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Thursday, November 5, 2009
Deep Autumn at Home
My dear Daniel,
As you know from the tears and my heading for bed at 7:11 pm last evening, these days are hard ones. The morning temperatures are what they were when you passed to spirit, and we are very close to your having passed one year ago. I am not really any wiser or better about it than I was a couple of months ago. I miss you and Papa L. more than I can describe, and yet I must continue for you, Dad and everyone else to function, make sense of, and find joy in the life which remains. Most days I do this, and you would be proud, but some days, I am tired and melancholy.
As you know, we are almost finished with your "teen-age room" with the tall built in blonde bookcases, where all your things will go as a guest and remembrance room. The ceiling like a true sky (not a painted one) is taking a little more time, but it will be there ! You certainly did have a lot of things, toys, pictures, sporting equipment,books, dvds, computers, games, etc. and we tended to pack and put away rather than give away many of those things when you outgrew them.
I know you and Dad are here sometimes. I am not sure who dropped the jar of pickles from the top of the frij when I was on the other side of the room with my back to you. I am not sure who tossed the spiral bound notebooks at me while I was filing the paid bills today, but I know that you and Dad check on me. BTW, Thanks for the Amy Grant Christmas music you told me about in a dream. I had no idea she had such a body of work over such a long period of time. Thankyou. I DO like that song, and it plays over and over again in my head.
I love you both so much, and if God is agreeable, we can keep our connection alive always. I will keep an eye out for you both around the house.
Your "chocolate hoarding matriarch"