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Thursday, June 17, 2010
Yesterday morning it was hot, and is said to be one of the hottest Junes on record here, so after I finished the mornings animal chores, I lay down at 7 am, and fell into a deep sleep. As I slept, I dreamt that I was sitting at my desk at the computer in the master bedroom, and Daniel was directly to my left leaning on the printer. He was talking to me, but his words were less clear and precise than I remember. I was upset and confused in the dream. I realized that he had passed, and I did not understand how he could be in the flesh right next to me talking. He explained that although he is without his body, a perfect one of HIS body has been saved for him and exists. He said that he may be gone from this plane, where everything is "pretend/impermanent" anyway, but that the next one is more real. He told me that he can and does still talk to me, but that I can't always hear him, or understand or remember all he says. He says that we operate on different frequencies, and at a different "download speed" or baud rate, for lack of a better word, and that many people don't understand. He tends to relate these things using the concepts he understood while he was here and so he relates many things in terms of computers as analogies,and of course I don't understand computers a fraction of as well as he did. He also said that time, years to us, layers on top of itself. If I go somewhere, and we were there together, than in a sense, we still are. When I remember that time together, he will as well. He said that he is less tied to places, when visiting Earth, and more tied to us, and so if we were to go somewhere else, he would come with us. At times,the information flowed faster than I could understand. During the dream I was not in control. Tears welled up in my eyes as I remembered the last time I saw him in flesh and I felt all the pain of being unable to save him with the CPR. In all, I awoke, thinking he had intended to help me to feel inspired, but in a sense I failed him again too, by having tears which interfered with my being able to listen more attentively to his message. I should have just listened to him and smiled, and told him again how much I love him and my Dad. Still, after 18 months, it's still a wonderful gift to hear from each of them, whenever and however they are able to do continue to do this.
Daniel never knew the song which follows. I just think the singer is fantastic and the tune haunting.
I also sometimes feel that I too have cried enough or perhaps even too much.