting for a particular contractor to build out home. One afternoon, when our two older ones were out, and my husband was at work, Matthew and Daniel and I were here, and we were finished taking care of animals. It was very blustery, and the clouds rolled and made shapes like smoke. It happened so quickly that it looked like a tornado formed before our eyes. We knew we would not be safe in the rv, and so we headed for the house, despite the fact that it was under construction. We wound up hiding at the lowest point in the basement holding a huge unwound roll of silver bubble-wrapped insulation for heating systems over us, until the storm had passed. The animals had simply gone inside the small open barn and were also fine.
Daniel would have appreciated this video. Someone in the next county filmed the tornado which did the damage to the plantation house "Sylvania" which I posted above. The video below was taken on October 13, 2011 in Louisa, Virginia in the Green Springs area. This was an area Daniel knew well.

Tasks in Dreams

2011-10-11T07:30:00.008-04:00

Last night was one of those dreams, or perhaps visits which keep me on Earth and functioning positively. Last night,in the early hours of the morning, I dreamt that I was visiting the small town which was some distance from the rural home I grew up in, the the Northeast. It was autumn there, and in our visit, the town probably resembled more the town it was when I was a teen than it looks now. (I know this because two years ago, I took my eldest son Adam back there a couple of years ago on the way back from a long out of state trip.) In this dream, Daniel and I were running an errand. This is interesting because Daniel had never been to that area oreven to that state. In the dream, we were there to encourage a woman who had a small infant who was vomiting repeatedly. Afterward, with our work done, he and I looked around the rainy streets, and tried to decide where to go for lunch.I wanted to go to a do-nut shop for soup, but he clearly stated a preference for Wendy's, and in this dream, there was one there, and so there we headed. Afterward, we were going back to my parent's home they had for most of my life.
What stood out was that people there were cold, poor, and in need of encouragement. I, on the other hand, was joyful because I somehow had Daniel with me, and there was somehow the promise of seeing him again and regularly, even though we are separated by his passing and knew it. In the dream, although I did not see both of my parents, I knew I could, and that later that day I would. It was as if we all agreed to meet to do a good deed somewhere, and to touch base with one another. Daniel is as beautiful and as kind as he ever was. The message was, no matter what I am with you, and our family is always connected. You, who always had such faith in God, will always feel Him near, and will always have us as well.

Daniel loved this song.... He had the original as done by Hugh Laurie in the BBC television series "Fry and Laurie". The original version I think is funnier, and this one has lines changed, but I saw this version on "You Tube" this morning, and it's still funny.

Some Clues to Detecting Potential for Sudden Death in Youth

2011-10-10T10:34:00.007-04:00

Clinton High School Girls’ Tennis Coach, Derek Moisan, is seen with one of the school’s cardiac defibrillators. (MATT WRIGHT)
The sudden death of a seemingly healthy 12-year-old boy at a Holden soccer camp this past summer shocked camp workers and traumatized fellow campers.

The article below is reprinted from:

Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Screening for danger
ON THE TRAIL OF HIDDEN CARDIAC ILLS
By Karen Nugent TELEGRAM & GAZETTE STAFF Worcester, Massachusetts, USA

The youth, Joshua D. Thibodeau of Holden, had no obvious pre-existing health condition and his family had completed a medical waiver and everything else required to clear their son for participation in the private program. Tragically, he collapsed and died July 18 during a low-impact drill with 15 other campers.

Joshua’s cause of death, according to the state medical examiner’s office in Boston, was cardiac dysrhythmia complicating hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, an inherited condition that affects approximately 1 in 500 people. Every year, there are similar horrific stories of young people suddenly collapsing and dying during sporting events.

According to the American Heart Association, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, or HCM, is the most common cause of death in athletes younger than 35, responsible for about one-third of deaths. The heart muscle fibers of those afflicted multiply rapidly, especially during adolescence, leading to an enlarged heart that could be double or triple the normal size.

Cardiac dysrhythmia is a term encompassing various types of irregular heartbeats — from annoying to life threatening. If such a beat happens while a person with HCM is exercising, the electrical system in the heart suddenly fails and a heart attack occurs. Usually those with HCM have no idea they have the condition until disaster strikes.

Can the condition be discovered beforehand via an electrocardiogram as part of a routine physical?

Some say yes, some disagree.

The American Heart Association’s current 12-item guidelines for athletes include a physical exam checking for heart murmurs, taking pulse rates, and blood pressure; and obtaining a clinical history on symptoms of heart disease such as chest pain, fatigue associated with exercise, lightheadedness, and high blood pressure. A family history checking for heart disease and premature deaths from heart problems is also required.

Although recommended by many doctors, the association does not require EKG screening because it is considered impractical, would be costly, and could lead to false positives that might disqualify children from joining sports programs, according to a 2007 updated article in the Journal of the American Heart Association on pre-participation screening for cardiovascular abnormalities in competitive athletes.

A statement last week from the American Heart Association says: “We have a carefully designed tool for recognizing at-risk athletes … if any of the 12 screening elements has a ‘yes’ answer, the participant would be referred for further cardiovascular examination, which may include an EKG. There’s no evidence that adding an EKG to the first line of athletic pre-participation screening would decrease death rates from SCD (sudden cardiac deaths) in young athletes. To determine whether adding an EKG to athletic pre-participation is reasonable, we need more data. A national registry for these events would go a long way to help us understand the true magnitude of the problem, and whether we need a different approach to prevention.”

The European Society of Cardiology, however, and the International Olympic Committee, several years ago changed their recommendations to include EKGs.

But a recent study at Stanford University study reported in the Journal of Pediatrics found EKG screening of young athletes to be ineffective.

The researchers selected 18 EKGs, including eight from patients with normal hearts and 10 from patients with any of six common heart abnormalities related to sudden cardiac death, including HCM. They were shown to 53 experienced pediatric cardiologists to see if they would make the correct diagnoses, and properly restrict or allow sports activities.

The cardiologists correctly identified 68 percent of the abnormal cases, but 32 percent of teenagers with abnormal EKGs were not detected. And of the cases identified as abnormal, 30 percent were normal. Also, 19 percent of patients who should have had exercise restrictions were not identified; and 26 percent who should have been allowed to exercise were restricted.

Dr. Darshak M. Sanghavi, chief of pediatric cardiology at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in Worcester, questions the Stanford study because of the small number of patients, and a lack of information in the published article. The EKGs themselves were not available for readers to look at, he pointed out.

“I was perplexed. And I am not exactly sure what happened there — maybe they were poorly trained cardiologists — because the preponderance of data shows that EKG screening does make a difference,” he said.

Dr. Sanghavi, while not speaking about Joshua Thibodeau’s case specifically, said an EKG should reveal hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, along with several other heart abnormalities. Using EKGs as a screening tool for young athletes, he said, “is a reasonable thing to do.”

“The way we do it now misses those problems,” he said.

“It’s a complicated issue because of costs and other things. And you don’t want to make it so people have to jump through hoops to participate. You don’t want to prevent them from joining,” he said. “But we just can’t sit back.”

Dr. Sanghavi said having access to automatic electronic defibrillators, to shock a heart back to its normal rhythm, would save lives. They cost approximately $1,000 and are relatively easy to use. At the least, he said, they should be available at high school sporting events.

Clinton High School Principal James S. Hastings said while cost resulted in canceling the former policy of having an EMT and ambulance at games, there are defibrillators available.

Joshua’s death, he said, “forced us to do some self-analysis.”

Dr. David A. Kane, an assistant professor of pediatrics at UMass Medical School, and a specialist in pediatric cardiology, acknowledged controversy about whether to include EKGs in pre-athletic physicals.

