Sunday, May 30, 2010

Messages in Closets

This is a photograph of the actual inside of the box where Daniel had written.

Yesterday, there was an incredible crash in Stephanie's closet. When we opened the double doors, we found that the shelf and the pole had collapsed. We might have wanted to comment on the closet being a tad overloaded.We really couldn't blame her though, when we noticed that the builder we had paid so much money to, finished the closet without the adequate complement of studs, behind the wall. Apparently, for the last several years, the shelf and pole had been secured only to the sheetrock itself. The sheetrock finally had given out and had broken right out revealing a studless back closet wall.
Today, my husband will spend his Sunday afternoon taking the closet apart, re-placing the studs that should be there, sheetrocking, and then reinstalling a stainless pole and a reinforced shelf.
The funny thing is that when Stephanie was pulling apart her closet, and securing everything, one of the lids to the shoeboxes came off. Inside the box, written in magic marker was


I ( drawn heart, heart, heart)


Love, Dan

Of course, when she held it up to show me, we both cried. If you want, you can believe that Daniel coincidentally did this more than a year and a half ago, or whether he did something which allowed us, and specifically her to see it now, when she actually could use his encouragement on her 26th birthday. Sometimes, we have evidence simply of what a loving dear son Daniel was, and sometimes, it seems more like Daniel leaving messages when they are most needed.

Thank you Daniel, for your loving note.

Saturday, May 29, 2010


Going through the work of my day, I often think about how I don't like this timeline. Sometimes, life seems an awful lot like a bad episode of "Sliders" where something has happened which takes two members of the group to another world, and they are unable to rejoin the others, who are stuck in another tedious and upside-down world where very little makes sense. Of course, this is not what happened to us, but I still struggle with explaining to myself exactly what did. Papa L. passed after a well lived and well played life, and then 31 days later, just before we went Christmas shopping, you passed, without real explanation, as if you literally were called by God. I tell this to myself thirty or forty times daily, half to program it, and half to hope for some extra tidbit of information which will come this time, somehow making it more palatable or more understandable, but it never does. I know you are both safe with God, and I know that you know what I write. I don't know how much you know about our country though. Economically, things are very bad. No one in Stephanie's graduating class from the university a year ago, has been able to find a job that they did not already have before they had their degree. Adam and his class graduated from the university this month, and also have few prospects. Of course, everyone has student loans which are temporarily in deferrment, and this deferrment is renegotiated every several months when they are convinced you are still searching for a job in earnest. This of course is delaying Adam's upcoming marriage.
In addition, our country, our President and our Congress forced through a plan which places our country in deep debt. The US nears the amount of debt to annual gross domestic product that Argentina did before it fell. Other than limited our personal debt severely, I don't know what we can do. We are doing our best, and there are some days where we really do know you are both better off. A new national health program has been enacted, and frankly, it won't work. Congress and the President didn't even read it before enacting it.
I don't mean to complain, I only want to tell you what is going on from our perspective. I think a lot about Einstein's theory of parallel universes, and I like to think that if God was bored enough to play the same game on several boards, so to speak, that there is at least one board where Daniel's time on Earth continues, even if Dad's had to eventually end. We are trying to use the remaining time left well.
Love to you both and to the other "ancestors" always.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Messages in Dream

I spend a fair amount of time wondering about you and Papa L. and what your existence is like now. I try to focus on those who are here, because this is where I can exert the most good now, and because I am ever cognizant that anyone can be lost from Earth with no notice whatsoever.
Sometimes in dream, I hear you both. I forget a great deal of what you tell me, because I think it comes in a stream faster than I can process while asleep, but I do get some of it.
My understanding of what you have said is that Heaven is an overlay to Earth. Depending upon our stage of progression following passing, we ascend to whatever level we are supposed to. We can return to Earth to visit and we can go to our level of Heaven, and levels lower than our own, but we cannot ascend higher for many reasons. (Because apparently, there is still work and spiritual growth going on following our passings.) Some of us wait until all of our family has left the Earth before ascending to where we could, in fact go. I understand that the entire process is done because we are to learn for God, and because we seek to please Him.
If I have this straight, please let me know. If not, please refine it for me and tell me again. I do hear you in dream, and I am grateful for the communications.
Love you both.

