Of Boys and Butterboats

I am sitting up at 0300 our time, awakened by a slightly disturbing dream. In my dream, Daniel and I are together, he has not passed, and I am telling him off for damaging a tape of the group "Bread". This is an odd dream because this particular interaction never happened. When I awoke, I noticed I had some pretty bad heartburn, which likely fuelled the dream. I can only remember one such interaction such as this. Once, when Daniel was about 11, and it was his turn to load the dishwasher, I had a porcelain European butterboat. It is a porcelain device which allows butter to remain in a cool kitchen out of refrigeration for a time, allowing the butter to get soft enough to be spread thinly. These are often used in England, and I was very happy to have found one here. Daniel had hurriedly placed dishes and pots and pans on top of my new butterboat in the sink, when it was his turn to do that chore, and the porcelain knob off the top had badly broken. I remember giving him a hard time about this and insisting he pay for another one. Ours was a plain white French porcelain, and although these are fairly common in England, they are quite rare here. Unfortunately, no other one was found, and so he never had opportunity. It is one of only two times I remember overreacting with Daniel. I still have the butterboat. It waits for Adam to find the right grinding set to grind the sharp knob portion down, so that the butterboat could once again be used. I don't know how I feel about that now. How could it be that my precious boy who broke the butterboat in his haste to get on to doing something else in his short life, could be gone from Earth now, and the butterboat is still here ? There are so many such contradictions. There are toys, soft toys, tapes, electronic toys, and even the battery to his phone which go on occupying space on Earth and are working now almost three years beyond his instant departure from Earth. I will admit that I still find this inexplicable sometimes.
Daniel, I hope you know that no butterboat, no object here on Earth was ever more important than you, or your feelings. I was disappointed about the butterboat, but I had been trying to teach you accountability for the property of others. I am sorry about taking the time to be upset with you about this. I am left with a few memories of which in retrospect, I wish I had done differently. (Of course at this juncture, I wish I had spoiled you too.) I love you, bug, and I will welcome you in my dreams whenever you can get there.



This is the tape that Daniel had accidentally damaged in my dream this evening. I honestly don't think I have a copy of it anymore.

When Daniel was Five

When Daniel was five, this was our family




When Daniel was five, and homeschooled, he expressed great sorrow when he learned that not everyone was able to grow up with a mother, father, sister and brothers. He understood that family configurations could be different, but he was very sad to learn that some children don't have parents or grandparents to care for them. He thought we should try to help at least one child in foster care, or somewhere else in the world where the child did not have parents. We did try to do this, when Daniel was five, but our foray into adoption that time was short lived and ultimately only as a foster and transport family, as the Russian child moved on to a home who could better meet his special needs.
When Daniel passed, it was easy to see, what Daniel wanted us to do with the time we have remaining on Earth. Share the home and family we have with someone who also remains here on Earth.
The song below, talks about the need to do this. Presently, there are 123,000 children in United States foster care,many of whom are legally freed and or available for adoption. It is not easy. Children who have been orphaned through the deaths of their parents, or who have lost their families through their parent's addictions, may be slow to warm to say the least. Some, especially those from failed adoptions, often believe that no one will ever love them, or provide them with a permanent family. They will often test a family continually for a long time. Still, as I have often said, much of the real work of this world is done by ordinary people, who used their own limited resources and the their love to make a difference for one person. When adoption does work, it is no less miraculous than a child who comes to you through birth, as all children really come to you from God.


Steven Curtis Chapman

Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife, are also parents of a child who passed to Heaven in 2008. Maria Sue Chapman died in an accident, in May, 2008.
They are also both parents of biological children and children who came to them through adoption.