You Held My Hand

   

This looks very much as it does here just now.    123rf.com

 

    Daniel, this week as we clearly pull in like a train to a station,  to the time of the year in which you so abruptly had to leave us, now almost four years ago, I have been thinking of you rather a lot.   The manuscript to the book which centers on your life is at the publishers and they are busy doing everything from reviewing format, grammar and spelling as well as fact checking.  Fact checking ? Hmmm.  Only you could do that on such a book.  Still it is moving along quickly    Many times I thought of you this week and I had to giggle about a few of the things you said or did as they came to mind.  Do you know what I remember most of all about you, and one of the memories I cherish so much ?   I remember very clearly that when we visited a town or a city and we were about to cross the street, that you would hold my hand, and we would walk across the street together.  This may not seem unusual to you, but most boys, do this when they are very young, because their mother is walking a child across the road. When the boy starts to grow up as you did, this usually stops because the boy wishes to remain independent of his mother.  You did not do that. When we crossed the street, you would hold my hand and we would cross together.  It was not as if you were a small boy reaching for his mother's help. It was not as if I were a decrepit little mother and you were guiding me across a busy road. It was as if two souls who come to Earth were linking their hands in order to manage the hazard of the road.  I remember that well, and I miss it.  No one holds my hand when I cross the street now. Yes, I have your siblings with me here on Earth still, and of that I am appreciative.   I have your Dad here too.  I even have James who came to us through adoption after your passing. I have a busy loneliness. Though I very much do miss you, your personality, the things we did together, all of it. I know you watch and walk with me whenever you can, and I really appreciate this.  I know you communicate with my Dad and that you have quite a family there with you. I just thought you might appreciate hearing how much I love you, and that I always will.

Greetings from the Tooth Fairy

(Painting by Jenedy Paige, a California artist.....  Picture from Faeriesworld.com)
Sadly, Jenedy lost a son to drowning.  Her website and more of her remarkable paintings can be found at  http://jenedypaigepaintings.blogspot.com/

A few years ago, when Daniel was still here on Earth with us, we took him to a "Weird Al" Yankovic concert for his birthday. This was absolutely his heart's desire and Daniel was very excited. My husband and I came in separate cars because it the concert was after work. I brought my daughter, my son Matt, and Daniel, and my husband came in his vehicle. My son Adam brought his date Margaret. Daniel liked Margaret very much, and despite the rain that evening, he had a wonderful time.
Of course, since that time, our eldest children have graduated from the university, and so has Margaret. Margaret, whom Daniel liked so much, has graduated and become licensed as a Dental Hygienist. She is apparently working as the "Tooth Fairy" to the region of the state in the area of the university, according to this news report from Richmond.  Congratulations Margaret. I am sure the children you help regard you just as highly as Daniel did. Best wishes.

(Embed feature may not be functional as WTVR TV may remove it)


You may see video at:

http://wtvr.com/2012/01/27/virginia-this-morning-give-kids-a-smile-vcu-dentistry/

or

http://soc.li/YavfJfe

Memories of Daniel

It's easy when writing a blog which started as a consequence of losing our youngest son, to fall into looking at our losses and quantifying on a day to day basis how MUCH we really have lost, and how much he did not have a chance to do while on Earth. It's also easy to focus on the quest of getting US medical policy to change and advocate screening EKGs for all twelve year olds in an attempt to diagnose the ones with hidden cardiac conduction disorders before this loss potentially happens to their families too. What IS difficult sometimes, is remembering the fact that Daniel and our family had twelve and a half fabulous loving years together with an abundance of hysterical and fond memories.
Daniel was fond of cooking and liked to cook sometimes with the things that were available in the house. We were commenting this week that we would like to make cupcakes but lacked the motivation to gather the supplies to make them from scratch. This did not stop Daniel. Somehow, Daniel could take a pre-made pancake and waffle mix and turn in into easily made cupcakes in paper cases. Somehow, he would make icing, even when we did not have the conventional icing supplies in the house. This was especially smart because with a diabetic daughter, I don't keep abundant sugary things in the kitchen. We have local honey, blackstrap molasses, pancake syrup, some low sugar jams, and very little white and brown sugar. We tended to eat Daniel's cupcakes without asking what was in them. I suspect the icing ranged from something made with pancake syrup some days, to thinned jam others, and modified sugar free pudding mix on others. The other day, I was really craving a Daniel cup cake. Fresh, low sugar, and full of mystery !
I also remember his kind and gentle help with the animals. When one of them was really ill or had aged to the point of being near death, I used to ask him how he thought we could make them more comfortable. He didn't worry about what we had to do and he was calm. He just took care of the need. Daniel, it was a short life, well lived, and well played.