“These sudden deaths are tragic events that shake the core of a community, and you always want to find out why they happened,” he said.

Dr. Kane said while EKGs can find many forms of pediatric heart disease, they are not foolproof.

“It’s not a perfect test,” he said.

A thorough clinical and family history — with a parent present — during the physical exam is crucial, he said.

“This small (Stanford) study demonstrated that even the most well trained physicians can have a difficult time interpreting a pediatric EKG. This has been one of the concerns that the American Heart Association has raised in its decision to not recommend routine EKG screening in young athletes in the U.S.,” Dr. Kane said.

Dr. Sanghavi expressed frustration about the way medical examiners report causes of death of young people who die suddenly. He said they lack molecular information, such as DNA testing that could determine if inherited conditions such as hypertrophic myopathy are present in family genes.

“There could be siblings. Wouldn’t you want to know if your child had that gene?” he said.

(End of newspaper article) ________________________

NOTE: It is to be remembered that Daniel had no such cardiac enlargement or any detectable abnormalities following sudden death. Still, cardiac sudden death is likely to be multi-causational and if we can detect some of the cases, we can help to decrease the number of pre-teens and teens to whom this occurs.

How Many Student Athlete Deaths are Actually "Expected" ?

2011-10-05T08:09:00.007-04:00

This is Wes Leonard, who died after throwing the winning basket.

Researchers estimate about 90 young, competitive athletes in the U.S. die each year from SCD

by Elizabeth Kopple on April 28, 2011 at 11:43am in Prevent Sudden Cardiac Death in Young Athletes Compumed

http://www.wsoctv.com/health/27241168/detail.html
Teen Heart Screening
Sudden Cardiac Death in Athletes

Sudden cardiac death (SCD) is a sudden (within 12 hours of the onset of symptoms), unexpected death caused by some type of cardiovascular condition. Researchers estimate about 90 young, competitive athletes in the U.S. die each year from SCD. Between 1994 and 2006, death rates from SCD rose about 6 percent/year. In fact, athletes are 2.5 times more likely to die of SCD than their non-athletic peers. The higher the degree of intensity and competition, the higher the risk. Sports with the highest rates of SCD are football (about 30 percent of cases) and basketball (22 percent of cases).

The most common cause of SCD in competitive athletes is hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. In this condition, the left ventricle (the main pumping chamber) of the heart is thickened, making it more difficult for the heart to pump. The heart muscle has to work harder to get blood to the body. When extra demand is placed on the heart (such as during sports practice or competition), the heart may not be able to keep up with the demand for oxygenated blood, leading to dangerous heart rhythms and sudden death.

Structural anomalies of the heart (like abnormalities of the heart valves, aorta or pulmonary arteries) are the second most common cause of SCD in athletes. Some other risk factors include: myocarditis (inflammation of the heart muscle), coronary artery disease and problems with the electrical conduction system in the heart (which triggers abnormal heart rhythms).

Reducing Risk: The Pre-participation Exam

Many schools require athletes to have a pre-participation physical before the start of the sports season. Ideally, the exam will determine if the athlete is healthy enough to participate in a sport, or if any restrictions are needed. However, this exam may not provide adequate assurance for preventing sudden death in an athlete. According to the Minneapolis Heart Foundation, there are no universal guidelines for athletic screening in the U.S. A family/personal medical history and physical may detect some, but not all serious heart problems. Athletes with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy often don’t have any symptoms at rest. So the condition may not be diagnosed, unless there is a family history of the problem. Researchers estimate only three percent of athletes who die from SCD show any detectable risk factors during a standard sports physical.

Jonathan Drezner, M.D., Sports Medicine specialist with the University of Washington in Seattle, says athletes with some types of risky heart problems don’t show any symptoms until the heart is stressed during competition and needs to work harder. Thus, some experts are recommending ECG (electrocardiogram) screening for competitive athletes. This test records the electrical activity of the heart and can indicate an underlying heart problem. If a problem is detected, doctors may want to follow up with a more sophisticated diagnostic tool, like an echocardiogram, which can detect structural abnormalities of the heart.

ECG screening for competitive athletes has been required in Italy for more than 30 years. Researchers say, in that country, the risk for SCD in competitive athletes has decreased by 89 percent. Another study found ECG was able to detect heart conditions in twice as many athletes compared to the standard physical exam.

Drezner hopes that an ECG will soon become a standard part of preparticipation exams for young competitive athletes. Since health can change over time, he recommends athletes be screened upon entering high school and then a second time in a year or two. Athletes who participate in college sports should be screened again.

(This completes Ms. Kopple's article)
____________________

NOTE: It is also to be remembered that Daniel's passing from supposed sudden cardiac death has no prior symptoms, and on autopsy, no coronary artery disease, no malformations of any kind, no thickening or enlargements were detected. Sometimes sudden death occurs as a functional rhythm disturbance without any detectable anomalies, prior to sudden death, and even afterward in a post mortem.

Alexandra of Virginia

Another One's Gone

2011-10-02T12:44:00.014-04:00

Angela Gettis was, by all reports, a model student and a cheerleader who was cheering for her school, George Washington Prep High School, in the Los Angeles Unified School District area. Angela was only a sixteen year old high school sophomore, but she was already a member of ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corps) and planned to go to college in order to study forensic science. Yesterday, she was cheering at a game, and the game was just about over, and she and passed out. She was briefly revived, but then proceeded to go into cardiac arrest. CPR was begun by the coaches, the ambulance came, but she was pronounced dead at a local hospital three hours later.
The writers of the articles reporting this say that "This is a terrible loss for the community and for her family", and indeed it is. They have no idea, and of course, I do. My family and I send deepest condolences to the family of Angela Gettis, today,and for all the difficult days to come. I do hope they find their way to this blog, at some point in the future. Of course, an autopsy is planned, but physicians already believe this will be logged as a "sudden cardiac arrhythmic death" just as Daniel's was, almost three years ago now.
The official word is still that Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome is rare, yet all the kids I profile here on this blog, and all the parents I have met who tell a similar story to mine, would seem to indicate that this is simply not so. Why are we in America, not requiring baseline EKGs for all kids age 12 and older, especially before PE class participation or participation in sports ? AEDs are popping up in more places than ever. Was an AED used on Angela ? Why doesn't every pediatrician in the US discuss the potential signs and symptoms, and the potential LACK OF SYMPTOMS, and simple need for screening for all children and teens for SADS ? Godspeed Angela. Please tell Daniel I love and miss him very much.

UPDATE: As of October 8,2011, Angela's cause of death remains inconclusive and is awaiting a toxicology screen. This implies that as in our son Daniel's case, no physical cause for sudden cardiac arrest was seen on autopsy.

Tear Drenched Chalupas

2011-09-26T18:16:00.006-04:00

The XXL chalupa. I eat the smaller regular pictured at the end.

This morning I had some errands to do in the city. I wanted to get them done with plenty of time to finish preparations and nap before the radio show I will do again tonight. Our eldest son, Adam came with me, while J. stayed home this time. We finished all we could do pretty rapidly and stopped for lunch at Taco Bell. Suddenly, the song below played at the restaurant. All at once I was taken by surprize as I remembered as if it were yesterday, riding in the car with Daniel, heading over the mountains, listening to this song. Flashes of Daniel and I riding in the car with the windows open and laughing at the beautiful day and the sky above came back to me. I knew as I listened, at the time Daniel and I spent together was very special, yet I had not remembered that particular day until the song reminded me. All at once big wet tears fell from my eyes at the restaurant in a way they haven't fallen for ages. The unexpected burn and emptiness of Daniel being gone from this time on. and from this space on Earth overtook me. Adam was clearly embarassed and also probably doesn't like these unexpected reminders very much. My chalupa was salty as I continued eating, as much for distraction as anything else. My gosh, how much we have lost, and somehow I still go on. As I listened to the song, I felt broken, and sick. We have to go on, but at that snapshot of a moment, I was not sure how.

