Monday, May 14, 2012

I Am Sad That You Are No Longer Here

I enjoyed every moment of your life, from your babyhood and through to being 12 1/2, certainly intellectually, a young man.   (photo found at:

     Mother's Day is always a difficult post for me here.  On the one hand, my own mother is gone, so the barrage of ads on radio, the internet and even television urging me to get my mother everything from dipped strawberries to roses, falls a little flat.   Most of all, it's a somber day for me as I remember my son who is no longer here. It also closely follows your birthday, which is a vulnerable time for me as well.  I understand that while we are alive, our soul dwells inside our flesh suits, and that after we pass from that body, that our awareness continues. Most faiths believe that we return to the God from which we came.  The difficulty for me is that even though I am abundantly lucky, and I hear from you and Dad, and occasionally others who have passed, in dreams, that I still don't have the easy and enjoyable exchanges with you that I did before.  I loved telling you things, about the world, about news, about my day, and I loved hearing what you would say, and seeing the expression on your face. I really enjoyed watching you grow and seeing all of the ways you were learning. You are so incredibly bright and talented, and I always appreciated the gift to us that you are.  I suppose, simply put, I miss you in the flesh.  I am simply sad that you are no longer here. This is true each day, and not just following your birthday, and not just on Mother's Day. The same is true of my mother, and my father, my in laws, my grandparents, and all my aunts.
         Of course, your siblings and your Dad remembered me on Mother's Day, although I always keep it rather low key.  I spent Mother's Day with someone elses mother.  We have a friend who resides in a nursing home, and whose family lives far away.  Taking our family members, taking her flowers and visiting, and hearing recollections of her wedding was special and important. Of course Daniel, you already know this.

In both Russian or in "Angliski", this is my favorite Mother's Day song:

Мама моя. Ольга Афанасьева, Lara Fabian, Игорь Крутой

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