Prayers for Ukraine

             

(Independence Square Under Protest in Kiev      Picture:  EPA Igor Kovalenko  )

 
         Unlike most American boys of his age, Daniel knew a fair bit about Ukraine, and even knew that it is no longer "The Ukraine" but now, simply "Ukraine".    Homeschooling gave us the benefit of being able to study some history and geography depth that would not normally be included in the contemporary public school curriculum, and so, he knew a great deal more about the world, and about other nations than most Americans do.   He also knew something about Ukraine for another reason.  My husband's family were originally from Switzerland in the 1630s.  One of his ancestors was a mayor who got into trouble with the powerful Catholic church of the day, when he stated that he believed that a baptism should be done on someone who was aware of the choice they were making, rather than have a religious baptism performed upon them as an infant.  In that day, this was heresy, and as a result, he and his his large family had to flee for their lives, and  went to Germany.  Eventually, when Catherine the Great gave forty acres or more to families willing  to settle in what became the Ukraine, my husband's ancestors lived there.    (Those who are interested in reading more about this can look up the Molotschna Mennonite Settlement in Zaporizhia Oblast, Ukraine )  My husband's ancestors eventually came to the United States when it became clear to them that the Mennonites were to be controlled by the government there.  Daniel knew our family history on both sides, and I think that knowledge of family history made world history much more relatable and therefore more interesting to him.

                   It has been interesting to me that although I have never mentioned our family's history in Ukraine, however transitory, that Ukraine has been one of the nations that reads this blog and my others, in the highest numbers.  I really hope that some of the things we discuss here is somehow inspiring or encouraging, especially to those is Ukraine presently.

                   These are very difficult times in Ukraine.  Although American mainstream television is quite insular and only reports on things that appear to be at the pleasure of our own present regime, we have learned about the present challenges from foreign news networks, such as France 24, NHK from Japan, DW from Germany, RT from Russia and of course, BBC from the United Kingdom.   There has been turmoil in Ukraine in past years.  Economist and educator Yulia Tymoshenko had been Ukraine's first female prime minister.  Although she had  been a prominent politician there, and has been jailed on what appeared to most of the world to be trumped up charges. She was pro Ukrainian integration into the European Union whereas her opposition would prefer alliances only with the Russian Federation.  This has left a number of Ukrainians feeling underrepresented and concerned.  Many of them wish to join the European Union rather than preserving an alliance with Russia that they feel has historically been their oppressor.

                       The present prime minister is Viktor Yanukovych. Mr. Yanukovych had promised to reduce the powers held by the prime minister and to leave more to the Constitution, however these changes have not come as quickly as most Ukrainians have wished.  There is also the perception that he may be a Russian puppet. Many Ukrainians believe he is guilty of corruption and of cronyism. Many Ukrainians are demanding that he step down.    There have been numerous violent protests and Ukrainian police and military have killed protestors and sometimes simply students who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  As I write this post, many Ukrainians believe that Ukraine sits on the verge of civil war.  Just a few hours ago, Mr. Yanukovych agreed to an early election.



                 For more than a year Ukraine has been on the verge of civil war.   Uncertainty and fear rule the day, and trust in the authorities is very weak.  I am reminded of trends which seem to be occurring here albeit a little more slowly, as well.  Please pray for the people of Ukraine who simply wish to live peacefully with equitable management. Please pray for the safety of the people of Ukraine.  We are thinking of you and your families.



This link explains some of the recent turmoil in Ukraine and their current regime's role in this:

 http://www.salon.com/2014/02/21/how_to_make_sense_of_the_violence_in_ukraine_partner/


Update:   February 22, 2014         It hasn't happened just yet but Parliament in Ukraine has voted to release Yulia Tymoshenko, who is currently in the hospital for a back ailment.    Parliament has promised to return to the Constitution as written in 2004.   However, the bulk of the people in Ukraine still wish to see Viktor Yanukovych removed.   These remain difficult times there.  Many people are concerned that such concessions may not be permanent ones.  They do not trust their present government.

