Lonnie Passes

              This week, one of Daniel's favorite alpacas passed.   It is never easy to lose an animal who has been with us for sixteen years, and who was important to Daniel.     I am comforted by the thought that Daniel will be there for him.  The link below tells of the story of the life of Lonnie.


http://lifeaftertherescues.blogspot.com/2015/05/thank-you-lonnie.html

Sometimes, There is a Sliding Back

          

 Most of the time I move through life fairly well. I enjoy the growth and the achievements of my remaining grown children.  Most days, I remember the cherished memories we have with Daniel, and I don't look too hard or dwell on that last difficult day in which he departed Earth.   Most of the time I can take care of Daniel's few remaining elderly dogs and the descendants of his rooster.  I take very good care of the alpacas we have, all of whom knew him well.  He cared very much about them and would want them to receive excellent care during their own remaining time on Earth..

               However, once in awhile, particularly in Spring, something reminds me of the simple ugly unfairness of it all.  It's Spring !    The trees that wither and appear to die in Winter, most often return.  Daniel, of course, cannot return stating that "a mistake was made".   We can't appeal his passing simply because he was removed from our home after being pronounced dead, by a minivan rather than a hearse, although the thought had occurred to me. The loss of a child is a loss of part of the future for a family, always and forever during our time on Earth.

   This week, one of my kids sent me a video to a song online.  It's a good song, and a good group and I think we will all be hearing more from them.  However, my jaded heart saw something different.  Daniel would be nineteen now.  He would be starting the process at college somewhere learning how he fits into the world.   He would be dating.  He would likely be experiencing the emotions of this song, and somehow through some cosmic unfairness that his mother cannot understand, he is not here on Earth to do it.









Daniel, it's just that the feelings talked about in this song, you will not know while here on Earth. I know that we are to have faith that all that happens here during our time here will be amended or redeemed in the next plane, but it is oh so hard for the people who knew you here and who brought you to Earth to know that you won't continue here. Most days I have that faith, and then sometimes, there is a song like this which reminds me that life goes on for your friends, their families here on Earth and that yours continue elsewhere........for a time away from us.     I will try to do better.    I think of you with love always.

To Daniel, Who Would be Nineteen, This Week

Daniel,

       I can hardly believe that this would be your nineteenth birthday if you had been able to remain on Earth. You would likely be in college working on, goodness knows what degree by now.  You would have a cluster of friends who no doubt would be important to you, and I would probably see you most often when I drive to your college to have lunch with you periodically, just as I did with your siblings. You would probably be playing the "Magic" strategy card game with your friends, and when you had a chance, you would be working for a local food bank as I know this was important to you when you were younger.  Sometimes, to stay sane, I pretend that you are "in college" in Heaven, and that my Dad and Jesus guide you there. It gives me a temporary framework of normalcy, so that I don't have to tell myself you are simply gone from Earth.

       Here on the farm, all the animals you knew are aging.  One by one, they pass and then I am sure, come to you.  We have several farm animals who are deteriorating in the face of extreme advanced age, and will be coming to you soon. Jared, the Siberian Husky you knew so well, fights hard to remain here as long as possible, but at fifteen and a half, he is failing, a little bit each day.

      I have come to think of myself as the "clean up crew" and support staff to your life here on Earth.  I will continue to care for your animals, and be a loving and supportive parent to your siblings, and to your little nephew who smiles at your picture as if he somehow knows a special secret between the two of you. I will have faith, and I will continue to believe in the loving Father who not only keeps your soul safe now, but who lent your wonderful spirit to me in the shape of a wonderful son, in the first place.

       Happy Birthday, Daniel.   Today, I will bake you a cake, share it with your siblings, care for your animals, take care of your nephew, and your siblings, and I will dust your room and clean a little. You have been gone from Earth for six and a half years, and yet, I love you just as much as I did that day, if not more.



   

Happy Birthday, Daniel