Monday, September 26, 2011

Tear Drenched Chalupas

The XXL chalupa. I eat the smaller regular pictured at the end.

This morning I had some errands to do in the city. I wanted to get them done with plenty of time to finish preparations and nap before the radio show I will do again tonight. Our eldest son, Adam came with me, while J. stayed home this time. We finished all we could do pretty rapidly and stopped for lunch at Taco Bell. Suddenly, the song below played at the restaurant. All at once I was taken by surprize as I remembered as if it were yesterday, riding in the car with Daniel, heading over the mountains, listening to this song. Flashes of Daniel and I riding in the car with the windows open and laughing at the beautiful day and the sky above came back to me. I knew as I listened, at the time Daniel and I spent together was very special, yet I had not remembered that particular day until the song reminded me. All at once big wet tears fell from my eyes at the restaurant in a way they haven't fallen for ages. The unexpected burn and emptiness of Daniel being gone from this time on. and from this space on Earth overtook me. Adam was clearly embarassed and also probably doesn't like these unexpected reminders very much. My chalupa was salty as I continued eating, as much for distraction as anything else. My gosh, how much we have lost, and somehow I still go on. As I listened to the song, I felt broken, and sick. We have to go on, but at that snapshot of a moment, I was not sure how.

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