Warm Tears

Today in the continual effervescent humid heat of August,I wanted to achieve something from my lengthy list of things to do, but I wanted to remain at home. I decided to go through our collection of aging VHS tapes, and decide which ones are to be sent to have DVD copies made. I would like to place some of our family videos of the kids in our safe deposit box for safekeeping, and I would also like to make copies for eventual distribution to our kids, so they each have videos of some Christmases, birthdays and happy times with their siblings. It's tough work. There were videos of building our first farmhouse, and the children watching as backhoes dug out a place for a basement as if cutting into a big chocolate cake. There were videos of Christmases with Matthew as a small boy with a rabbit skin beard, dressed as Santa. There were videos of Daniel when he was a bit older than one, playing with my husband. There was one showing Daniel enjoying Christmas with my aunt and with my mother. So much has changed, and sometimes all the evidence I feel I have of these feelings in my heart, are videos. Of course, when we leave the Earth, we don't take DVDs with us. We only carry the love and memories we have in our hearts. It was nice to see Daniel is videos as a small person, although it made me cry. I enjoyed seeing my aunt and my mother in video, though they have long passed. Interestingly, there are no videos of my father, who would have preferred to be in the moment with us rather than documented on film. Seeing Daniel as a small one was good. Still, the tears fell in warm salty buckets, just as they did so many times within the first year after Daniel's and Dad's passings.

Piano by Jim Brickman Vocals by Canadian Roch Voisine