God Sends Encouragements

          
 

    Yesterday was a difficult day.  It was not only the fourth anniversary of the passing of Daniel, but it was a day in which we realized the future does not look financially very bright.  In the midst of inflation and our investments unquestionably broadly losing ground, while homeowners insurance and taxes continue to climb, we have taken some losses.  We don't need or aim to be wealthy, however we need to finish the task of educating our children and provide somewhat for our older age, so as not to be a burden.  Some of our friends think that Mr. Obama's health plan will kill older people off by bringing a government run, plodding and choiceless health care system, which will end most of our lives sooner, but I am perhaps foolish enough to plan to be here for awhile.
                    Many of the women in the mother's bereavement group to which I am a member, believe that their loved ones who have passed periodically provide them with encouragements in some way, on the anniversaries of their passings perhaps, or during times of trouble or challenges.  I suppose I believe this too. I believe such things can happen: I just believe they don't usually and won't to me.  Last night I went to bed with not only the knowledge that things are not good financially for us right now, but that the new toothache I have will need some attention.  I went to bed early and was very cold as I climbed in. I dislike those newer mattresses which make the bed too high to climb into without gymnastic precision.

(Photograph: fanpop.com)  In your dreams, it may not be Autumn.

 

                      Sometime this morning I had a dream. My husband and I were driving the car, which incidentally was a silver diesel Volkswagen Passat, if you would like the stage set,  and we moving some things to a place where our adult children were already staying. At one point, we looked into the back seat and saw Daniel, as a baby, at about one year of age.  In the dream I said to him, "I thought you were dead".  The answer came telepathically,  "No, I am still with you, always".  "But you are not a baby" I countered.  "I get here the easiest way I can" he said.  "Oh, good" I said, and then we drove on to our destination.    I certainly hope that God and Daniel bring me these encouragements from time to time. Lord knows I could use them !
          




    

An Unclear Dream

This is similar to the car my mother was driving, only it was new, and she found it easy to drive.

              

      I know I have mentioned that in the past, I occasionally have dreams where I believe that Daniel, and my father sometimes communicate with me.  Early this morning I had a dream and I have not yet made sense of it.   For some reason unknown to me, in the dream,  I was producing a play using British children.  It wasn't a particularly good play, but it was wildly popular in the original, and it was felt to be a good experience for the children. Although I was hopelessly unqualified in every way for this task, except in being a parent,  I began.  The task was difficult. The children were much brighter and more articulate than I expected for their ages, and culturally knew different references than I, so when I was trying to communicate, I was not doing well. These children did not know the references from television I described, and they knew programs of which I had never heard.  When I offered to get candy or sweets at the end of a particularly difficult day, they asked for sweets, also of which I had never heard. (This was odd too, because I really do know all my British sweets, having been a connosieur while at school outside London.)   At the point at which I began having trouble teaching and guiding the children and their acting in the play, we took a break because my parents were arriving to help me with this task and see how we were faring.  My mother came in a dark vehicle with 1940s styling, although the vehicle was new.  This is interesting, because she passed in 2007, and in Heaven, as someone who never enjoyed driving, I would think that she would have someone drive for her.  My father drove in separately in a large black SUV, a style I had never seen. I was unsure as to what it was,. The vehicle turned out to be a cooperative hybrid project of a Mercedes-Benz and a Land Rover. I thought my Dad would have borrowed the car to visit me, but as it neared, I saw a Princeton sticker in the glass, not because he attended Princeton, but honoring his contributions to them.  This is interesting because both of my parents fought the culture of cars. My mother owned a car until her passing, but did not enjoy cars much. My father also found them a nuisance.  In fact, my father lived somewhere for the remainder of his life where he could use wonderful public transportation in the form of buses and trains,  and even ships in the harbor when he travelled great distances.   As they each  neared, I was excited, because I knew one of them brought Daniel with them to see me, although the dream ended before I did see him.   The place where all of this occurred was the Bantam Shopping Center in Mendham, NJ in the 1960s ,now known as the Village Shopping Center.  I haven't been to Mendham in years.

This is the shopping center I referred to, which is also known as "The Village Shopping Center".  This is one branch of how it appears today.  Interestingly, my parents were visiting me in the Village Shopping Center as it appeared in the 1960s.

               I have no idea what this brief dream really means.  It is likely not to be about drama or plays, because I have one aunt in Heaven who was a successful British actress, and she would have been qualified to help with my task, and we are quite close, so I suspect, this is about something else with which I am having trouble.  I don't know what this is about, but the only message I get is, "We are behind you, and we would even rent or drive cars to come and see you, in order to help with the tasks you have left to do".  Perhaps all it was, is an encouragement. I will graciously receive encouragement in these times, any way I can get them !

Brief Meetings in Dreams

Just above Daniel's farm

      In the early hours of this morning, as I slept, I saw Daniel.   I was walking toward a building with a glass entryway, that looked something like a modern brick school with a glass entry alcove.   I could see Daniel standing just to the left of the entry positioned facing the door as I approached, so I could see a side view of his hair, but not his face.  I still knew it was Daniel.   In the fractions of seconds it took to enter the building, I could not wait to see his face.  As I entered the glass alcove to the building, there he was. I looked at his face.  His face was very similar to how I remember it, as was the rest of him. There were tears in his eyes. There was both joy that we had this small time together, and I was not sure whether there was sorrow or simple compassion in his face. I just know I was thrilled to see him.   I was not sure what had happened or if he were simply there to encourage me or simply to let me know that he is always still with me.  Then the dream was over.
         I suppose I will have to get context from future dreams or perhaps I will recollect another portion another time.  In any event, I feel encouraged overall when I see Dad or Daniel in my dreams.