Notes from Nova Scotia

2011-09-25T08:33:00.009-04:00

Halifax

My husband stuck on a rock when the tide came in quickly.

Photographs Copyright 2011

I had promised to talk about our holiday to Nova Scotia a little bit when I got a chance. The trip to Nova Scotia was not a simple vacation. It was clearly a multi-purpose trip. We needed to go there first to protect a business interest of ours, and also for a much needed holiday. While we were there we found the most glorious place within walking distance to a lighthouse, with a cemetery overlooking the ocean where we are considering placing a granite stone monument to my father, who loved the sea, and at one point in his retirement actually gave tours through lighthouses. Part of me thinks that Daniel would also like his ashes scattered there, but then, he loved the farm. In dreams, this is not a concern for either of them. It is only a concern for me, which explains why almost three years after their passings, I have still not scattered their ashes.
Nova Scotia is a beautiful place. My paternal grandmother's family lived in Nova Scotia when some of our ancestors went there from Scotland when the British were colonizing. There are abundant waterfalls, oceans and lakes everywhere, and lots of places to visit for those who love the natural world. We did spend some time in Halifax, which is a lovely city, but I did not see much evidence of a night life. So, if you are like me, and love natural beauty, nice restaurants, peace, romance, and nice people, then it is a wonderful place to have a reasonably priced vacation. It is subject to the same difficult immigration laws which cover all of Canada. It is a great place to visit, but a difficult place to emigrate, probably in part because there are not many jobs there. It is however, a beautiful and mystical place.

Brief Visits

2011-09-20T08:32:00.007-04:00

The last days have been busy and rushed. The animals have not been sleeping well due to the six or seven continuing post earthquake aftershocks we have been experiencing, and this means the human beings are not sleeping well either. The day before yesterday, after my husband went to work, I fell back to sleep in the morning. I dreamt that Daniel came to check on me as I was sleeping. He looked very much as I remember him, only taller, and somehow healthier. In the dream, I looked up and said, "You're still HERE ?" He said, "Of course I am. Where else would I be ?" With that, he put a DVD in the machine in the master bedroom, and sat on the end of bed to watch it. I turned over and went back to sleep. When I woke up I felt much happier. You can believe I had a lovely dream. I will believe he made a quick visit home.

Almost Three Years, Daniel

2011-09-17T20:40:00.005-04:00

Daniel,
I can almost make it through most days now. Even standing on the edge of what might be an early autumn, significant because this is when I first lost my Dad, and then before I even knew what was happening, lost you suddenly and unexpectedly as well. As you know, I have not been able to return to teaching college. I honestly don't believe that I could stand up there, and go back to what I did when you were still on the Earth. I don't believe that I could stand up there talking about cardiac conduction disorders and the like, knowing that what I described so well, just two weeks before your passing, in my last class before the break, was what is likely to have called you from us. How good could I be at what I do ? I never suspected that you had any kind of a heart rhythm disturbance. I never saw anything.No one did. Almost three years later, I still find the entire thing hard to believe. I wish you had simply been borrowed for your superior intellect and problem solving creativity by a secret governmental agency, or a superior race, leaving us to believe for just a time, that you have passed. Oh how I wish that your "Celebration of Life" (funeral) had been a sham. Yes, I know. You are laughing at me telling me I still watch too much science fiction, and I do. I do it because you are not here to.
I am trying to live and use my life well as both you and my Dad have told me to do in dreams many times, since your passings. Oh, and this week I saw my mom in dreams too, but you likely already know that. I am trying my hand as a radio program host. Your Dad jokes that it should be easy for me because I talk in my sleep, and it should be effortless for me. Yet it's not. It's the acceptance that you are not coming back while I am on Earth, and the acceptance that I must do something to move ahead and earn money, when of course, some days I would rather evaporate and find you. I will do my best with this new venture. Please don't think that because I have a job now that I don't need to hear from you and Dad just as much as I have been. I still need both of you in my life whatever way you find that you can send messages. The support of both of you is invaluable and is priceless. The song below reduces me to the crying little girl I sometimes am. Love you both......wider than the oceans and deeper than all the seas.

Staggering Cardiac Arrest Numbers

2011-09-10T22:26:00.009-04:00

Matthew and Daniel,with Daniel on the right, opening gifts on Christmas 2007, the last Christmas Daniel was able to spend with us.

We know that having an AED and delivering CPR rapidly following the arrest, are the best chances we have to prevent a sudden death once a child or teen is IN cardiac arrest. However, I have included this article because the numbers of annual spontaneous arrests are staggering, and because some people don't make it, even with immediate CPR, just as Daniel did not.

_______________________

Sudden cardiac death: Lessons from a study halted by the feds in Portland, nine other cities
Published: Thursday, September 01, 2011, 6:00 AM
Updated: Tuesday, September 06, 2011, 2:44 PM
By Joe Rojas-Burke, The Oregonian The Oregonian

Sudden cardiac arrest kills more than 180,000 people each year in the U.S. Despite years of research, refinements in resuscitation and widespread placement of automated defibrillators, 90 percent of those struck by cardiac arrest never regain consciousness. Since 2008, four large-scale clinical trials of potential new treatments for out-of-hospital cardiac arrest have failed to show improvement in survival.

The New England Journal of Medicine has now published details on the latest study, carried out in Portland and nine other cities. Among patients who had an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest, researchers found no difference in the outcomes with an extended round of chest compressions, compared with a brief period, before use of an electric deibrillator by medics. A device meant to boost blood flow during CPR also made no significant difference in survival.

Federal officials ordered an early halt to the study in 2009 because preliminary results showed none of the treatments improved survival. The study, the largest of its type ever attempted, enrolled more than 11,000 people felled by sudden cardiac arrest, and researchers hoped it would define a way to save more patients.

In cardiac arrest, the heart's rhythmic beat lapses into disorganized chaos. Survival hinges on rapid resuscitation and an electrical jolt from a defibrillator to restore a normal heart rhythm. How long to continue CPR chest compressions became a controversial question after studies suggested that continuing chest compressions for three minutes might help to prime the heart for pumping so that a defibrillator shock is more likely to restore a normal heartbeat. For many years, doctors assumed it was best to move quickly to defibrillation after about 30 seconds of chest compressions.

Dr. Mohamud Daya, an emergency medicine specialist at Oregon Health & Science University, in an interview with The Oregonian in 2009, said the clinical trials have a lesson to teach: Don't rely on hitting a technological home run. To boost overall survival, he said, communities must find ways to improve the basic practice of CPR and speed the use of defibrillators that jolt stopped hearts back to life.

"The focus has been on magic bullets, but in reality what matters is good quality CPR and timely defibrillation," Daya said.

Randomized, controlled trials may not be the best strategy for reducing deaths caused by sudden cardiac arrest, asserts Dr. Arthur B. Sanders at the University of Arizona's Sarver Heart Center in Tucson. Writing in the New England Journal of Medicine, Sanders says:

An alternative strategy is to use a continuous-quality-improvement model. An example of this model is the approach that has been taken in Arizona. After a statewide database of out-of-hospital cardiac arrests was developed, systemic changes that deviated from the standard guidelines were implemented, including an unconventional EMS protocol and layperson-administered compression-only CPR. As a result, the rate of survival nearly tripled, and bystander-administered CPR increased. This model has also been used in rural Wisconsin with similar improvements in the rate of survival.

