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Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I remember about a month before Thanksgiving in 2008, Daniel telling me that he just couldn't wait for Thanksgiving. We were having a big Thanksgiving with Adam's fiancee's family and our own. Both of my husband's parents died young, before Daniel was born, and my mother passed in 2007. When my Dad passed in 2008, I think Daniel was feeling what I was, which is that our nuclear family is all that is left. Daniel's great uncles and aunts had passed around 2000 and 2001. All Daniel really knew of a great deal of our extended family was their passings. A bridge which would occur as the result of a marriage between his brother Adam and his fiancee would have provided another family connection and people our kids ages. Daniel and I went out the day before Thanksgiving, and among other things, bought our contribution to Thanksgiving dinner, and Daniel also bought a beautiful rooster, he named Ross to watch our three lovely hens at home. How ironic that Daniel passed the day after that joyous last Thanksgiving. Consequently, I don't know how I feel about Thanksgiving. Part of me is grateful to God for allowing us that one last gathering and joy with Daniel. It is also almost a signal that our loving God called him the morning after that day, rather than simply a coincidence. Other times, I simply feel sad that Daniel is missing a celebration and can't help us cook. So we will have a second Thanksgiving without Daniel and Dad in the flesh but somehow here in spirit. I will do what I must, but I will be sad, and hiding it from my other children,because we must go on. We must show them how we go on living, and how we trust in God, even when it's not easy, and when it's sad. I am grateful for the time, and the love that we DID have.
Much has changed in the two years since that last Thanksgiving. Daniel is not with us in flesh, Adam has broken his engagement, and the family we had Thanksgiving with in 2008, has their home up for sale, and will be moving due to a job transfer.
There are many changes when I have not yet made sense of what happened in those days.
Whomever you are,reading this blog tonight. Try to love the children and family members you have with you this holiday, with the full and true knowledge that this path is short, and is changed or forever gone only too quickly. Happy Thanksgiving.