Thankyou also to Benjamin West who has helped me to understand that there is much more going on at God's hands than any of us can envision or realize.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

On this Mother's Day


On this Mother's Day, I think of you and Papa L. and I wonder what you are doing today. We have no particular plans other than to rest and catch up, as life has been busy the past couple of weeks. Matt has completed his first year of college with just about a 4.0 . Adam will graduate from the university, and Stephanie will start a new job. The animals are all hanging in there, even the elderly ones.
The You Tube video I have chosen today for this posting is a young man coincidentally named Daniel, who is quite expertly playing the piano portion to Mark Shultzes "Remember Me", with harmony by Ginny Owens. This has always been a favorite song of mine, and Daniel would remember it, especially since we worked hard at home to perfect the harmony ourselves.
I love you both, wider than the oceans and deeper than the seas.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A Comment on Digital Artistry

We are very fortunate and honored to live in a time in which You Tube and digital technology have made possible the inclusion of some of the best songs and performances of our time in our blog.
These will be included when appropriate for blog entries under Fair Use Laws. No copyright infringement is intended by the inclusion of any work and creative endeavors of those involved, and name credit has been given. Sales for these artists are actually be boosted by individuals seeing their performances here. If you do indeed see something you like, please purchase the song from digital means or perhaps purchase the CD. Daniel would want us to honor the work of these artists by seeing that they are paid. Thankyou.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Happy Birthday Daniel

Before Daniel's funeral, one and a half years ago, I went into the funeral home early, and sang this song, before the funeral. I think this rendition, sans my tears is much better.

This is Josh Groban singing "To Where You Are"

I love you Daniel

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Happy Birthday Daniel

Had you remained on Earth, tomorrow would be your fourteenth birthday. I know that where you are now, that you are ageless and that you selected a form which is in your twenties or thereabouts. Still, I live with the memory of my beautiful son who would be fourteen tomorrow and this visceral memory of mine, is quite strong. I love you very much, we all do. Imagine my giving you a long tight birthday hug, you fine man ! We will be buying a cake and we will do some other things which recall your memory, which I will talk about here after the weekend, but I wanted you to know, that we have a little bit of a quandary. Which one of these cakes should we pick for you ? Should we commemorate your playful inner child, or your obvious intelligence and maturity ? Happy Birthday. I know you are a creature of light now, and darling, even on Earth you always were.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Wider Than the Oceans and Deeper than the Seas

As we near your birthday, which would be your fourteenth, I think often about how much time it's been since you had to go. I try really hard not to feel sorry for myself or for the rest of our family. I try to see the time we had with you as a gracious gift from God, rather than some type of cosmic failure when you had to go.
Still the nurse in me wonders so many things. I never saw anything that led me to be concerned, but you liked soda. Maybe your love of soda kept your potassium in balance, and on Thanksgiving at friends when you didn't have soda that day, your potassium dropped just enough to allow the excitement to permit dysrhythmia. Perhaps all of these things together, the hormones of adolescence, the excitement of Thanksgiving and then Christmas coming, and also a possible drop in your, potassium without soda that day were convergent factors which had to occur in order for the dysrhythmia and your passing to happen.
I know I should let it go, but there is little else to ponder sometimes.
We are still considering ways to memorialize you, other than the barn used for animal rehab in which you share the dedication with Papa L. I think we will continue to memorialize you in many ways, for the rest of our lives. We are not stuck, and don't feel sorry for us. Just know that we continue here with your memory with us, even though we know you passed from here in November, 2008.
Did you know I still write checks with the year being 2008 ? Maybe parts of me might be stuck after all.
I love you both deeper than the oceans and wider than the seas.