|In this picture, Daniel was eight. He passed four and a half years later/|
This week, on the day after Thanksgiving it will be seven years. Seven years since the day in which Daniel happily entered the bathroom to get ready to go Christmas shopping, and collapsed. Immediate intervention with CPR and epinephrine made no difference and despite his good color, he was in cardiac arrest. He was pronounced dead here in our house on the farm later that morning.
"Move on" some of our acquaintances say. The reality is that no one who has lost a child "gets over it". It is not that we ruminate upon it. It is that it is a life defining moment. My life was sharply divided as if by machete into "With Daniel on Earth" compartments, and "After Daniel's departure from Earth"., when he died. The world is forever changed. I don't want to forget Daniel. I am going to mention him in conversation. This week I was recalling that he learned to read so quickly that I don't think I ever taught him. I think being an infant and toddler while we were homeschooling his siblings and using the computer simply moved his reading and vocabulary along quickly. I am aware that parents who have not lost a child are instantly uncomfortable when I mention my son who just happens to have passed.
In all honesty, if I can mention him and do so with a smile following our family's loss, who are you to convey discomfort ? You never knew him, never loved him, and don't really care. If you don't like my mentioning Daniel, it's your problem, not mine.
This said, if you are the parent of a child who has passed and you are moving headlong into the holiday season, you are in my thoughts and prayers. No, it will never be easy, but you will reach a plateau of "better" where you recall the joyous moments of your life together unimpeded by the moments which took your child from you. Some day, the loss will not obscure the joy you had by having that wonderful soul come to Earth as your child. Here's wishing that this day comes soon for you. Someday, you will be thankful rather than wholly sorrowful. I promise you this.
Wishing all readers and their families and lovely Thanksgiving Holiday.