Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Learning to Enjoy the Successes of Other People's Children

Julia Bentley and Andrew Gunadie in their famous video "Canadian, Please"

 One of the things that is so difficult about the loss of a child is that his future here on Earth with you, is obliterated.   Daniel is so terribly talented in so many ways, and it can be so very difficult to know that his distinct gifts will not be unwrapped for those here on Earth.   I shouldn't feel so badly.  Not only are Daniel's gifts unwrapped for a Heavenly audience, but  I have watched as our daughter, Daniel's sister,  graduate from college, and find her own means of creative expression and has made a mark in the world as a professional artist, an illustrator and as a photographer.  I have watched as Daniel's eldest brother graduated from the university and become a sculptor.  I am still watching our son Matt in college become who he will be. Soon James who came to us through adoption a year after Daniel's passing will launch to college as well.  I try not to let my heart hurt over not seeing what Daniel would have brought to Earth.
                 One of the other things that does come after the loss of a child is a grand perspective.  I can tell parents who perhaps aren't thrilled with their child's initial career choice or college major that none of it really matters.  A loved child with good parents and loving siblings will find his way, regardless of whatever career or major he chooses first.  This new perspective also allows me to have real joy at the achievements and accomplishments of other young people, my children's ages, who may, or may not be, their friends.

                I would like to introduce you to Julia Bentley.   Julia is originally from London, Ontario.  She and her sister are the daughters of two attornies.   I discovered Julia's music just after Daniel's passing, almost four years ago. She and a  friend Andrew Gunadie who is talented in his own right,  have done some excellent work. 


This is Julia Bentley and Andrew Gunadie (who on YouTube use the individual monikers, Honeychip and Gunnarola)

This video, from three years ago is Julia Bentley and Andrew Gunadie performing a song they wrote, produced, performed, mixed and edited. This past Sunday in Toronto, Julia celebrated the release of her first solo album "Out of Reach" This link will allow you to listen to some of the songs.

 Please check out

(More information at this link)
My particular favorite is the last one "Confidence"

 I would love to see both Julia and Andrew be very successful in the music business, whether they work together or separately in the future.

 I hope their parents appreciate how wonderful it is to have your child bring all of their talents to Earth.

 Good luck Julia, you and Andrew deserve every success. I have a feeling that Daniel would have enjoyed both your music.


  1. Thank you for visiting my blog. I just spent some time on yours, catching up with your story about Daniel. He was/is a beautiful boy, and I know that his absence and missing him is totally profound. I am so sorry for you all and know that without the hope of Heaven, and faith in God, this would be unbearable. I identify with so much that you describe here in your blog, especially the difficulty with putting it all into words. I am glad for what you have written and that you have written a book telling others what you have learned. I am going to read it. Sudden death is it's own category of grief. There is no preparation for it and acceptance takes time. It helps to write. It is a powerful form of therapy and has been a burden and a relief for me. My son's death was not so different from Daniel's. SUDEP, sudden unexplained death from epilepsy, is considered to be a form of heart failure that occurs with or without a seizure. We had never heard of it before we lived it. I am glad to know that you also live in VA. Most of my bereaved friends I have met online. I am in VA Beach, and would love to meet you if you are too. I said a prayer for you all as I read. My son died in 2008 and we are on similar grief timetables. Comfort and peace to all of you.

    1. Karen, Thank you for your visit and for your lovely words. Once again, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son from Earth. I am comforted by knowing of the close relationship he shared/shares with you both, and also by the beautiful world and life you both gave to him during his time here. A sudden death is bewildering. I still tell myself what happened every day, and I still don't completely believe it. Please write me anytime.


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