Thursday, March 29, 2012

Almost Sixteen Years Ago


      I am very cognizant that this is the time of year in which I would be searching for a birthday present for you.  Had you remained on Earth, in May, it would have been your sixteenth birthday.  My goodness, using your siblings as a guide, you would likely be over six feet tall by now, and I think I would have yet another son in a size twelve shoe !   I still remember your hug as if I received one twelve hours ago, and I imagine your hug would be about the same, although you might have to aim toward me a little better, because by now I would be much shorter than you.  As you know, I still find your departure.........confusing.  It was so sudden, and without warning, and yet, you almost conducted yourself as if you were on a short run.   Developmentally, you were always ahead of everyone.  In the hospital when you were born, you were the only newborn I have ever seen who could turn over completely in the bassinet. You very quickly had a full head of hair. You were developmentally very together.  Once you came home, you continued to develop a bit more quickly, particularly mentally and verbally faster than others.  This was embarrassing and uncomfortable to other moms who had kids the same age as you, but I told them, what I believed to be true, which is that you had three older siblings who were homeschooling, and interacted with you a great deal.  This meant that your peers were not babies or toddlers, but children of many ages.  You aspired to be as articulate and as capable as they.  This broadened your horizons and you were quick to learn to keep up with your siblings, in particular. I remember that all your siblings and your Dad and I read to you, but  I do not recall EVER teaching you to read.  At about three, you made it a mission to learn to use the computer with the same skill and speed as your siblings, and so you did.  I think the computer, or your use of it, taught you to read.  Most of the time, parents, are perennially stretching their children, seeing how they might be stretched or encouraged to try new things, but you were different.   My role with you is to help you to see that you could sleep.  The computer and your life would be there tomorrow, and that tomorrow, you would be even brighter and have even better ideas than you did today.   You gained the private nickname "verbal gerbil" with me for your early and advanced use of English.   You were fairly young when you ordered the vanilla ice cream "with a chocolate forcefield" at Dairy Queen.  Most of all I remember uncommon compassion and the ability to size up people quickly, even in a child of a very young age.   I always realized that my children came from God, but it was certainly hammered home with you.  I am reasonably intelligent, but I was often surprized at how your skills and ideas exceeded mine.  As social as you were, I realized that you would be best served by homeschooling.   Most days, you were up early, either reading, working on the computer before breakfast, or you would come in to either cuddle or talk to us.  I remember your coming in to talk with us, early, the morning you passed.  I saw my role as you grew, as a parent who slowed your passage through life a little.  You passed through academics so quickly, and had so many things you wanted to do.  I told you that many of them could wait.   Somehow you knew, and I did not.  I will not sully this post with my regrets, although there are many.  There were many things I wanted you to do when you were a bit older, and we were just beginning to do some of them at 12 1/2.   I work hard to have the faith we need to get through this life gracefully and to see you again.  I tell myself that there was enough good in our time together, to be remembered throughout the remainder of the lives of the members of our family.  Even though we stand over here, with you and my Dad on the other side of the veil, God was still very very good to us all.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.