Thursday, October 18, 2012

You Held My Hand

This looks very much as it does here just now.

    Daniel, this week as we clearly pull in like a train to a station,  to the time of the year in which you so abruptly had to leave us, now almost four years ago, I have been thinking of you rather a lot.   The manuscript to the book which centers on your life is at the publishers and they are busy doing everything from reviewing format, grammar and spelling as well as fact checking.  Fact checking ? Hmmm.  Only you could do that on such a book.  Still it is moving along quickly    Many times I thought of you this week and I had to giggle about a few of the things you said or did as they came to mind.  Do you know what I remember most of all about you, and one of the memories I cherish so much ?   I remember very clearly that when we visited a town or a city and we were about to cross the street, that you would hold my hand, and we would walk across the street together.  This may not seem unusual to you, but most boys, do this when they are very young, because their mother is walking a child across the road. When the boy starts to grow up as you did, this usually stops because the boy wishes to remain independent of his mother.  You did not do that. When we crossed the street, you would hold my hand and we would cross together.  It was not as if you were a small boy reaching for his mother's help. It was not as if I were a decrepit little mother and you were guiding me across a busy road. It was as if two souls who come to Earth were linking their hands in order to manage the hazard of the road.  I remember that well, and I miss it.  No one holds my hand when I cross the street now. Yes, I have your siblings with me here on Earth still, and of that I am appreciative.   I have your Dad here too.  I even have James who came to us through adoption after your passing. I have a busy loneliness. Though I very much do miss you, your personality, the things we did together, all of it. I know you watch and walk with me whenever you can, and I really appreciate this.  I know you communicate with my Dad and that you have quite a family there with you. I just thought you might appreciate hearing how much I love you, and that I always will.

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