Milestones

In her youth, my mother very much resembled Queen Elizabeth, only was much taller.

    

    This week after a long day, I finally collapsed on the bed and turned on the television.  A rebroadcast of Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee was on.  I watched, not because I have a particular interest, but because my mother, a lifelong British subject,  would have, and since she is gone now, I often feel called upon to complete tasks she would have done.   It was a bit sad for me. The fireworks were incredible, and as someone who has spent quite a bit of time in the area of Buckingham Palace, when we lived in Harrow, and also on visits since,  I know how skilled the company must have been to liberate those fireworks so near so many people.  I felt sorry for Queen Elizabeth.  Prince Phillip was in hospital, and here she was, once again, placing duty above something she would probably rather be doing. She would likely rather have been sitting next to her husband in hospital.  The ceremony was painfully long for me as I thought about where she might rather be.  Prince Charles and his wife are now an older couple, Elton John is an older man, and for the first time Paul McCartney looked every moment of his mid-sixties.   They not only all had aged, but I have aged too.  I did not mind aging, and watching famous people age, to make way for a crop of young people, but since Daniel has passed, the prospect is decidedly less positive.   Everyone is aging, Dad and Mom are gone.  My in-laws are gone, and Daniel will not be here to take the place we believed he would on Earth.  The passing of a child always changes all the landmarks which follow in life, and probably not for the better.   Even when we have other children, the future line lost of the child who is no longer here, is palpably felt, unfortunately every time a landmark, both historical and personal is reached.
        In a few weeks our daughter will move into her first house.  Somehow, all of the life landmarks with our other children somehow underscore Daniel's absence from Earth.

Queen Elizabeth II, on the occasion of her Diamond Jubilee

         

I never dreant that Queen Elizabeth would outlive both my mother, and also my youngest son.