|Photo: Steve Jurvetson|
For someone with college degrees, I really understand so little about the way the world and the cosmos truly works. Dad, when you passed, you had prepared me for that day all of my life. I knew very clearly that I had been prepared to stand alone, if need be, and to complete my tasks on Earth without you. Thank you for such a fantastic job of teaching me to stand tall, no matter what happens in the world. I accepted your passing and somehow knew you would know how I was doing as I complete my tasks on Earth. Daniel, in 2008, I never expected you to pass to spirit before me. My focus was preparing you and your siblings to stand tall without me and without your Dad, just as I had been prepared to. I did not know that you were intended for a different set of tasks than I imagined during your time on Earth. After you passed in late 2008, I didn't want it to become 2009. I still thought that somehow, if there were any justice in the universe at all that somehow, I could return to 2008, or remain in it, and not move forward until you somehow came with me. Each year since, I have approached a new year with reticence and perhaps a little dread. I am in uncharted waters now. If a child of mine with no known medical problems could pass without clear cause on autopsy, then truly anything can happen in this life, and sometimes I am truly frightened as the years pass. Somehow, 2009, became 2010, and quickly 2010 became 2011. The US economy deteriorated over this time, and the people entrusted with course corrections not only fell asleep at the wheel, but they appeared to do things counter to actual rational course corrections. The entire bus is headed into a ditch. Part of me feels relief sometimes that you will not have to navigate in a world in which college, getting a first job, and supporting a family are becoming increasingly difficult. I know you would have done it, and done it well, but your tasks would have been true challenges in the environment which now exists in the US.
This year, although I know that difficult times are to come for both the world, and especially for the United States, I am doing better with the idea that 2011 will become 2012, and will do so in a number of hours. I will even celebrate it. I will celebrate it because James needs to spend some time celebrating milestones in his life and with his still new family. I will do it for another reason I finally realized. As fast as the years flow, then the closer to the end of my time on Earth we are, and then, we become closer to my seeing you again. Can you believe, my dear, it took me three years to figure this out ? Another year is being put to bed, and I am just that much closer to being home with you and Dad. I will not forget to use the rest of time on Earth wisely, just watch.