Some researchers say prevention of cardiac arrest should be a top research priority. As long as the medical response remains limited to desperate resuscitation measures, "We're never going to have full success. But if you go after the causes, the triggers, then you can talk about making a major attack on this problem," Dr. Mickey Eisenberg told The Oregonian last year. Eisenberg is a medical professor at the University of Washington and director of emergency medical services for King County, renowned for its cardiac arrest survival rate.

On the prevention front, Portland residents are among the most closely watched populations in the world. Since 2002, researchers have gathered every relevant detail they can find on every case of sudden cardiac death that occurs in Multnomah County. The years of effort are starting to pay off with tantalizing clues in the search for strategies to prevent sudden cardiac arrest.

– Joe Rojas-Burke

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Earthquakes and Aftershocks

2011-09-10T15:35:00.004-04:00

We received a glancing blow from Virginia's 5.8-5.9 earthquake depending upon whom you ask, but we did not receive the brunt of the damage which occured within the county of the epicenter, which is Louisa County, Virginia. Louisa County has thus far received 82.2 million dollars worth of damage to homes, schools, and roads, and this does not include the damage which occurred afterwards in aftershocks of 2.1-4.2 for weeks afterward. The true costs cannot yet be known, although we are all very grateful for no deaths having occured as a result of this seismic activity. Several wells locally have been destroyed. Most people do not have a separate earthquake rider on their insurance because earthquakes are not commonly felt to be a hazard here. There is a house just a few miles from here that was a lovely two story brick home. It now has multiple cracks in the brick all around the house, and the owners have not been permitted to enter in the event that the building itself collapses.
We are lucky that we lost canned and jarred food that smashed when the pantry threw its contents across the room, and lost glassware, and cloisonne. Our well water was muddy for a few days following the quake. However, our inconvenience and losses are nothing compared to many of those nearby. Please pray for those who are being challenged by this earthquake and also for those who continue to try to forge a life following the Great Eastern Earthquake of Japan.Stay safe everyone.

What Would Daniel Look Like at Fifteen ?

2011-09-09T09:17:00.006-04:00

Perhaps Daniel would look something like this.

Some time ago I told you about a remarkable business in the US, where alterations and adjustments in photographs can be made. www.phojoe.com has a host of remarkable services. Adopted children who have no baby pictures, can have baby pictures made, based on pictures of them as older children now. Families whose children have been abducted and lost to them, can have age progressed pictures of their children made for use by the police. I have chosen twice to have an age progressed picture of Daniel made. Daniel was called to leave us at 12 and a half, and would now be 15 years of age. The above photograph is based on a variety of photos we provided to Phojoe of both Daniel and his siblings. This is how they believe Daniel might look if he had remained here on Earth. I get an odd sort of comfort having these pictures.
Phojoe does an excellent job and is kind and respectful to families in bereavement.

Daniel, I miss you so, but I have come to believe that you are safe, and occupied, but that you do know what we are doing and that you look on us with love and compassion. You have been and continue to be one of my life's greatest joys, and I suspect that you always will be.

Reminders of My Father

2011-09-06T07:33:00.010-04:00

These photographs were taken in early September 2011 in Shelburne County, at the southernmost tip of Nova Scotia. Copyright 2011 Krehbiel Ind.

My father was a world explorer and seafarer from the 1940s onward. He tried hard to stay on land and be a "regular husband and father" while I was growing up, but the sea always called him, as it did his Nova Scotian and his Scottish ancestors. Eventually, as I readied for college, he returned to the sea as a head ship's radio-electronics officer, where he enjoyed his work, for the most part, until long past most people's retirement.
I suppose it is natural that following a trip to Nova Scotia, that I would dream of him. Last night I dreamt that my father was fine and was pleased about our trip. Daniel was not with him, but this somehow did not feel strange. This morning as I search for a message in the dream, all I really get is that although he is gone from Earth, his consciousness lives, and knows what we do.

Nova Scotia Memories

2011-09-04T07:32:00.017-04:00

The view from the sea vessel "The Mar" as we enjoyed a jaunt in Halifax Harbour.
We highly recommend a cruise of Halifax Harbour anytime. The crew was professional and the cruise was not only fascinating and restful, but also a fabulous value.
Copyright 2011 Krehbiel Ind.

"The Silva", Halifax Harbour, September 1,2011
Copyright Krehbiel Ind. 2011

My husband photographing the ocean waves after Hurricane Irene
Copyright Krehbiel Ind. 2011

Baccaro Point, Nova Scotia, Canada
Copyright Krehbiel Ind. 2011

Despite the continuing aftershocks, and the Hurricane Irene, my husband and I completed a combination personal business and vacation trip to Nova Scotia. The experience is too much for one blog post, but we highly recommend Nova Scotia for a peaceful vacation, at any time of the year. We had an exceptional time photographing all the boats and ships in Halifax Harbour when we rented a boat with a number of others. We also spent time in Barrington Passage,Shelburne, and Bridgewater.
Our grown children and J. did well back at the farm, even as aftershocks continued, and they weathered Hurricane Irene well. Hurricane Irene was disruptive to our two connecting flights to Nova Scotia, even just in the outer bands, but we did arrive without too much disruption. Nova Scotia is indeed a beautiful and spiritual place. More about the different aspects of our trip, another time.
Mom and Dad finally got away on a trip. Daniel would have loved this place, and somehow, I think he and my Dad have already been here, and are smiling at our finally seeing it.

The crew of "The Mar" played an Adele disc during our cruise.

Earthquakes Continued

2011-08-25T01:36:00.006-04:00

Small aftershocks have continued since the initial quake. The last one occured at about 1:08 am and was a 4.5 according to the US Geological Survey. It woke everyone here up.

The 5.9 Earthquake

2011-08-23T19:00:00.011-04:00

I have long felt that my area was overdue for a significant earthquake. This is what motivated us to put an earthquake rider on our homeowner's insurance and to secure much of the heavier mirrors,furniture and other things, to walls. A few years ago, we had a 4.3 earthquake while I was out changing alpaca waters, and Stephanie brought Daniel out to the front yard, who was barefoot at the time.
No one is injured here thankfully, but we have damage. Our kitchen has pots and pans thrown to the floor. The pantry looks as if it has thrown all of its food to the floor. Jars crashed and exploded, and a jar of ketchup ruptured and is all over the floor. Our bedroom bookcases look as if they have thrown CDs, DVDs, books, and decorative items. Our daughter's room has a lot of damage. Our outbuildings have damage and cracks in their siding, although we do not yet see foundational cracks. We are certainly fortunate that this was not much worse.
Interestingly, today, and when we have had earthquakes before, Stephanie, Adam and I have headaches, nausea, and auditory disturbances when there is an impending earthquake. Today was no different. Perhaps we are sensitive to barometric pressure changes or to the sliding of one tectonic plate against another. Our poor cat is still upset.
I am hearing that schools will be closed in the neighboring five counties for the next few days. Virginia Commonwealth University has closed for the day. The quake was felt as far away as Toronto. The Pentagon and the Capitol in DC have been evacuated. Shelters have been opened nearby for people with signficant home damage. There have been at least two aftershocks.
Our cellular and regular phones have also been out for most of the afternoon. I finally reached all of our kids, and everyone is ok, though shaken. The tv says that there is structural damage in Baltimore, DC, Virginia and other places also.
So far this week, Adam was in one of our outbuildings while it was struck by lightning. Two days later, we have earthquake damage. We are expecting a hurricane, and possibly tornadoes. I think I want a nap.

