|I liked it, and I thought of you, but then I could not bring it home.|
Many times I function very well. I do what I need to do as a parent and as a grandparent. I take good care of your animals and their descendants. Every once in a while there is something that I see or hear which triggers less than a happy recollection. I think today was one of those days. I went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for someone and I saw a small blue and white house flag. It said
If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.
I picked up the flag and added it to the few things I bought there. It will look nice on the small flag holder near the driveway. Then I thought about it some more. You were called to Heaven supernaturally. No clear explanation of why you passed has ever been demonstrated. Repeated autopsies found nothing wrong but concluded that the manner in which you fell coupled with family history among older family members probably pointed to an abrupt cardiac arrhythmia. You were called home by God in just a few seconds. Even though I gave CPR immediately, I never got you back. You were no longer there when I began. If I were to build a bridge and walk up to Heaven to bring you home then I am doubting the plan of God. God needed you home in Heaven, and by saying I would bring you home I am doing something contrary to God's plan for you, for me , and for this family. Still, I love you and I miss you more than words can say. I left the flag in the store. I chose to trust God's plan for us all. Perhaps this is as close to acceptance of what happened to which I will ever arrive.