Although many of us think of the performance of Josh Groban when we think of this song, the songwriters of "To Where You Are" are actually Richard Marx and Linda Thompson. This is the Richard Marx version.

 

My Turn Now

   

   My Dad, and Daniel and I were always very close when they were each here on Earth, and I have conveyed that we are close even now, when they have both passed.  This week we learned how much like them, and how connected we still really are.
               About two weeks ago, I got a chest cold, unusual for me, and somewhat severe. I was coughing particularly at night, and wheezing a little.  I also noticed that my heartbeat was particularly strong and more rapid than usual.  Nine days ago, I experienced a sensation of chest palpitations, of my heart bouncing, a bit like a flopping fish.  While taking my pulse, it seemed irregular. Since by then it was the middle of the night, I decided to take two aspirin, and call my physician in the morning, and report what is probably a run of atrial fibrillation.  Yes, atrial fibrillation afflicted my Dad, on and off for almost thirty years.  It also altered the configuration and efficiency of his heart and contributed to his passing, albeit in his eighties.   Daniel of course, is said to have passed suddenly, following a clean autopsy, of a spontaneous rhythm disturbance.  It is therefore not surprizing, that I share some of this predilection.
               That night, as I slept, my father said to me in a dream, "This is the last time you are going to be able to let this pass.  This next time, you are going to need treatment.  You need to get a cardiologist".
                As you know, I accept that Daniel and my father, are able to speak with me, in both dreams and sometimes in other ways.  I made the cardiologists appointment immediately for the end of the month, as quickly as I could get an appointment. I also let my internist know what was going on.  Nine days after the initial episode of atrial fibrillation, it happened again, early one morning, and I wound up in the university medical center's cardiology monitored unit.  Oddly, I was very calm.   Just as I had suspected, on EKG, and on monitor, it was atrial fibrillation.  Then, as it tried to convert, it danced between atrial fib. and atrial flutter. This time, the episode lasted from 5:14 am until 3:15 pm.   Physicians did testing, and chest x-rays and waited for labs.  First, they were seeking some insight in terms of fluid and electrolyte balance with regard to labs, and later they were debating the benefits of cardioversion against the benefits of intravenous drug conversion to a normal rhythm.    I joked that I had an AED at home, but that it just didn't have a "self cardiovert mode". No one thought my laughing  comment that coronal mass ejections of the sun has disrupted the electrical rhythm of my heart very funny either.   No one seems to have a sense of humor in a cardiac unit, and that is indeed just where one needs to have it. I told them that I thought I would convert on my own anyway, and that I would rather take an anti-arrhythmic drug myself, so that we would know what would work if this ever happens at home, and they agreed.  While they were headed to the pharmacy of an anti-arrhythmic pill they do not keep on their unit, I converted to regular sinus rhythm by myself.   After another hour, I was sent home.
           This new arrhythmia may simply be our family leaning toward episodic arrhythmia.  My eldest son had a successful cardiac ablation for a-fib about a year ago, and so rhythm disturbances are a feature of our family.  Still, cardiac arrhythmia can be caused by many things.   In Daniel's case, his supposed fatal arrhythmia was spontaneous and due to Long QT syndrome which had never been diagnosed..  His autopsy showed a completely normal heart without enlargement or coronary artery disease.   My father, had spontaneous arrhythmia, in the form of a fib,but went on with episodic a-fib to have changes from it which adversely impacted his heart's ability to pump as effectively as it once did. The eventual effect was heart failure in his eighties.   My issue may be different from theirs.  Unlike each of them, I seem to have a moderate enlargement of my heart in addition to the new arrhythmia. It may be that my new issue follows a virus.
          In any event,  my job is to try to avoid any additional slips into atrial fibrillation (as if I have that kind of control here) between now and my appointment in a week and a half.  I also need to try to get over this cold.  Then, the remainder of my cardiac testing will be done and my cardiologist will come up with a game plan.  Other than feeling lousy I am not particularly scared. I know I have family who love me here with me, and God and at least a couple of people around me who aren't in the flesh here anymore.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Tasks in Dreams

Last night was one of those dreams, or perhaps visits which keep me on Earth and functioning positively. Last night,in the early hours of the morning, I dreamt that I was visiting the small town which was some distance from the rural home I grew up in, the the Northeast. It was autumn there, and in our visit, the town probably resembled more the town it was when I was a teen than it looks now. (I know this because two years ago, I took my eldest son Adam back there a couple of years ago on the way back from a long out of state trip.) In this dream, Daniel and I were running an errand. This is interesting because Daniel had never been to that area oreven to that state. In the dream, we were there to encourage a woman who had a small infant who was vomiting repeatedly. Afterward, with our work done, he and I looked around the rainy streets, and tried to decide where to go for lunch.I wanted to go to a do-nut shop for soup, but he clearly stated a preference for Wendy's, and in this dream, there was one there, and so there we headed. Afterward, we were going back to my parent's home they had for most of my life.
What stood out was that people there were cold, poor, and in need of encouragement. I, on the other hand, was joyful because I somehow had Daniel with me, and there was somehow the promise of seeing him again and regularly, even though we are separated by his passing and knew it. In the dream, although I did not see both of my parents, I knew I could, and that later that day I would. It was as if we all agreed to meet to do a good deed somewhere, and to touch base with one another. Daniel is as beautiful and as kind as he ever was. The message was, no matter what I am with you, and our family is always connected. You, who always had such faith in God, will always feel Him near, and will always have us as well.

Daniel loved this song.... He had the original as done by Hugh Laurie in the BBC television series "Fry and Laurie". The original version I think is funnier, and this one has lines changed, but I saw this version on "You Tube" this morning, and it's still funny.