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Friday, February 4, 2011
There May be Dark Days
Today was one of those days that is sandwiched in between the good days, the bad days, and the very bad days. We attended a therapy session which is designed to support my husband and I and fortify us and solidify us as parents of James, who has endured a great deal prior to coming to us at 14. I was down today, and this is unusual for me. The therapist observed that as much as we are doing well with James, that having James does seem to underscore the loss of Daniel, at times. I was tearful as I related that I wish they had both grown up together here.
Grief is a journey, and it is adversely affected by sickness, cold, days without sunlight, winter, reminders, and simple annoyance. The news on television with regard to the economy and world situation is also not a help sometimes.
I wish that we could facilitate, address, and treat grief, and somehow resolve it to a background plateau of some kind. The fact is, we cannot. It becomes a part of us, to surface sometimes at inopportune or sometimes even happy times, when a trigger has tripped.
Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you,
smashes down upon you with unimaginable force,
sweeps you up into its darkness,
where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces,
only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped...
Grief will make a new person out of you,
if it doesn't kill you in the making.