An Excursion

Today, Adam, (Daniel's oldest brother, and my oldest son, one year younger than our daughter Stephanie) went on a Spring trip to our nearest city, a couple of hours from here, to buy supplies, look at some new hardware for the farm buildings, and have a quick and inexpensive lunch out. It was a glorious day, with warm wind, just a hint of pollen already, and bright sunlight on the highway there. Adam took his truck and drove, and so it was a chance for me to look out the window. It's amazing how much we notice around us when we are not driving, changing lanes, or thinking about what exit is next. Even though we were not doing anything amazing or noteworthy, it was a wonderful day. It was wonderful to hear all of Adam's thoughts, projects under way, and news of all of his friends. It's also always wonderful to know that the children you have raised are decent,intelligent and good people, and that our efforts are never wasted. It also surprizes me sometimes to see how much like Adam is, in some ways physically, to my father when he was in his twenties. For these few hours, it was almost as if, all was well, as if Daniel was at home, and would be there when we returned.
On the way home, we stopped at a garage sale. It is unusual to see one in the country that is not exclusively on a weekend, but these people were moving this week, and wanted to move less than they had. We bought some new cookware in boxes and some other things very reasonably.
I miss Daniel so very much, although I know we all do. Today though, it was as if Daniel was with us also.


Carolyn Arends "Reaching"

The Iditarod

Jared

One of the things about grief, is that we can have a perfectly horrible day, almost languishing in grief and sorrow, and then follow it up with a day in which we are appreciative of all the times we had as a family and with Daniel, where joy and golden moments were felt. Yesterday was a day in which you might think, despite the rain, that Spring might come this year after all. My husband went outside to take care of the animals, and Jared, our eight year old beautiful Siberian Husky made his annual Iditarod run. Despite the fact that Jared has walks, and has an exquisite kennel here, Siberians enjoy at least an annual excursion into the wilds. This is a problem for this individual dog, as he is not very adept at finding his way home, and because we live in a place where the nearest neighbor is a bear. Every year or two, I have had to devote hours to tracking, locating and retrieving our dear friend. He is always happy to see us, and always comes home gracefully, but still does the excursions when able. He is neutered, and we have six other dogs who do not do this.
Yesterday, Jared pushed by my husband who was feeding him, and headed off through the woods. I hoped his information tag was still there. We drove up and down the parallel road but could not see or hear him. Down the road, a large free running bryndle pitbull makes walking to look for him difficult. I remembered thinking that if the US does descend into a Depression and people are foraging for food, they would do well to stay away from this area with the bears, the wandering pitbulls, and a mountain lion which was taxidermized from our area last year. A couple of hours later, I went back to the house to print off some pictures of Jared to place in the general store with a "Lost" appeal, and the phone was ringing. A man on the other side of one of the great forests opened his door this morning, and Jared raced in. His two year old son was enjoying him, and the man marveled at Jared's excellent condition. " Does he live inside ?", the man asked. No he has a kennel which gives him the best of both,including a radio, where he seems to like NPR best rather than a music station. I thanked the man profusely, and Jared wandered back to the truck I brought. He fell asleep almost immediately.
Daniel always loved this dog, and James loves him now. He is an energetic, crazy, direction impaired, loving, lick-you-to-death creature. I am so glad to have him back safely. Life is too short not to have a dog or more than one.


Judging from Jared's proclivity to jump and muddy up clothes,he has a similar regard for clothing.

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel guilty that
The mother who had only to look at you
To know you were getting a cold could not save you.
Sometimes I feel guilty that of all those I gave
witnessed CPR to, who continued to live, or went on
to expert ICU care, that of all those people, you
have been the only one I could not spare.
Sometimes I can't understand how you could have been so full of life, played soccer and eaten pie, only to cease to inhabit your beautiful suit the following day.
All the time, I cannot understand how the Mom who knew you so well could not feel our time drawing to a close.
Sometimes I wonder that if the autopsy showed no cause of death, if you are not dead at all. You watched Stargate, learned of ascension and just as the character Daniel did, went on to live as a being of light, before you return again.
Sometimes I think I should get you snowboots because yours are now long since outgrown.
Sometimes the pain is so great that it makes it hard for me to do what I must for your siblings, but I promise you, I shall.

