Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I have always been aware, as a nurse, that many people, following the passing of a loved one, see things that are somehow familiar and in them, believe that the person they have lost is saying hello. Sometimes this takes the form of seeing a particular bird their spouse loved, or a particularly large flower in bloom,a rainbow over a favorite spot, or even a cherished song on the radio. In all, this is pretty normal, and reported fairly often, usually by people who are quite sane. A social scientist might believe that we associate these everyday things with our beloved lost person, and that when we see yellow roses, for example, we naturally think they somehow our lost beloved who loved yellow roses, sent this hint of their living on. I believed this too, until recently.
Since Daniel's sudden passing, a few unusual things have happened. First, there was the dream which I reported to all of you, in which the true cause of his death was revealed by Daniel to our son Matthew. The cause of death was confirmed by pathologists, just days later, who were completing their pathology at the time.
Another thing that has been happening, we refer to here as "The Skittles". We built a new home which was completed about three years ago as so we are quite familiar with the background sounds here, in all four seasons. When Stephanie and I talk to one another, we hear what sounds like M&Ms or Skittles dropping onto the oak floors, one by one. I have heard this a couple of times as I used the computer, but mostly it has occurred when Stephanie and I have been talking. The last time it happened, it was so pronounced, that both she and I said, "alright" and dropped to the floor to look for whatever has been dropping around us. We found nothing. This stopped at about the time I reported this on a listserv I visit for bereaved moms.
After the Skittles stopped, we began to hear the sound of a tennis ball being bounced once in awhile, not regularly, in the room we are in. I have checked closets, bathrooms, decks and porches for what this could be. I wonder if it could be Daniel, just letting us know that he is fine and able,on occasion, just to check on us. Then I think that if someone who had sustained a terrible loss told me this, I would consider them to be showing signs of being just a little bit off the beam as a result of high stress. You may think whatever you would like.



  1. ~don't wonder what it could be, you know what it is~

  2. We still talk about this. It was the very strangest thing.

  3. ~i can only imagine. and empathize. and wish to hug you.~


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.