Update: Thus far, there have been three aftershocks, 2.2, 2.3 and 4.2 and it's only 8:30 pm

Lightning

2011-08-21T16:24:00.006-04:00

It is not unusual for us to have some pretty severe thunderstorms during the hot summer months, particularly at the end of the day. In summer here, it is often oppressively humid and extremely hot. As five or six pm approaches, the temperature drops, The sky clouds, and the winds pick up. Sometimes there are tornadoes, though they are usually isolated. Then a rapidly occuring rainstorm with thunder and lightning occurs. Lightning strikes kill at least a few people each year and sometimes in heavily forested areas like our own, people in cars are killed when lightning and wind drops a heavy tree on a road where someone has been driving in their car.One of our relatives lost a horse due to being struck by lightning during an outdoor party. We try to come indoors as soon as a storm seems imminent, but this can be difficult when the same pattern of extreme heat resolving in an early evening storm goes on, sometimes for a week at a time. About a week ago, a terrible storm decimated one of our beautiful border trees, which looks as if it was afflicted by a spiral of lightning from the damage seen.
This was a good weekend. We went to an end of summer party being given by a dear friend at his farm, in part to promote a new record his label was releasing. His farm was lovely, and the music was very good. The kids not only enjoyed the party but they enjoyed helping with the set up, The food was catered and the entire event was casual. This was the first time in a very long time, that our family went to such a thing. The last outdoor party I recall, Daniel attended. Daniel would have loved this party. J even got some fishing in at the pond on the dock there.
Today (Sunday) was a quiet day afterward. We were catching up on work we didn't complete yesterday, when a storm came upon us quickly. We all headed to the house, but Adam who left for one of the outbuildings to close windows and unplug some electrical equipment there. Shortly after a huge green bolt of lightning hit the metal roofed building he was in. The breakers are blown there, and Adam's hearing is a little off from the severe clap of thunder which accompanied the strike, but he seems ok. He waited there for a little while, as it smelled a little like wood burning, and we have fire extinguishers in all the outbuildings. The electrical systems in all the other outbuildings appear also to have their breakers tripped.
I think it's time to consider lightning rods in addition to the grounding which has been done on each building when it was built. We are lucky that nothing more happened. I will have to check tomorrow to see that the phones still work in those buildings.
UPDATE: Later that evening the lightning returned blowing out a transformer. We were asleep when it happened, but woke when we heard power company repair trucks working nearby in the middle of the night. They were here all might, as the security system beeped, along with the carbon monoxide detector all night.

What Might Have Been

2011-08-16T21:24:00.011-04:00

Most of the time I resist the temptation to wonder what life would be if God had graciously decided that day, almost three years ago now, to let Daniel return to us after CPR, and live a normal life, or perhaps even skipped his cardiac arrest due to unknown cause, entirely.
Sometimes though, I give in, as I did this week. Everyone in our family has been heavily impacted by Daniel's departure. I can't help wondering what life would be without Daniel's passing. What would we be doing ? What would Daniel be doing now had he remained on Earth ? For that matter, what would life be had my father not passed, and remained with us a few more years? Certainly, my father prepared me in little ways, all of my life for the day when he would pass before me. Other than conveying my absolute faith to Daniel, I hope that I somehow helped to prepare him for his passage to God ahead of mine. I still remember, as if it were last evening, what a hug from Daniel is like. When here on Earth he was a tall and muscular boy of 12 1/2. He still had soft skin as he did when he was small. I would like a hug now, and I would never let go. There is just no complete imagining of what his life, at now 15 would be like. Would we have adopted James? Would James and Daniel be comrades or at times, adversaries ? I can only imagine. Sometimes I realize that our grief has not come all that far, and that sometimes we still stand within the light of the shock and disbelief that our twelve year old son could have passed suddenly, and that even after autopsy, no one can truly tell us why, other than an educated guess.

This is a rare song, "I'm Still Not Over You" performed by Richard Carpenter, of "Carpenters" fame.

This is Richard Carpenter and his wife Mary. They have five children, (Kristi Lynn, Traci Tatum, Mindi Karen, Colin Paul, and Taylor Mary) a couple of which perform with their father on occasion.

This is Mindi Karen Carpenter, one of Richard and Mary's daughters. She certainly resembles both of them.

How Stun Guns and Tazers Can Cause Deaths

2011-08-07T08:16:00.002-04:00

stun gun

tazer

In the US, police, security guards, and others carry stun guns and tazers as supposedly non lethal means of controling those who could be dangerous to themselves of others. Most of us in health care know that they are not so innocuous, and that their use can be fatal.
When a shock of any kind is delivered to the person, and the person's heart happens to be at its refractory period, during the EKG "T wave" we call this an "R on T phenomenon". In R on T, the heart is forced to beat during its rest period, and what follows is disorganized non productive beats, called Ventricular Tachycardia. When a person goes into V-Tach. they either receive expert medical help and an AED pretty quickly, or they die. We need to understand that stun guns are not always a safe means of controlling someone.

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Teen struck by Ohio campus officer's stun gun dies
APAP –

CINCINNATI (AP) — Police say an 18-year-old attending summer classes at the University of Cincinnati was struck by a campus officer's stun gun and died of cardiac arrest.

Officers received a 911 call about an assault at Turner Hall early Saturday. The university's assistant police chief, Jeff Corcoran, tells The Cincinnati Enquirer (http://bit.ly/q3FIuz ) that the teenage boy approached officers in the dorm hallway, appearing agitated and angry.

Corcoran says officers ordered the teen to back off, but he refused. He was then hit once by an officer's stun gun.

Afterward, the teen appeared incoherent. He went into cardiac arrest after paramedics arrived and was pronounced dead at University Hospital.

The department has suspended the use of stun guns until his cause of death is determined. Authorities are also investigating the original 911 call.

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Information from: The Cincinnati Enquirer, http://www.enquirer.com

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S & P Downgrades America's Credit Rating

2011-08-06T07:30:00.011-04:00

Yesterday evening, it was announced that Standard and Poors had downgraded the credit rating of the United States from AAA or AA. Now, nations who wish to buy bonds can find bonds with a higher rating by buying them from Britain, France, Germany or from Canada. This is not in fact, in response to the US defaulting in any way with regard to its debt, but rather its continuing to spend with abandon following this weeks raising of the debt limit. Other decreases in the US credit rating are possible and even likely according to some sources, later in the year.
What are the implications of this ? It means, that the US will pay more to borrow money. It means also that the US will charge more to lend to banks. It also means that banks will have to charge more to lend money for homes, cars, college fees, and consumer goods. It means that an already floundering economy will see the losses of more jobs, and the closure of even more businesses, as they will not be able to sell their products to an already squeezed America.
Although our family has always been very careful with credit, we do owe some debt. University fees are expensive, and our children owe fees for their educations and we are continuing to help to pay for Matthew's education. We do have a couple of credit cards, which definitely will go up in terms of interest rates charges. The implications are mostly for our children. How will they ever by homes in a land in which the only real way to get ahead, where rent cannot be raised, is to buy your own home, maintain it, and eventually have the payments stop. This is the beginning of what we had feared.
We did not like President Obama's policies and direction before, but it appears that it is his intent to steer us into the Third World. This could have devastating effects on the Stock Market, and therefore world stock markets, and this could nudge us into, not just an additional recession, but the second Great Depression, S&P has said that additional credit downgrades for the US will likely follow.