A Message

One of the things I do in order to stay sane following the passing of Daniel, is that I belong to a number of Mother's Bereavement Groups. These can be very helpful because most of us live life on a roller coaster and when I'm up a little, I can help someone who is where I was last week, and vice versa. This also serves the integral purpose of talking about our children to someone. People who have lost a child need to share their memories of their son or daughter, and too often, others who have not experienced the death of a child, cannot understand this, or be comfortable with it. Many times on these groups, we just talk about funny things that happened with our child or about his favorite foods, etc. On one of these lists, we have three psychics, two of which have lost a child themselves. Although these lists do convey that occasionally WE are the best people to talk to our own children, they do occasionally pass messages they believe they have received from a particular child. One of the mother's passed this one to me.
She said that she thinks this message is for me. She said that she saw a very clean and pretty calf, black and white, in a vibrant green field in a beautiful setting. At that moment, a blue butterfly lands on his nose, and for a moment, he goes cross-eyed to see it. It is comical and she says it runs over and over again. She asked me if it meant anything to me, because she does not understand it.
Two weeks before, in the process of building the barn, the contractor asked me what I would like on the weathervane. I had been wracking my brains as to what animal or symbol would be a remembrance of Daniel. He loved so many animals, that it would be hard to pick just one. I thought about an angel, but I wanted to memorialize things he did in a tangible way, and not related to his passing. Finally, after looking at the internet for about an hour, I cried at the prospect of living life here without him and I said, "Daniel, you are going to have to show me what animal you think will work on the weather vane". Perhaps, I told her, this is what he is doing.
Later, I remembered that when he was small and we used to go to the post office together, we would pass a dairy farm with all the young calves tied to what looked like doghouses. He loved calves ! I thought this was likely the message.
In the confusion of my daughter's graduation from college, I forgot to mention this to her, so this week in the car, I did. It had an additional meaning for her. She said that when Daniel was small (She was 12 when he was born), she used to play a game with him called, "Buppey-fly". She would pretend her fingers were a butterfly and would pretend to fly them until they landed on his nose. He would laugh and sometimes go cross-eyed, and then everyone else would laugh. I had forgotten this ! I told Stephanie that our list friend had said it "runs over and over again". "Like an animation !" Stephanie said. Yes, certainly, I thought. Daniel was a master at computer animation. Perhaps he found a way to send us one.

A Visit to the Doctor

Today I had a doctors appointment with my internist, a very bright woman. Being an RN and college instructor myself who teaches courses with medical applications, etc. having a doctor I trust and who is truly bright has always been of importance, and has sometimes been a challenge. The appointment went well and I am apparently quite stable medically. She put a fair amount of time into assessing how I am coping with the loss of Daniel. I told her the truth which is that at the six month mark in some ways it is as hard as in the beginning. His physical presence has now missed a Christmas, a Winter, A Spring, his thirteenth birthday, Mother's Day and his sister's graduation from college. Even when you accept that he exists and is alive and dwelling with God, it's tough on those who are left here. I miss hugging him, talking to him and watching him smirk, smile or even roll his beautiful eyes. I told her that I belong to a number of mother's Bereavement Support groups but that I didn't know how helpful they really were. It's easy to get stuck in a phase of grief when you have peers in which to stick there with you. I also accept and understand that friendships you made only because you have the loss of a child in common, and with people you might not have been friends with normally, are not likely to survive long term. I believe that true friendship must have more than terrible pain, loss or grief in common. The doctors verdict is that I am, in fact, surviving.

Finding Ways to Remember

Losing a child brings almost an unworkable quandary. One wants to blot out the last hours and the time surrounding the loss, and yet no one can really remember their child completely and fully without coming to terms with our last few minutes together, even if he may have been unaware of them. The time between my last post and now has been spent finding constructive ways to remember.
I remember that he loved our farm animals so I have been lovingly caring for them and helping them with what seems like their own animal grief. Daniel's fifteen year old German Shepherd, Jake, a rescue had a stroke several weeks ago. My time has largely been spent placing chux under the dog, and turning him every two hours during the day and less often at night. The dog has needed hand feeding and assistance with water. I have not had him euthanized as he is still comfortable and still hydrated. He also seems to understand and enjoy the attention. I have told him that when Jesus or Daniel come, that he is free to go with them, and that I will see him again when it is my turn. One evening, about a week ago, Jake's breathing seemed labored. I sat with him for awhile and when I got up briefly, he passed, easily and quietly. I had irrationally thought that I would somehow see Daniel picking up his dog, but of course, I either didn't or missed his brief visit. Jake was buried and had our customary lovely animal funeral on the farm a day later.








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