Daniel's Sixteenth Christmas Letter

                                                     Image by Nightingale Craftery

    Daniel,

                  If this letter finds its way to you, then it has been sixteen years since you suddenly passed, the day after Thanksgiving in the year that we here on Earth know as 2008.  So many things have happened here on Earth since then, that although I miss you terribly, I also have come to find a certain amount of relief that you aren't here on Earth to have grown up with economic uncertainly, medical system corruption, political corruption, and to try to earn and living, navigate a marriage and raise a family here in this era.   It's hard to imagine that since your departure I have gone from thinking that your passing is a 100% terrible thing, to perhaps a benefit to you, as you were spared many of the difficult if not terrible things that happened in the world afterward.

                As you know, thirty plus hours after what should have been an ordinary influenza vaccine, your brother Matthew passed, only a week later than you, fourteen years after your passing.  As brave as I was when you departed, I have not found the same grace for the loss of a second son.  I had less reserve, and I have not bounced back in the same manner. I am also not as fine a person as you knew then.  I battle bitterness now.  I used to be the "better person" who would conjure the situation and circumstance that would help those who are lonely to get out in the world again.  I don't do that anymore, and I don't fill the silences in conversation with others as I used to.  I don't have the reserve, and I have become accustomed to the silence.

                Please know that I still love you and Matthew, and my Dad who is there with you, with all the love I ever have, but that my energy has dipped, the result of too many Earthly sorrows and losses.

                 Please know that you are loved wider than the ocean and deeper than the seas, and that this will never change.  Please know, I write this letter here to you, rather than sticking a copy in your Christmas stocking, which incidentally, is up at the mantle with the others, just as it always has been.  How do you like the Wedgwood medallions on the mantle, as Jefferson had them at Monticello ?   I'll have to see you again to have that particular question answered.   Merry Christmas !

 

Daniel's Annual Christmas Letter

 

                           Daniel as he might appear this week, had he remained on Earth with us.

 

  Daniel,

 

         When I first started putting an annual Christmas letter to you in your stocking at Christmas, I wasn't sure how long it would continue. The year you passed, so suddenly, I had so many things I needed to tell you. There were things I was not sure you knew.  Last year, I began placing them electronically, here and on your Forever Missed page.  

          This past year has been very hard.  You have been gone now for fifteen years, and your brother Matthew has been gone for a year.  I know you have a basic perspective of how things are or will be, but again, from me, we are doing our best. Some days, we do better than you might anticipate and you would be proud of us.  Other times, it's hard to put one foot in front of the other, and to clean and organize for Christmas when sometimes we might prefer just to skip it this year.

           Your memory has never faded.  Your jokes, your comments and your attitudes about things are never forgotten, and they are still a source of amusement here.  Only one of the animals here on the farm that you knew when you were here, still remain alive.  Fifteen years is a long time in the animal kingdom. Warrior Princess Camellia (the black alpaca) still remains alive, although she is quite elderly.  She is doing quite well medically at this moment, but as most alpacas do, she will eventually become ill, usually within the course of one day, and pass before the next. She still lives a beautiful life and we hope she remains as long here as possible.  I know that you will he there to encourage her when she does eventually depart.

            I love you so, Daniel.  Please take good care of Papa Lawrence, your brother Matt and the others there with you, including the animals. I know they will try to do the same for you.

            Your "Turkish brother" and friend Onur has provided a picture of what you might look like if you had remained on Earth and I have posted it above.   I love you wider than the oceans and deeper than the seas. Yes, including the inland sea on Cape Breton Island in Nova Scotia. 

Daniel's Eleventh Christmas in Heaven

Dearest Daniel,

         I still think that this is the most beautiful song, that says the words with which I struggle, so well. As I know you are aware, your brothers and sister have continued to grow here on Earth. Some of them have married, and some of them have children, and are thrust into the challenges of being young parents. I know you watch with interest as they navigate within this difficult world.

      Sometimes, I still feel your gaze and sometimes in dreams I hear your words. I know that you think that it is time to shed some of the possessions you had while you were here, and that your nephew and niece might enjoy them. I will do this. Please know that although I don't understand why God called you, along with Papa Lawrence, that I trust in the Lord God to keep you both safe. I know that you both looks after the animals who depart this farm at the end of their long lives.

    I look forward to seeing you both, and all of them, when it is my turn to go. Merry Christmas to you both, with great love,


 Mom