Reflections of Christmases Since Loss

When I look back at the last four Christmases, I marvel at how I and our family survived. First in 2008, when Daniel passed so suddenly without clear explanation. We were left celebrating a Christmas for which Daniel had purchased gifts. The following Christmas, 2009, was bewildering also, but somehow we arrived at the conclusion that God not only is real and has a plan, but that he does not make mistakes. Somehow, Daniel's being called in a somewhat supernatural manner was a signal that Daniel was, and is a part of an important and grander plan for both Heaven and for the Earth.  I remember in the depths of my despair in the Christmas season, hearing the song below, and finding that it helped me to understand the miracle, the majesty and the perfection of Christ. Since Daniel came from God, then of course, God could indicate when he was to return to Him. I hope this rendition of this song holds the same needed Christmas magic for you.


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You can buy sheet music for this song from this location:

http://www.praisecharts.com/detail/arrangement/9410

A Forced Christmas

It's 2 am, and someone is running the washing machine. I have no idea who it is. From this side of the house when it spins there is just the slightest detectable vibration much milder than the earthquake aftershocks we have been having. Well, we did it. We got the tree up, the decorations on. Wouldn't have it done without the help of the kids. The gifts and cards intended for foreign destinations were sent yesterday. The gifts to neighbors and those who work or do things for us through the year have been given. I sent most of the domestic Christmas cards out today, and there will be only about ten more tomorrow. I still need to place the wreath on the door and do some decoration outside. I keep a bunch of Christmas cards in waiting for those who send me an unanticipated card, and then I can quickly reciprocate. I must admit that I don't feel much like Christmas anymore. Daniel has been gone three years, and the other biological kids are all young adults. J. is sixteen now, and there is only so long one can keep trying to give him the "Perfect Christmas" in order to correct the perceived deficiencies in his early life before we adopted him. Sometimes, it feels as if we have outgrown Christmas. I know this is not true. Christmas has simply changed for us, and we must find ways to help ourselves to find new meaning in Christmas. In a little more time, we need to take a ton of Christmas presents for a friend we have who lives in a nursing home. I think this will help my Christmas spirit a great deal. This, and the music. I hope this Christmas is not a forced one for you. I hope you find meaning, comfort, support and joy in this holiday season. When you do, write me, and tell me how you did it !