Bullion Spot Price Widget

Warm Tears

2011-08-04T19:34:00.009-04:00

Today in the continual effervescent humid heat of August,I wanted to achieve something from my lengthy list of things to do, but I wanted to remain at home. I decided to go through our collection of aging VHS tapes, and decide which ones are to be sent to have DVD copies made. I would like to place some of our family videos of the kids in our safe deposit box for safekeeping, and I would also like to make copies for eventual distribution to our kids, so they each have videos of some Christmases, birthdays and happy times with their siblings. It's tough work. There were videos of building our first farmhouse, and the children watching as backhoes dug out a place for a basement as if cutting into a big chocolate cake. There were videos of Christmases with Matthew as a small boy with a rabbit skin beard, dressed as Santa. There were videos of Daniel when he was a bit older than one, playing with my husband. There was one showing Daniel enjoying Christmas with my aunt and with my mother. So much has changed, and sometimes all the evidence I feel I have of these feelings in my heart, are videos. Of course, when we leave the Earth, we don't take DVDs with us. We only carry the love and memories we have in our hearts. It was nice to see Daniel is videos as a small person, although it made me cry. I enjoyed seeing my aunt and my mother in video, though they have long passed. Interestingly, there are no videos of my father, who would have preferred to be in the moment with us rather than documented on film. Seeing Daniel as a small one was good. Still, the tears fell in warm salty buckets, just as they did so many times within the first year after Daniel's and Dad's passings.

Piano by Jim Brickman Vocals by Canadian Roch Voisine

Summer Challenges

2011-08-01T08:34:00.005-04:00

You might think that when the weather is around 105-110 degrees F, (In excess of 40 degrees Centigrade or more) that criminals might have the sense to stay indoors in air conditioning, or at a pool somewhere. Apparently, things are so difficult financially even for them, that they are out en force, even in the terribly hot weather.
This week a man in camoflage clothing who claimed to be from the Tax Assessors Office, entered the a neighbor's farm seeking an access to yet another property, which borders our own. Because a court case will follow,I can't go into too much detail here. Suffice it to say that criminals are out, they are casing areas with intent to steal or pillage whatever they can. We are a large county and so our sheriff cannot always get out easily to all the farms which might need help quickly. In addition, we have a number of wild animals here, and rabid animals are often a problem. Wolves, bobcat, bears, poisonous snakes, and even the rare cougar are found here, For this reason, most everyone is armed. For years we have always had rifles, but a few years ago we realized that we needed some handguns for use on belt holsters while working on the farm,especially when our work entails having our hands free. This week I was never so glad to have been armed. In this era in our world it can be easy to count up the number of people who have been killed with firearms. What happened in Norway is incredibly sad and egregious. However, we must remember that arming rational law abiding people, saves lives, and we must remember to count those as well. A firearm is a tool, much like a hammer, a car, or a steak knife, and most tools handled improperly can be quite dangerous. Owning and using guns comes with significant responsibility to understand the operation and proper use of your weapon. One must clean it following each use, and target practice safely in order to be proficient. There is also the significant task of ensuring that your weapon not be stolen from you, or grabbed from you while you are using it, and used on you and on others My older sons all can safely manage guns as can my husband. I was late to the game, but began to train about five years ago when I realized the need to protect myself and my family. I completed proper and continued training and I am specially licensed as well. I don't begin to train our kids to use firearms in target shooting or for defensive purposes until after 14, so Daniel never had a chance to fire on the practice range with me. I am grateful for the chance to be armed in order to protect my family from criminals who would invade the farm, and from rabid animals. Although I have personally owned guns for many years, I honestly did not fully appreciate this right, until recently. I took for granted that anyone would see the need for proper protection of property and lives in a rural place.

Sorrows from Norway

2011-07-23T19:13:00.015-04:00

The island site of the Utoya Camp shooting in Norway

Dad and Daniel,

I know that you read these posts and know what is going on around us and on Earth also. I don't know exactly what you both do in Heaven, but I know that each of you are busy and that you have consuming tasks you do for God. As you likely already know,on Friday, a 32 year old man, who is likely deranged, was part of a bomb plot which killed people in a government building in Oslo. Afterward, he dressed as a policeman and took two weapons and arrived at a holiday island which was hosting a camp for young people. Over one and a half hours he shot teens and others as they tried to get away from him. Some were even shot as they jumped in to the water to swim away. In all, the death toll is said to be about 91 with five people still missing, as of the moment of this posting.
I realize that have been lucky in this life in that those I love did not depart from Earth as the result of a willful or malicious act. Each of you passed naturally, even if Daniel's passing was mysterious. Our family did not endure the violent taking of our loved ones. We are sending our prayers for the families of those who have lost loved ones or their children to this senseless act.
I will not state the name of the 32 year old man who committed such a vile and senseless act. He would have to be insane to believe that attack and killing of teenagers would in any way improve political conditions in his nation, and even if it did, no genuine God fearing person of any faith would kill children who had no manner of protecting themselves. Violence begets violence.
I will pray to God, and do what I can here to comfort those who remain on Earth, and if you each could do whatever you can, I would be most appreciative. I know that the veil between us in thin sometimes, and I look forward to these times and these messages. By the way, I got the message about the back door. The frame and the door was significantly reinforced today. Thank you and I send love from those of us who still dwell on Earth.

This amazing song from Adam Young (Owl City) from his blog

I believe that Daniel knows his work, and likes his song "Fireflies"
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Update:

I am noting a marked upswing in the number of people logging on to this post from Norway.
Please know that my family and the people of the United States send their prayers and deepest condolences to all of you in Norway, during this time of incredible loss and turmoil. We send special condolences and prayerful support to those who have children or family members in this terrible act.

Unsettled

2011-07-23T08:46:00.007-04:00

I am overwhelmed. There is much to do on the farm, and a week of days with 105-110 F heat has made accomplishing anything other than feeding and hosing down animals nearly impossible. I was stung by a hornet yesterday as I tried to check on and change waters for ducks, chickens, alpacas, and dogs. It is rare to have a day with such an inhospitable climate.
I am unsettled for other reasons as well. This week a criminal was arrested on a neighboring farm which hammers home that nowhere is idyllic, and that nowhere is safe in all conditions. We are examining better security, better gates, better fencing, and upgrading our security system, in a place which should never have needed it. There is also much talk of a default of the US federal government, and no one can fully anticipate what all the effects of such would be. These are uncharted waters and frightening to many people. I also sit on the precipice of a new business venture, and although I would normally embrace such an opportunity, I am reticent, to start something new, to call attention to myself, to chance any of the framework in which I have been surviving.
I often think that I probably haven't managed things as well as my Dad would have, given all of the situations with which I have to contend. I also think about Daniel very frequently. Was there ANYTHING I could have done in order to have protected him better? Was there anything I missed ? Once again, I am back to wondering how I failed him, if he is gone from Earth now.
I leave you with the song, the song I sang to Daniel, just before his funeral somehow,
"To Where You Are". Although most of you will recognize it as performed by Josh Groban, the song was written by Richard Marx and Linda Thompson (who was oncemarried to David Foster and with whom she has written many wonderful songs) The Groban version of the song was also produced by Richard Marx.

Here is Richard Marx singing his song "To Where You Are"

They Remain Nearby

2011-07-22T14:09:00.009-04:00

Chris Schwarzenegger and mother Maria Shriver

Last night I dreamt in great detail and in vivid color as I sometimes do. One of the most memorable parts of my dream is Daniel walking beside me, to my left. We were walking in a grassy cool area. I thanked him for coming while I was at loose ends and a bit sad and a little bewildered at the moment, and he told me that he is always with me, as is my Dad, even in daylight, when I cannot see them. He also said that their choice as to where to occupy in "Heaven" just now is motivated by wishing to stay near their family. They will apparently not ascend to the highest point in Heaven until all of the family is with them......and apparently, the animals too. This was a comfort, because there are certainly plenty of things to worry about in the world in which those of us in the flesh suits still dwell.
I do want to take a moment though to ask for prayers for someone. I don't know and have never met the Schwarzeneggers, yet I understand how they must feel today. Their 13 year old son Christopher is in an intensive care unit, and has been since Sunday following a collapsed lung and multiple fractures which occured as a result of a surfing or boogie boarding accident in the Pacific Ocean. I hope his recovery is swift and that his mother receives whatever support she needs as she sits beside him in the hospital.

