Most of the time I resist the temptation to wonder what life would be if God had graciously decided that day, almost three years ago now, to let Daniel return to us after CPR, and live a normal life, or perhaps even skipped his cardiac arrest due to unknown cause, entirely.
Sometimes though, I give in, as I did this week. Everyone in our family has been heavily impacted by Daniel's departure. I can't help wondering what life would be without Daniel's passing. What would we be doing ? What would Daniel be doing now had he remained on Earth ? For that matter, what would life be had my father not passed, and remained with us a few more years? Certainly, my father prepared me in little ways, all of my life for the day when he would pass before me. Other than conveying my absolute faith to Daniel, I hope that I somehow helped to prepare him for his passage to God ahead of mine. I still remember, as if it were last evening, what a hug from Daniel is like. When here on Earth he was a tall and muscular boy of 12 1/2. He still had soft skin as he did when he was small. I would like a hug now, and I would never let go. There is just no complete imagining of what his life, at now 15 would be like. Would we have adopted James? Would James and Daniel be comrades or at times, adversaries ? I can only imagine. Sometimes I realize that our grief has not come all that far, and that sometimes we still stand within the light of the shock and disbelief that our twelve year old son could have passed suddenly, and that even after autopsy, no one can truly tell us why, other than an educated guess.
This is a rare song, "I'm Still Not Over You" performed by Richard Carpenter, of "Carpenters" fame.
This is Richard Carpenter and his wife Mary. They have five children, (Kristi Lynn, Traci Tatum, Mindi Karen, Colin Paul, and Taylor Mary) a couple of which perform with their father on occasion.
|Mary, Richard and one of their daughters, Mindi|
|This is Mindi Karen Carpenter, one of Richard and Mary's daughters. She certainly resembles both of them.|
This is an updated picture of their family