Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I am Doing My Best

Daniel and Dad,

It's been four years since your departures. Four years since your funerals, and yet in many ways, these are not distant memories. I am afraid that in some ways, my life has come defined by the loss of both of you. The book about Daniel's life is now available worldwide. Daniel, you might be pleased to know that your face can be found all over the world in bookstores, and certainly in all the cities around the world I never got the opportunities to take you. How ironic that your book is so much better traveled than you. Sometimes I feel sad that with all the love I gave you, and all the joy we had, that I somehow dropped the ball on things you should have done while here. But, I would always have wanted more. Dad, when I am not embroiled in activities with the animals or the other kids, and I am not battling either asthma or episodic atrial fibrillation, I will start collecting paperwork and outlining for a book on your life also. It should always have been written, but I believe it would have been a better and more comprehensive book had it been written by you. I will do my best, as the agent of both of you on Earth to continue. Four years on, even with the love of the family that remains, I feel lost sometimes without each of you. I am doing my best.


  1. I look forward to reading your book about Daniel. I think I'm finally going to give myself a gift of a Kindle and your book will be one of my first Kindle purchases.
    Writing a book about Daniel is a major accomplishment. How wonderful to see Daniel's face in bookstores everywhere.

  2. Thank you. As you know, it's tough going, writing something like this. The book came out 48 hours shy of the fourth anniversary of Daniel's passing.

  3. I don't know why, but I seem to know a lot of bereaved parents who are at the 4 year mark right now. And it doesn't seem to get any easier. As one parent wrote, time doesn't heal, it just separates.

    1. Even if you accept absolutely, as I do, that our children are fine, and that they know what we say and do here on Earth, we still must live with a physical separation which gets old very quickly. The pain is less acute than four years ago, but it can be easily recalled. Hang in there.


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