UPDATE: News reports are indicating that although Christopher remains in ICU, that doctors anticipate a full recovery. Our prayers are with Christopher and his family.

For Those Who Sailed On Ahead

2011-07-21T17:32:00.005-04:00

I do my best, but many times I feel disconnected from my father who came to Earth before me, and disconnected also, from my youngest son who was called home without me. Sometimes, I feel a little bit as if a ship on a glorious journey which called on Dad and Daniel, left without me, and left Dad's and Dan's luggage on the pier as well. I know that the remaining family here needs me, but I do spend time wondering what the consciousness and afterlives of both of my beloved family members are like. I will just have to continue to have faith.

This feeling, expressed very well by Richard Marx in "Through My Veins"

How I Go On Living

2011-07-19T08:52:00.010-04:00

Yesterday I was remembering an important moment with Daniel. In 2008, in the autumn, we were called to tell us that my father was in a hospital ICU in another city. He was very ill and was failing. I stayed with him for about four days, but on one Saturday, I thought it would do my father good to see his grandchildren, so my husband and oldest son, drove everyone up from Virginia. It was a trip which took hours. During those hours of travel, my Dad who would have enjoyed the visit, deteriorated significantly. When the kids arrived, I knew he knew they were there, but he could not wake and speak with them, and being nurses kids, they all noticed and knew a great deal about the apparent deteriorating heart rhythm on Dad'scardiac monitor. It was Daniel,especially,who was upset. Outside Dad's glass hospital room in the ICU, Daniel stood, with tears pouring down his face. I went over to him and hugged him tightly. I knew somehow that I wanted to hold that moment both frozen in time, and in my heart forever. When we let go, I told Daniel, that it was alright. (My) Dad's body was wearing out and he could no longer stay with us here on Earth and it was soon time for him to go to Jesus, where he would be comfortable, safe, and start on a new set of tasks. Somehow I was able to comfort Daniel, with my absolute and total belief in the hereafter. Of course, just 31 days after Dad's passing, Daniel too was called by God, in a manner which remains unclear, even after autopsy and multiple autopsy reviews by other experts, with continuing studies looking for genetic illnesses in blood and DNA. I hope.....no I pray, that the courage I showed to Daniel that day at the hospital out of state, was courage that helped him when only a short time later, God called him home. Sometimes, I am not quite sure how I go on living

I Miss My Boy

2011-07-13T14:23:00.010-04:00

I know that Daniel and Dad are safe at home with God. I know that God manages the things I cannot, but I also know that the moments and time seems long to me before I see them again. I am once again rethinking how my son could possibly have had something which killed him, almost my eyes,and that I had no indication of anything being wrong. How good a Registered Nurse, and how good a college professor could I be? I had just finsihed discussing cardiology conduction before the break in which I spent two weeks with Daniel before his passing. I still don't understand how that could be.
Pathologists believe that Daniel passed from Long QT Syndrome, but he does not have the genetic markers for known Long QT. This does not mean he did not have it, just that Daniel may have markers which have not yet be detected and described as markers for long QT. The Mayo Clinic continues to study Daniel's case.I hope that I was as interesting an instructor and as matter-of-fact as the professor in the clip below.

A British medical school professor discusses Long QT Syndrome

The Drugs to be Avoided by Those With Congenital Long QT Syndrome as she discussed are found at:

http://www.azcert.org/medical-pros/drug-lists/list-03.cfm?sort=Generic_name

Added by me, and sorted by US brand name:

http://www.azcert.org/medical-pros/drug-lists/list-03.cfm?sort=Brand_name

This is an online tool for recording your medications for your physician, pharmacist and any other doctors you may see:

http://www.qtdrugs.org/

Congratulations !

2011-07-12T17:44:00.008-04:00

Congratulations to married couple Jewel Kilcher and Ty Murray who welcomed their first child, Kase Townes Murray into the world on July 11th who was 7 lbs. and 6 ounces. Can you imagine how wonderful the lullabyes will be in their house ?

This is a peek:

Thank you, Eric Cantor

2011-07-12T09:55:00.020-04:00

Daniel, our ever political homeschooler

Congressman Eric Cantor

Eric and his wife Diana at his birthday celebration.

In a prior post here, I spoke of how Daniel, during a Republican fundraiser, at Orapax Plantation here in Virginia, tried to convince Congressman Eric Cantor, to no avail, that the big bank bailout of 2008 would be a mistake. However, this week Eric certainly redeemed himself as outlined in the article below. Daniel would be pleased. Daniel believed that excessive spending and excessive US debt would not only be bad for his generation economically and educationally, but bad for the rest of the world as well. I plan to call Eric and thank him for his courage and leadership today.

***Our original post which discusses the day at Orapax Plantation can be found at:

http://learnedfromdaniel.blogspot.com/2011/04/in-land-of-jefferson-madison-and-monroe.html

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UPDATE: If I did not make it clear enough during my call to your DC office today, Thank you Congressman Cantor for showing the courage in leadership that you have this week. There will be no default should the debt ceiling not be raised. The Obama Regime must not continue to write blank checks on only partially considered Bills.

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The GOP's hardliner: How Eric Cantor thwarted the Obama-Boehner debt deal
Time.comTime.com –

At his press conference on Monday, President Obama made clear that his frustration with House Republicans' intransigence in negotiations to raise the federal borrowing limit did not extend to their leader. "I think Speaker Boehner has been very sincere about trying to do something big," Obama said, one of several compliments in an extended embrace of his negotiating partner. "The politics that swept him into the speakership were good for a midterm election; they're tough for governing."

Tough indeed. And a death hug from a polarizing Democratic President doesn't make the task easier for Boehner. From the start of his speakership, Boehner has been forced to contend not just with a fractious band of freshmen who would rather risk economic catastrophe than give ideological ground, but also with a top lieutenant positioning himself as Boehner's purist foil. While Obama may respect Boehner's forthrightness, recent twists in the plot of debt ceiling negotiations suggest that if he wants to convince hard-line House conservatives not to jeopardize the nation's economy, he may have been negotiating with the wrong Republican. (See "Inside Thursday's White House Debt Ceiling Meeting: A Consensus to Go Big.")

During the high-stakes summit at the White House on Sunday evening, Eric Cantor was the primary voice speaking on behalf of Republicans interests, according to several accounts of the meeting. A senior Democratic aide briefed on Monday's talks told TIME that Cantor again "dominated" much of the negotiations on the Republican side, while Boehner "hardly spoke."

Cantor's stated resistance to a grand bargain freighted with revenue increases - and the perception that his position reflected the pulse of the GOP conference - likely influenced Boehner's decision to scuttle his pursuit of a "big deal" with Obama. Weeks earlier, Cantor's abandonment of the Biden-led negotiations were the death knell for those talks. Speculation about palace intrigue is a Washington tradition, but the rumored frost between the top two Republicans in the House could have significant impact on whether the two parties can craft an agreement to raise the debt-limit by August 2. That's particularly true if personal ambition leads either lawmaker to elevate political calculations over policy imperatives.

