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Saturday, July 23, 2011
I am overwhelmed. There is much to do on the farm, and a week of days with 105-110 F heat has made accomplishing anything other than feeding and hosing down animals nearly impossible. I was stung by a hornet yesterday as I tried to check on and change waters for ducks, chickens, alpacas, and dogs. It is rare to have a day with such an inhospitable climate.
I am unsettled for other reasons as well. This week a criminal was arrested on a neighboring farm which hammers home that nowhere is idyllic, and that nowhere is safe in all conditions. We are examining better security, better gates, better fencing, and upgrading our security system, in a place which should never have needed it. There is also much talk of a default of the US federal government, and no one can fully anticipate what all the effects of such would be. These are uncharted waters and frightening to many people. I also sit on the precipice of a new business venture, and although I would normally embrace such an opportunity, I am reticent, to start something new, to call attention to myself, to chance any of the framework in which I have been surviving.
I often think that I probably haven't managed things as well as my Dad would have, given all of the situations with which I have to contend. I also think about Daniel very frequently. Was there ANYTHING I could have done in order to have protected him better? Was there anything I missed ? Once again, I am back to wondering how I failed him, if he is gone from Earth now.
I leave you with the song, the song I sang to Daniel, just before his funeral somehow,
"To Where You Are". Although most of you will recognize it as performed by Josh Groban, the song was written by Richard Marx and Linda Thompson (who was oncemarried to David Foster and with whom she has written many wonderful songs) The Groban version of the song was also produced by Richard Marx.
Here is Richard Marx singing his song "To Where You Are"