Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Christmas Afterglow

I hope all of you had an excellent holiday. Even if you are bereaved and missing a loved one who is very special, sometimes it helps to remember that they want us to continue to spend our lives as happily as possible, and that they would not like the idea of too much time spent grieving over the holiday. The reality is that every Christmas, is someone's last one, so we should try to keep them special in all the ways that matter, not necessary presents, but in terms of music, food, fellowship and family.
Our holiday went quickly, and I can honestly say, we cleaned up quickly afterward. It won't be too difficult when we do take all the wreaths, the real tree, and the decorations down. This Christmas, the wife of one of our friends had a stroke and is in ICU, and the father of one of our daughter's friends had a massive stroke and is not expected to survive. If we live long enough then the chances are greater that the holidays become bittersweet for us, and we will simply need to accept this. We also spent a little time over the holiday, visiting the grandmother of a friend of ours who is out of the country. Had we not visited, she would not have had any Christmas visitors in her nursing home, and also would not have received any presents. Once again, it surprized me what a difference only twenty dollars worth of little gifts and chocolates made to her when we arrived with all the multi-colored gifts. Wal-Mart had a lot of nice things for little money this year. The "senseless acts of kindness" this year really made Christmas for me.
There were those sad panicked moments too. I awakened one day to remember that Daniel is no longer on Earth, and for some reason I was momentarily focused on what he must have felt in his last seconds, and it cut my heart to ribbons. I accept now that a certain amount of negative thoughts and wondering what he endured in those albeit short moments, is normal, and they will probably always happen. I still wish that I had noticed something and somehow or in some way effectively intervened, changing the outcome completely.

This is vulgar in spots, but Daniel would have thought this was interesting and important to understand.

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