During a meeting with reporters on Monday afternoon, Cantor dismissed the characterization that a rift has opened between Boehner and his No. 2. "I know you all love to write the soap opera here," Cantor told a standing-room only crowd in the Capitol, but "the Speaker and I are on the same page." It was the first question he was asked, and he later repeated his denial. Less than an hour later, before the two leaders trekked to the White House for another round of negotiations, Boehner held his own separate briefing with the press, where he paid tribute to hard-line Republican demands - a balanced-budget amendment, binding spending caps to stem a slide back to profligacy - and wagged his finger at a reporter who asked about his apparent retreat to the safety of the pack. "There were no tax increases ever on the table," Boehner insisted. (See "There's Big Talk in Washington of a Deficit Deal. Can the Center Hold?")

But while Boehner said on Monday that a bill that raises taxes cannot pass the House, it was Cantor who made every effort in recent days to stake out the anti-tax ground. Helping to thwart Boehner's push for a "big deal" was only the latest jockeying between the supple, deal-making Speaker and his pugnacious top lieutenant. By tapping Cantor as an emissary to the Biden negotiations, Boehner tried to gain Cantor's imprimatur for any deal it yielded; by stalking out over tax increases, Cantor cleaved separation, as he did again by pushing for a smaller deal at a Thursday meeting at the White House. The House Majority Leader, who didn't support Boehner's bid for that job in 2006, could be poised to capitalize should an intraparty feud over the debt-limit fight spark an insurrection. "I think what we learned over this past weekend is that John Boehner…is not really speaker of the House," New York magazine political columnist John Heilemann argues. "Eric Cantor is the speaker of the House." Pointing to the potency of Cantor's anti-tax vehemence, Darrell West of the Brookings Institution said Monday that "Eric Cantor is the real power in the House of Representatives."

For their part, some Republicans argue that Obama's praise for Boehner - and the accounts of unnamed Democratic officials who outlined Cantor's swelling role in the debt-limit negotiations - is a gambit designed to accentuate a rift that isn't there. "I think the White House is trying to drive a wedge between the two. That's why Obama gave Boehner a big bear hug," says an aide to a conservative House Republican freshman. "Both Boehner and Cantor realize a tax hike is not going to fly with the House GOP. And neither one believes that taxes are the solution." Adds the aide: "I don't know if just spending cuts will seal the deal."

Monday's negotiating session, at which the negotiators sought to identify common ground, provided a snapshot of Cantor's determination not to compromise Republican principles. After Obama implored Republicans to bring ideas to the table, "Cantor came in with a specific proposal that included cuts to Medicare without providing a dime in savings through closing special-interest giveaways," says the senior Democratic aide, who says that Obama responded by insisting on "shared sacrifice." Earlier in the day, Cantor told reporters that he considered "shared sacrifice" a euphemism for tax hikes. "Republicans can't add stuff that only they want to do. That won't pass the House or Senate," says another senior Democratic aide briefed on the talks. "So Republicans have to start thinking about things they don't want to do, in addition to the things Democrats don't want to do - which means they need to start talking about revenues." (See five destructive myths about the economic recovery.)

It's not hard to see why the rank-and-file in a restive Republican conference are drawn to Cantor's hard-line haggling. During his off-camera briefing with reporters, Cantor stressed his aversion to a tax hike at every turn, insisting that any deal has "got to be net revenue neutral." He suggested, improbably, that the most fruitful path to a deal was the framework crafted by the Biden-led group that he walked away from just weeks ago, citing irreconcilable differences over taxes. Asked how Republicans were prepared to compromise in pursuit of a deal, Cantor said the GOP was swallowing as much as it could handle by voting to raise the debt limit, an "existential question" that deeply troubles fiscal conservatives. "I don't think the White House understands how difficult it is for fiscal conservatives to vote for a debt-ceiling increase," he said.

It hasn't always been so difficult. Cantor did so on multiple occasions during the George W. Bush presidency, raising the debt limit by trillions of dollars without enacting spending cuts in the process. Now Cantor claims a vote to forestall fiscal calamity amounts to a major concession. This kind of outlook is one reason Obama remains eager to deal with Boehner, even if the GOP's power center may be shifting.

With reporting by Jay Newton-Small

(Time article end)

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Mercy Me "I Can Only Imagine"

Michelle Tumes "Missing You"

Scorching Summers Days Once Again

2011-07-10T15:47:00.011-04:00

This may be one of the last candid pictures taken of Daniel.

I can hardly believe that one of our most popular posts, "Scorching Summer Days" was written now a year ago. In it, I believe I talk about the extreme heat which oppresses Virginia in July, and about my father's birthday this month, and my husband's as well. In some ways,losing Daniel has royally confused how I mark time. Very quickly afterward, music was divided into songs he knew, or songs which were written or became popular before his passing, and songs which came to public view afterward. Incidentally, the song selection below, is a song that Daniel heard often. I am very sure of one thing, and that's that he knew well how much I love him, and always will.
Virginia has once again resumed the oppressive heat which overhangs so much of the summer here. The kind of heat which inspires children and teens to try to shower and change clothing three times daily. I am transported to remembering the days in which Daniel all sweaty with his shirt collar not smooth at the back was cutting watermelon to eat. This is also the kind of heat which inspires adults to go out at seven am, finish all the errands quickly and get back to the house before the noon hour. Sometimes,the oppressive heat inspires some Virginia homeowners to contract to have a pool installed. This is not only outrageously expensive, but it takes time and fairly great expense to maintain.The law in many places also mandates fencing, even on larger farms. In my neck of the woods, a pool also attracts snakes and black bears. A neighbor had a pool destroyed near here by a young bear who apparently thought that it had been installed just for him. I think I will hold out, and perhaps just sit in the jacuzzi.

"Tosh" Revisited

2011-07-08T08:43:00.006-04:00

As you might remember, a cat in a carrier, named MacIntosh, attended Daniel's funeral. The cat sat listening as if he knew why he was there. Some months before, Adam, a friend and I struggled to get a kitten caught in the engine of a new car at the post office. It took hours but thanks to the owner of the car, who allowed Adam to remove parts, liberate the cat and then reassemble parts of the engine, the kitten survived and went to live with friends of ours. Daniel loved the cat, , but could not have one because he was allergic to them. A couple of months after Daniel's sudden passing, a friend of ours gave us a kitten as it closely resembled the cat Daniel loved so much which came to his funeral. Since the first cat MacIntosh, nicknamed Mackie, this new one was to be MacIntosh II, or "Tosh". The idea, according to our friend was that this new kitten would grow up, live a life, and when he passes, would become Daniel's cat in Heaven. I did not have the heart to relate that I too am allergic, so I take my Claritin daily, and sometimes my nose itches and burns. It actually was a sweet gift and the cat has become a farm favorite. Tosh enjoyed his kittenhood here. He has been spoiled by everyone and for the most part, is a sweet and intelligent addition. He was originally supposed to spend his kitten months in the house, and then move out to the barn, which is very nice, where he would patrol. Tosh did not want this. He is a luxury cat who enjoys serenity, peace, and decidedly indoor life. He will not be a barn patrol cat. For awhile we wondered if he would be able to remain in the house because he was a little hostile at times. He had a problem with "misplaced hunting" and would attack the back of my legs as I walked through the house in a sundress or flowing skirt. Fortunately, he abandoned attacking us after being neutered.
Tosh really has been a great addition to our home. He seems to have the hypnotic ability to make us drowsy and take a midday nap when we are home. "Daniel's cat" is a treasured family member now. He remains spoiled and cuddled just as Daniel would have spoiled him. The pictures above are recent ones taken by our daughter.