Most of the time I move through life fairly well. I enjoy the growth and the achievements of my remaining grown children. Most days, I remember the cherished memories we have with Daniel, and I don't look too hard or dwell on that last difficult day in which he departed Earth. Most of the time I can take care of Daniel's few remaining elderly dogs and the descendants of his rooster. I take very good care of the alpacas we have, all of whom knew him well. He cared very much about them and would want them to receive excellent care during their own remaining time on Earth..
However, once in awhile, particularly in Spring, something reminds me of the simple ugly unfairness of it all. It's Spring ! The trees that wither and appear to die in Winter, most often return. Daniel, of course, cannot return stating that "a mistake was made". We can't appeal his passing simply because he was removed from our home after being pronounced dead, by a minivan rather than a hearse, although the thought had occurred to me. The loss of a child is a loss of part of the future for a family, always and forever during our time on Earth.
This week, one of my kids sent me a video to a song online. It's a good song, and a good group and I think we will all be hearing more from them. However, my jaded heart saw something different. Daniel would be nineteen now. He would be starting the process at college somewhere learning how he fits into the world. He would be dating. He would likely be experiencing the emotions of this song, and somehow through some cosmic unfairness that his mother cannot understand, he is not here on Earth to do it.
Daniel, it's just that the feelings talked about in this song, you will not know while here on Earth. I know that we are to have faith that all that happens here during our time here will be amended or redeemed in the next plane, but it is oh so hard for the people who knew you here and who brought you to Earth to know that you won't continue here. Most days I have that faith, and then sometimes, there is a song like this which reminds me that life goes on for your friends, their families here on Earth and that yours continue elsewhere........for a time away from us. I will try to do better. I think of you with love always.