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Monday, November 22, 2010
The Busy Autumn
These are strange days. Once again, we are are between the anniversary of my father's passing, Octobers end, and Daniel's passing, at November's end. This time causes me to focus on those days in 2008 when they both passed. Dad's passing was expected, and honestly, Dad was no longer comfortable and safe within his own body. It was time to depart for Heaven, and his stresses in that time were related to my taking over the tasks that he had done so well. How could Daniel have passed a month later, without my knowing there was something seriously wrong ? Two years of ruminating over this, and of autopsy reports and specialized testing has brought me no closer than "God called him", the pathologist's first statement. Even the genetic testing at the Mayo Clinic has turned up nothing.
So, we survive by loving the children we have left, and each other, and by remembering and living the loving legacy that both Dad and Daniel brought to us each in different ways.
This weekend was packed full. We spent a big chunk of it moving Dad's remaining possessions from one storage to another for added security, diminished expense, and also as we decide where it's final place should be. Dad was a fairly famous world explorer in his day, and before my own passing, I need to make sure that his papers, writings, and some of his possessions relating to this time find their way into the appropriate museum where they will be cared for and respected in a long term manner. I wish I knew enough about all of the things he did and all of his travels sufficient to write a book, but I don't feel comfortable enough to write a biography on his behalf. I may not give adequate weight to some things, and Dad was an intensely private man, and I don't want to confide things he had intended only to be known by us. It certainly would be a test of our psychic link though.
After the busy weekend, my husband and I took all our remaining children and two of their friends who'd helped out to dinner. It was a new restaurant that hasn't yet had its grand opening, and eight people coming in for dinner threw them I think. The restaurant is in a location in which another restaurant once existed, and Daniel enjoyed the original restaurant in its earlier incarnations very much. (They had changed very little in the interior) I almost felt them with us as we had a wonderful dinner in a harried and haphazard manner. One of Adam's friends came with us and he is considering entering the military. I would very much like him to remain here and not subject himself to the hazards of military service but I was reminded of my father, and I don't think anyone could have dissuaded him either in his youth.
I did receive some joy yesterday though. I had wondered if James would ever really personally connect to our family. Adoption at 14 is tough. In a sense I believe he sees himself here until he departs and goes on with his life elsewhere, perhaps never really connecting here. As we unloaded Dad's equipment, photos, scrapbooks etc. James was tranfixed. This adventurous spirit, my father, became HIS grandfather ! I could feel Dad smiling as James was fascinated by Dad's antique typewriter collection. I could feel Daniel smiling and telling me that this was the plan, as James expressed an interest in some of Dad's books. Perhaps the connection is beginning. These are still bittersweet times.